Quickies, Enjoy and hope you have a great Labor day!?

Question

Quickie #1
>
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
>very sexy nightie.
> "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
> So he tied her up and went fishing.
>
>
> Quickie #2
>
>
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
>into the house.
> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
>pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
> The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>mountain stuff?"
> "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>
>
> Quickie #3
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
>the other is a husband.
>
>
> Quickie #4
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>
> Quickie #5
>
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
>must tell you all
> something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
> "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>chardonnay."
>
> Quickie #6
>
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
>need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>going to STICK!
> Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
>your mind?
> Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
>Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
> The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
>think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
>when I'm driving."
>
> Quickie #7
>
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North
> Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years

Answer 1

Those were hilarious thank you.

Answer 2

LOL -

Quickie #6 was the very best from the bunch

Answer 3

i admire it. i've got have been given some for u a brunette, a redhead and a blonde have been lost on an island which became 20 miles far off from the shore. the brunette tries to swim to the shore, swims 10 miles, gets drained and drowns. the redhead tries to swim to the shore, swims 15 miles, gets drained and drowns. the blonde tries to swim to the shore, swims 19 miles, gets drained and swims decrease back. ****************************** a blonde and a frog have been talking close to a properly the frog says, "you blondes have not have been given any brains." the blonde says, "we've brains, and we are greater clever than the different guy or woman." the frog says, " i'm telling you, blondes have not have been given any brains, no brains, no brains" and then jumps contained in the properly. to this the blonde says, "howdy! became i so rude that he had to devote suicide?" ******************************

Answer 4

4 6 and 7 are my faves! i was laughing sooo hard on 6 and then i got to seven...lol

Answer 5

All cute. I really liked #2.

Answer 6

#4 is hilarious...I loved #6 as well.....all in all....great jokes...I hope to see more from you in the future.

Answer 7

before I was only nice but these are the oldest jokes ever! sorry

Answer 8

I lUV 2 6and 7 they were hilarious thanks for the laugh.

Answer 9

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAHAHAHA
LMMFAO
AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.......
DANG THEY'RE FUNNY

Answer 10

Thanks I needed that!