I have been seeing a woman for 3 months now. We are truly soulmates..friends...and lovers. I want to share my life with her. Problem is she is married...while her husband and her do not have much of a marriage...no sex...no communication...and they don't even sleep in the same bed. Recently he found out that our relationship was more than friends. He knows of our affair. He even knew that we have still been talking...but now he is starting to have a problem with it. He told her that he wants her to tell him tommorow what she wants...she must now choose between me or him. She loves me and I know this but now she is asking me for advice as a "friend". What do I tell the woman that I love. To add to this all I am still in college and I have cancer. I don't know what my tommorow holds but I love her and want to be with her. We live rather far apart and I know that she is limited to where she can go. What would you advice me to tell her...please just know that we are In-Love.
2006-09-02 16:45:56 · 13 answers · asked by mtjs06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Personally, I think people should do what makes them happy and won't get them physically hurt. I say happy because not everyone who is in love will be happy with the person s/he chooses to be with.
2006-09-02 16:54:26 · answer #1 · answered by kimilou2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dearie, your speeding for the heart-break hotel in record time!
First things first, I am not trying to be extremely negative here, so don't take this personally. But I think there are some things your not seeing because your blinded by your emotions. Now I'm sure your natural reaction will be to get defensive, but just hear me out here, ok??
Point 1: You call this woman your "soulmate" yet only have seen her for 3 months?? Relationships earning the soul-mate title are built over a long time and 3 months is too early to know. I'm sure she seems wonderful, I wouldn't doubt that, but those early blissful stages are also famous for hiding major red flags as a mere quirk or something you'll work out later.
This is when you should be seriously evaluating the relationship, your needs along with hers, and being honest with yourself.
Point 2: This woman is MARRIED!! Your going down a wrong way road and not reading any signs. I know not all marriages are matches made in heaven, but that is a serious thing!! It's called Adultery and is a felony in many states!! What if her husband decides to pursue this issue?? It has happened before...
Sounds like she needs to find out what she wants in life and make some tough decisions. But the last thing on her mind should be another relationship when she's already legally and spiritually binded to one.
Point 3: If confessing words in a church and making a pledge to her husband isn't enough to keep her faithful, what the hell do you think she'll do to you?? She might be "all that" right now, but who can say she'll be faithful to you?? What will happen when ya'll have your first fight or she's ticked off at you for something... just go find another man again??
Hearts, lives, and the law are on the line here. You cannot live this way. You need to end this relationship right NOW - even if you feel so strongly in love with her. There are still going to be repercussions but minimize the damage as much as possible now.
You need to tell her - that breaking her marriage vows speaks more of her character than she could ever tell you. And it's not character traits of a good woman.
Point 4: Just to play devil's advocate here, let's assume she does love you as much as you think she does. Why is she asking for your advice as a "friend"?? If it was such a awesome relationship then you don't have to ask questions like that. The answer would be obvious.
But she hesitates. And why?? She's not a woman of her word and sooner or later you'll be a victim of her just like her husband has been.
Point 5: You have cancer and that is horrible. My heart does go out to you. But have you considered you might just be grasping for anything you can right now?? Think about this!! Who doesn't want to find love and feel loved?? But this is NOT the way to go about it!!
And while I don't know what type of cancer you have, it is NOT a death sentence. If you are strong of mind, body, and spirit... you can defeat anything. But letting this negative energy into your life will eventually destroy you. And it may even go further than that...
My advice to you: End this now or the repercussions will be very heavy. You'll end up losing more if you stay. And I'm sorry if this seems too straight but it's just the way it needs to be.
2006-09-02 17:22:32 · answer #2 · answered by Lady_Knight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be mean, but if she did it to her husband, she'll do it to you... as I always say, "A Ring Never Closes Any Holes" Besides, it will eventually sink in that if you do indeed have cancer, and it's terminal, she'll be like "oh christ what have I done" and back out and you'll die alone... you're better off telling her that until you know 100% for sure that you'll be pulling thru all this and living a long life, you'll stay friends/acquaintances, and then when the cancer is in full remission sweep her off her feet and take her away with you.
2006-09-02 16:54:27 · answer #3 · answered by Heat Miser 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well this is a hard one. Sorry to hear about your cancer but never limit your life because if you believe you can beat this cancer with the help of god then you will beat it. Life is to short with or without any illness and people have different feeling and different ways of taking problem which come to them in life. Dont put her in danger becuase silly as it sounds they may be on bad terms now but i bet there is alot she isnt telling you. He may kill her if she decides to lieave or try to hurt her in any way. You are in college and you have your whole life ahead of you just let it go. It wont be the first time you will fall in love.
2006-09-02 16:52:17 · answer #4 · answered by cupcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First if you love this person then you must realize that you are partially the cause of her pain. You are coming between a husband and his wife and that is simply evil. I understand you have strong feelings for her, but it is wrong, you now it is wrong, and you are hoping to justify it. You cannot continue the relationship.
2006-09-02 16:52:33 · answer #5 · answered by Russ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think much of people who cheat on their spouses. And, how can she possible ask YOU for advice as a friend? She seems to have a poor grip on reality if she thinks you can give her unbiased advice. Does she have kids? I'd stay away from her unless she chooses you and decides to fully separate from the Husband 1st.
2006-09-02 16:55:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She cannot put the weight of the decision on you. Once she chose to take your relationship to that level, she then chose to leave "friend zone" behind, therefore she cannot play that card. The decision is hers and hers alone. Advise her to only follow her heart and let her know you will respect any decision she makes.
2006-09-02 16:51:31 · answer #7 · answered by CHLOE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her to picture in her mind who shes herself with, five or ten years from now. Tell her to make the decision from her heart, not just to please one or the other. Who does she want to be with? Good luck and even if she doesn't choose you , don't end your friendship. Try to see things from her point of view...
2006-09-02 16:59:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIRST OF ALL I'M SORRY FOR YOU IN THIS TIME OF UNCERTAINTY, BUT MY FRIEND SHE IS MARRIED AND
THAT A PROBLEM, AND THE FACT THAT YOU AND SHE
HAVE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER FOR 3 MONTHS, THAT NOT
GOOD. SHE NEED TO WORK ON HER MARRIAGE OR GET
OUT OF THE MARRIAGE. IT NOT FAIR TO ANYONE IN THIS
SITUATION. BUT SHE NEED TO GET COUNSELING OR A
LAWYER. BUT SHE NEED TO TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT
IT RIGHT NOW. GOD BLESS YOU YOUNG MAN.
2006-09-02 16:52:56 · answer #9 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a situation close to this. Hands down she needs to choose and if it's you she chooses, she needs to get out of that house w/ him. ps...my mom had cancer and she made it out ok. God bless you sweetheart...
2006-09-02 16:48:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋