why do i still love my ex? even though its been 9 years and we have both 'moved on' ?

Answer 1

My guess is that you never really got the closure you needed from when the relationship ended, so you're still a little bit attached. You two probably shared something very special and it's hard to let that go. Part of you will always love them and care for them, and there's nothing wrong with that, but you need to move on and find someone else that makes you happy.

Answer 2

I believe,No one ever stops loving the persons he truly loved in the past. There are those who say that you can only love truly, once. However I disagree with this. I believe you can after a time care about another. I don't think you will love them for the same reasons but you could, why not? There have been a few women in my life that I love and still do love the memories. I believe this is really what you are saying.
We tend to forget the negative parts of a relationship and only remember the positive. The reason? Remembering the good things is pleasurable and the bad are not, so hanging on to the negatives brings only pain. At first when the pain is strong and the hurt is still present you may not be able to forget the reason that caused it. In most cases there is relief after a time. Sometimes this involves an in between person. They are the ones that love you when you are not ready to love anyone yet. Their love and attention build your self esteem and allow you to get over the previous relationship sooner. Then when your ego is strong again you are ready to love again, you will leave them and find someone else you can fall in love with. you will remember this person with a love not a in love feeling for all they allowed you to feel again.
Perhaps you present relationship is haveing the everyday trouble that all marriages do. that could be why you are looking to the past good memories, to relieve the frustrations of the present. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Hi,

I would not consider that as a problem, unless it affects your ability to enter new meaningful relationships.

I still love someone I've known 27 years ago, because that person was somebody very exceptionnal and he made me see life and the world through his eyes. We shared moments that were very meaningfull and valuable in my life. I wouldn't be who I am today had I not known him, so why deny that I still love him?

I believe that in life we all meet people that "play" a big part in us becoming who we are. If circumstances make us part from a special person, we should'nt deny the importance they had in our life and be thankful for the time shared, whether the experience was positive or negative, because we "grow" both ways.

It still makes me feel happy that I was given the chance to share a small part of my life with my ex, I still get "that special smile" when I think of him, and I don't believe there's anything wrong to that, because I'm aware that the relationship is over.

I've had other long-lasting relationships since, but none of them has given me the fulfillment I still get from that VERY long-ago one.

In order to fully appreciate what you shared, you have to accept it's over, but not deny it was meaningful to you.

... and of course REALLY see and feel it that way, otherwise you'll be in trouble with any other relationship, because it ain't easy for other people to know they're not the only people who can make you feel loved.....

I hope that my answer has brought some positive feeling to you.

Answer 4

I think the saying 'love in blind' has some truth. When we're attracted to/love people we can tend to put them on a pedastol and only see and remember the good in that person - try and remember where it went wrong and why it didn't work out - I think you've forgotten all the bad things and perhaps you haven't found anyone significant since and so they're still up on that pedastol doing no wrong. I know this is clinche but perhaps it comes down to your own perception of self worth also.

Answer 5

Try 20 years as I have! Eventually the penny drops that one is in love with both memories and a past we create that is NOT based on reality.

Enjoy your memories of that special person and worry not that you have not moved on. You have but have just not met the right person yet. Too many people try to get rid of the past by marrying someone most unsuitable, but at least available.

Put your energy into enjoying life and not regretting the past!

Answer 6

You don't say how long you were Married but if it was for a more than modest time, what makes you think you can forget or even stop loving some one that you gave yourself whole heatedly to you were partners sharing everything from secrets to ice cream cones No matter the cause of your breakup there will always be that attachment to him, that is the way it is till the day you die he entered your life shared your soul and now he lives in your heart how you choose to see him there is only for you to see . love him but accept that he is just in your past .. a lovely person living in your past

Answer 7

Maybe he was your love sometimes we always will love someone from our past, you just put it back of memory an move on. Don't dwell on what could of been or you will end up old an lonely before you know it. Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

Answer 8

10 years for me. I will always love her like no other but I have had to move on as you have. We are friends now,the very best of friends and we have agreed that it can't be anything more than that. She is a great friend and I am lucky to have her. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's ok. Good luck.

Answer 9

Its probably because you are fixed on what 'might' have been rather than what was. The relationship ended because it was not right in some way for one, or both of you. What you are doing is reconstructing the relationship as if those differences didn't exist. Reconstructing it as a 'perfect' relationship when it wasn't.
Good luck,
peter

Answer 10

Get in touch with your ex and find out if they have any feelings coming back about you. It's true love if you both want to get back together. Like they say, "If you love someone set them free, if they come back, it's true love. If not, it was never meant to be."