My 15 yo daughter's girlfriend moved in with me about two months ago because her family is very dsyfunctional. Her mom was evicted and currently lives in a motel. Recently, her mom became very verbally abusive over the phone calling her names and telling her she was nothing more than a screw up. In order to fix things, the daughter apologized and the relationship continues. I don't know how to help this young woman figure out how to have a relationship with her mom that is not damaging. Ideas?
2006-09-02 17:28:15 · 13 answers · asked by luvsdogs3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You should have the girl talk to a therepist...the school might have one available. Make sure you make yourself available and show her how much she means to you...treat her like you would your own child, she'll know who her real family is!
It's wonderful that you chose to help a child in need...the world needs more people like you.
Blessed be!
2006-09-02 17:32:20 · answer #1 · answered by paganmom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First, you are a very tender-hearted woman. This is not techically your responsibility, yet you show love and concern towards your daughter's friends. Congrads.
I would talk to your daughter's friend about what to say and what not to say to her mom. For example, she should not say things that might induce her mother to get verbally abusive, and should say things in a rational tone all the time.
She must know her mom better than you do, so the final decision about the phone conversations is up to her. However, giving some general advice couldn't hurt.
Good luck and god bless!
2006-09-02 17:32:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your ex is only nervous that her daughter could like her 'new mummy' greater beneficial than her. thoroughly typical reaction. only tell her which you think of this is great that your female pal and your daughter get on so nicely yet she knows that she has a mum and he or she would not desire to attempt and replace her. Your ex will quickly quiet down as quickly as she knows that your female pal isn't any danger. She could desire to have no project with your daughter calling her boyfriend daddy Charles yet that would not impression her, while your daughter calling your female pal mummy ?? is an instant danger, or a minimum of it is how she sees it. tell your female pal which you love the reality she loves your daughter and it makes you love her much greater and to take no observe of your ex as she would be in a position to quiet down. make specific although which you often take care of your female pal against your ex, this is substantial that your ex knows which you're rock sturdy and none of her nonsense will ever substitute that.
2016-10-01 06:04:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i can understand all about that, i grew up in a unhelthy relationship it was with my step mom cuz my real mom wasnt alud to have anything to do with me. but anyways what her mom is doing and saying isnt good, it will only hurt her in the long run and can do damige to her mentaly for the rest of her life.i know it is hard to see any child go threw this kind of thing and that you wish you could go to her resque. do you think she would be better off not with her mom? and i dont know if she is fisicly abusive or not, but that could be something to look into . but with that said the emotional and mental abuse she is going threw right now is the worst kind of abuse and that is egsactly what it is called is abuse.and no child should have to be put threw that! if things are as bad as you say, me i would step in and talk to this girl and tell her she has choices and she doent have to take the abuse. and i know that you dont want to do anything damiging but you need to think of her well being, cuz all of our children are our futer in this world and she needs to know that htere are people out there that do care and wont let things like this happen to her. but just think about it and use your best judgement hope that helped some and best of luck..
2006-09-02 17:45:38 · answer #4 · answered by Sharon K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering how dysfunctional her mother is, it sounds like your daughter's friend is going to be living with you for a very long time.
You should get her some counseling, and don't tell her mother about it. And if she finds out later, I doubt if there is very much she can do about it. I'm not saying to do this . . . but chances are? You could probably lie - and tell her you told her - and that she even gave you her permission.
She might even believe you - because it sounds like she is on drugs or something. Probably crack cocaine or methamphetamine would be my guess. As for a relationship that is not damaging? Forget about it. It doesn't sound like it's going to happen.
2006-09-02 17:43:39 · answer #5 · answered by Techguy2396 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me and my dad has the same problems, he's always putting me down callin' me stupid, no good, and all of that other verble abuse. But I just blow it off, I guess since I'ma guy it's diffrent. But since it's between a mother and a daughter, ain't they surpose to be like best friends? Have ya thought about tryin' to take them to a head doctor person? They might be able to help out more then anything.
2006-09-02 17:37:57 · answer #6 · answered by ffasheepdog 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would find out your legal standpoint- is the mom bad enough to say the daughter ran away and you are harboring her?
I would also suggest a therapist or even like some of the other said- the school counselor, or a social worker, could help.
2006-09-02 17:36:16 · answer #7 · answered by Angie A 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest talking to the mother and recomending therapy for the mother first it is something that she is doing that is making her feel like a failure and she doesn't want to take the blame so she is blaming her child. I would also suggest just being there for the girl and you and your daughter show her what a real mother daughter relationship is supposed to be like and treat her like a daughter not like your childs friend it sounds like she needs a good female role model or even a mother role model (without trying to be her mother).
Good Luck!
2006-09-02 17:36:59 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Lise 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You seem right on about the dysfunctional part. Here you are doing her a very big favor and she dumps her garbage right into the middle of your home. Perhaps you could set up a few appointments with the girl's school guidance counselor.
2006-09-02 17:36:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound like a very caring person..Perhaps if you talked to her mom..Let her know that if she doesn't strighten up she will lose her daughter altogether or family services will get wind of whats going on by someone and she will lose her ..She needs to have someone to talk to her..Let her know why she can't speak to her daughter that way and that it will only lead to her daughter hating her and I know she wouldn't want that...Then after you are done , let them talk...They really need to be more loving and caring about each other
2006-09-02 17:34:56 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋