I am being accused by my 15 yo daughter of being over protective because I won't allow her to spend the night at a motel with her friend and her friend's mother. Her friend's mother is currently living in the motel and has drug dealer friends. My daugher insists she would be able to handle anything that would happen and would not participate in anything "illegal". I don't trust the parent, so am I being over protective by not allowing my daughter to try?
2006-09-02 17:14:44 · 51 answers · asked by luvsdogs3 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
No way! I would NOT let her stay over either.
Give her the offer that her friend can stay at your place instead. That probably will not appeal as she will be able to get up to more mischief (or have more freedom/a sense of being grown up and trusted) in the motel room with the druggie mother supervising them.
You will not be able to stop your daughter from seeing whichever friends she chooses and trying to stop her will just cause arguments and make the non acceptable friend even more appealing and you more alienated. Just try to have an open honest, non-judging communication with your daughter. Let her know your concerns and give her your wisdom of how to watch out for herself. ie 'You're a smart girl and I trust you but sometimes friends want to do things that can get you into trouble and I don't want to see you get hurt./No! because I don't trust the people who are coming into the place and I'm not going to give my approval for you to go to a place where I think it's not safe.'
P.S My 15 year old daughter who has already put me through this says, 'Slap her slilly, send her to her room and lock the window from the outside,' :-)
2006-09-02 17:42:23 · answer #1 · answered by Sue W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is a definate NO! You are not being overly protective. You are trying to protect her from harm. Normal. Your daughter thinks that she may be able to handle anything that happens or goes on there. But you never know what can or will happen when the other parent has drug dealer friends. Just associating with "known" drug dealers is illegal. There are way too many what if's or unknowns. You are doing the right thing. Don't give in.
2006-09-02 17:23:12 · answer #2 · answered by Tim H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry I am a parent to , I have a 17 year old and a 9 year old
girls and I would do the same thing with my girls, I mean if drug dealers are involved , HELL NO ,, you are the parent , and what you say goes, yeah girl , I have to be on your side on that one , there must be a reason why that they live in a motel , but your daughters friend is the one who is suffering , why don't you have the daughter stay at your house , I think that it is the right choice , I know that it is hard,,, good luck ....
2006-09-02 17:25:30 · answer #3 · answered by E.M. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the child to spend some time without you!She won't die,don't worry.What may happen?Nothing!If even something happens,she is 15,not 5,she can handle such kind of situations.Yes,you ARE over protective and you should let your daughter spend some time without your eye on her.How will she cope with life later(not too later,soon) if you don't let her ONCE spend the night somewhere else?There would be a MOTHER,no matter what her friends are like,she is a mother.How has she raised her son?Answer - like everybody else.You can't protect your daughter from everything.She NEEDS this experience to become more responsible.Think about it.
2006-09-03 02:58:08 · answer #4 · answered by Jannet F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you only concerned about your own daughter? What about her friend? Call the police and report her mother (if she is truly doing something wrong) and ask the girl to live at your house! If you REALLY know she has drug dealer friends and is involved in this, and this is the reason you won't let your daughter sleep there, what kind of a message are you giving her that it is okay for the mother to live like that and do illegal things THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT AND DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT? Be a responsible citizen if you want your daughter to be a responsible teen!
2006-09-02 17:57:08 · answer #5 · answered by jeshzisd 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not being overprotective...you're being a mom. Someday your daughter will realize that you were trying to keep her from harm's way. She may say that she can handle anything that happens...but can she really? Does she know what kind of things CAN happen when drugs are involved...especially the hard drugs.
Why don't you come up with a compromise for her? Maybe she and her friend can spend the night at your house, and you'll promise to stay in your room and not bother them. Let them order pizza and rent some movies and have 15 year old girl fun. I know she'll balk at this at first, but believe me, she'll thank you for it when she's older.
2006-09-02 17:22:33 · answer #6 · answered by Chellebelle78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being over protective. Instead of her spending the night there, have her friend spend the night with you. Don't cave in. That is not a good situation for her to go in. She can not handle anything that would happen because she is just a young child. Don't do it. Especially since you don't trust the mother.
2006-09-02 17:18:28 · answer #7 · answered by Trollhair 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im 15 and i sometimes think that my mom is being over protective also but no if your daughter wants to go spend the night in a motel with her friend and mom where she is currently living??? that there doesnt show any good side to it! and definately no responsibility to be taking care of your daughter. my adopted sister got taken away from her mom because she was involved with drug dealing friends and trust me thats not that kinda parent you want to trust and take the chance of keeping your kid with...why dont you have your daughters friend stay over at your house. and have them do some fun stuff, unless they are planning on doing something else there that they shouldnt be doing. but just talk to your daughter about it and tell her that you love her and thats why you dont want her going there its not to be mean. thats what my mom does over and over again and even thought i will just argue back with her still i understand and i realize enought to respect her decisions and not go. i hope i helped some.
2006-09-02 17:21:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder about the friend...does she agree with her mom's lifestyle (in which case it isn't good for your daughter to be around her period) or does she dislike it? (in which case I would try to make my homve available to her as much as she wants it). If the mom is on drugs it's likely that she isn't parenting very much and the daughter is having to be very independent.
We've lived in a situation like that--having friends over, but there comes a point when you have to do something parenty, like say it's time for bed because there's school tomorrow, and the other kid can choose whether to go home and go to bed or just go out and have more fun. The danger to your family is your kids seeing that and wanting it too.
Parenting herself is a lot of responsibility for a teenager, so don't be surprised if your daughter's friend makes some bad choices. Maybe you can be there for her to help her out, though.
2006-09-02 17:39:37 · answer #9 · answered by Plain and Simple 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being over protective. As a 17 year old, I can look at this situation and see where it could go to. Yes, it's possible nothing will happen, but if something did it could ruin her life. Is that a chance worth taking? Tell her to invite her friend to spend the night instead.
2006-09-02 17:19:00 · answer #10 · answered by Dan-Bi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋