Should I send this?

Question

I wrote this letter to my mom, do you think that I should send it?

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." ~Author Unknown



I have been sitting here staring at that, and contemplating what I want to say. I think I want to say goodbye. The time has come, my burden has been lifted. I will grieve but not for my loss, I will grieve what I never had. This has been a long time coming. I will be ok, I will survive. There will be yet another band-aid on my heart, but it won't be because of you, it will be because of the person you never could be. I have learned to stop searching. I have learned that no matter who I am, it will never be enough for you. The time has come for me to be me. The time has come that I start looking out for me and mine, to start protecting them from the anguish that always will be. I am ready to move on. I am ready to heal. I am ready to stop seeking validation. The only validation I need is mine. I will never be free if I continually seek it. I will never know the why's or the why not's, and am done searching. Today it stops, I have reached the point of finality. I am ready to close the door and move on. I am ready to let you go and move on. I am ready to move forward with my exsistance. I am ready to redefine myself.

I am done protecting you. I will no longer be humiliated by who you are or what you have done to me. I am going to face everything head on. I learned something, I learned that what has been done doesn't define who I am. I shouldn't be embarassed by what I have been through. I shouldn't be ashamed, I didn't do it. I guess I thought that by pretending it didn't happen, I could change you. I thought I could change the past. But alas, I can not. I can only change who I am today. I am chosing to win. I am chosing to survive.

I became a better person in spite of you. I survived in spite of you. I was a victim by chance, now I am a fighter by choice. Everything you did made me that much stronger. Now, I am letting you go for this is goodbye. I wish you all the best. I hope that someday you find peace. I forgive you. I don't say those words for you, I say them for me. I refuse to let this consume me one more day. I refuse to walk around with this weight on my shoulder and weigh me down. Like I said, I grieve not for you, but for who you couldn't be. I will no longer grieve for who I couldn't be, today I start to become that person.

Goodbye. Forever.

Why or why not?

Sorry I should have given a few more details. I am 28 yrs old and married for 10 years. 3 kids ect. The thing is, I have tried for many years to make things work with my mom. I wanted my kids to have a grandmother etc.
I obviously was abused as a child, but I thought things were different and she had changed. Recently, she started verbally abusing me again. Threatening my family harm and trying to destroy it.
I don't see how I can keep her at arms length.
Also, yes it was very liberating to write the letter. My siblings think that I should send it, but I think it might only fuel more flames.

Answer 1

if you feel every breath of those words...then do..because goodbye is forever...i like the glimps of darkness...

Answer 2

I don't know what she did to you or did not do for you but "Goodbye forever" is pretty strong wording. I think you have every right to let her know how you feel, but the fact of the matter is that people often view the past from psychologically different points of view. No one can be 100% correct.
Saying goodbye for ever won't help you to heal, I assure you. You should give her a chance to show her side. If she can't acknowledge her part in the problem maybe she just needs time. I'm not saying you have to call her every month or anything but give her a chance. Keep the door open for communication and in time forgiveness. Letting what ever she did to you still cause so much pain and anguish (as seen in the letter) shows it still bothers you, especially ending with "Like I said, I grieve not for you, but for who you couldn't be. ".
Good luck because it won't be easy but I hope you get there eventually and find some peace.

Answer 3

I don't know what she did to you so I can't tell you if this is the right thing to do or not. I do know that people hurt other people because they have been hurt themselves and that most of the time the best way to move on is to forgive them and not to hold a burden that you carry in your heart. I am not just saying this - I know - I have been through some horrible things and I tried it this way and it didn't work - I felt worse. As horrible as some of the things that were done to me were, I had to forgive them to move on. That is what I would recommend doing for you too. Not forgetting - but forgiving and letting go of the past.

I don't know that making her feel bad would be the way to handle this - she made you feel bad and you doing this is kind of an eye for an eye perhaps. If you forgive her and move on, you are doinf all of the things that this letter says without so clearly stating them on paper. Why don't you say to her one day - I forgive you. I think that would be more effective and shocking than any of this would be - she would probably expect this. Also, it may help you to go into counseling and work through all of this if you haven't aleady. It still sounds like you are carrying a lot of this pain and you have to let that all go. I know it hurts but you can't carry all of this in your heart forever. Try to let all of this pain go, talk to someone and tell her that you forgive her for all of it. I know this letter says that you forgive her but sometimes just one statement can show all of this to someone without stating all of it. You may one day regret giving this to her - you may not. But - one statement can say it all sometimes.

Answer 4

I do not know your situation so it would be impossible for me to tell you what to do. But, it seems to me that if you truly moved on then you would not need to send this letter. To me, by writing and sending the letter only means that you want a response, if not physical then at least emotional. If you truly meant what you wrote then I would not send the letter. I would move on knowing that you did so the bigger person. Seek closure for yourself and not from her. No matter what you decide though, i wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors =)

Answer 5

Since you are asking us if you should send it my answer is NO. When you really get to the point in your life that you are ready to cut those ties with your mom, you will not need validation from anyone else. I think you said something to that effect in your letter. So, although you feel you are ready to be your own person and separate from your mom. I don't think you are.

Answer 6

If this is how you truly feel and she won't listen to reason, send it.
You are an adult now. It is your responsibility to protect yourself and your children from any further abuse from anyone (including your Mother).
If you still love her, let her know that all is not lost. Make it clear to her that she has some changing to do if she wants to continue to be a part of your life.

Answer 7

Dang must have been really bad. Sorry you had to go through life the way you did. i would send it. It seems in letters you can get your feeling out more than you can face to face. Just be opened to talk about it. If anything goes wrong up can get up and leave, and let it be.

Answer 8

i do think that you should send it. but delete the goodbye forever. do you think that it would be right to say good-bye forever to someone that gave birth and brought you into the world wondering what you would be like when you got older? if you leave it on your note then your throwing away the future that you could have and the posibility of fixing things with your mom. if you want to leave it on there then be my guest. just pray that if you go back to say sorry she will forgive you

Answer 9

Truth is ....I like you have so many times written letters like that with intentions of giving them to my mother just to find myself throwing them away. My situation may not be nothing like yours but I can truly say that even though you think your showing her your being better than her. That you have courage to move on and learn to forgive yourself for not having done this earlier,in reality your only hurting yourself because face it we only get one mother in this lifetime be she good or bad its the only one that we get and we have to love them no matter what and learn to forgive them for how they are.For they are only human just like ourselves,and even though you think you can forget her you have this thing that connects you to her and that's love no matter the situation.

Answer 10

NO.

First of all, if she's the way I suspect she is, she won't read it, and if she does read it, she won't get it.

Also, it sounds like a suicide note.

Keep it because you mostly wrote it for yourself, right? Was it not therapeutic to write that? But don't send it, it won't work and you will have her freaking out over something she doesn't even understand.

Kinda like don't waste your breath - don't waste your words.

Answer 11

Hard to say without knowing the circumstances that bring on the strong feelings you have. Good luck in your new life, but PLEASE, dont say "Forever"! You dont know what the future can bring, people can change and no one should cut themselves off totally and forever.