What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
HAVE A GREAT DAY
2006-09-02 16:06:49 · 29 answers · asked by basscatcher 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Well...I have to say I got a good chuckle out of your jokes. I had a few friends over and they left with a smile on their faces. Lol. From me and my friends, Thanks for the laugh!
2006-09-02 16:16:00 · answer #1 · answered by Lei-Loo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha that's funny I liked the one about the Sum Ting Wong one. If I was an egg I'd be dead. Cuz you cracked me up. lol.
2006-09-02 16:32:11 · answer #2 · answered by Krista~Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those were funny and they made me laugh. Thank you, it helped during a rough 27 hour shift!
2006-09-02 16:11:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lol- very offensive. I fit into the Blonde catagory.
2006-09-02 17:04:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was too funny!!!! Here's a few for ya!
Prison vs work
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.
IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.
IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.
Stupid questions
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?
2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?
3. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?
4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
"hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?
5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?
6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
have a use by date?
9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?
10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think i'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
11. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?
12. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?
13. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
14. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ***?
15. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
2006-09-02 16:37:38 · answer #5 · answered by Shelly Michelle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hahahhaahhahahahahahhaaaaahahaaahillarioius!!!!;p I bet you tick off a lot of ppl who are insecure and have no sense of humor, but i thought they were great. Some I have heard bevore, some I have never heard but all are funny. I am gonna tell my friends some of them. Thanks for making me luagh;@
2006-09-02 16:13:18 · answer #6 · answered by twysty 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No offense taken.
It healthy to be able
to laugh at ourselves!
Thanks.
2006-09-02 16:12:23 · answer #7 · answered by vim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
these were funny as hell, helped me get a laugh after a long night of studying.
2006-09-02 16:32:53 · answer #8 · answered by 2good4hem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one about the sensitive , good-looking caring guy.....so true!!
I love it!!
2006-09-02 16:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by confusedgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweet . the harley joke takes the cake.
2006-09-02 16:15:46 · answer #10 · answered by setter505 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋