a joke, insult, etc. about anything ... and you get the points
2006-09-02 13:14:35 · 22 answers · asked by Melody. 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
your avatar looks attractive
here's one that okay:
lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
2006-09-02 14:18:15 · answer #1 · answered by detroitsports_fan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.
She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went
dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto
the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof
is
on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always
cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would
make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.
This
would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.
One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the
choir stand with her.
And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the
roof,
the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn! She embarrassingly corrected the parrot,
"No, you don't say that here!!"
The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same
muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!..
2006-09-03 01:23:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ten Husbands.....
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?
"Well, husband ..1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband ..2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband ..3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband ..4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband ..5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband ..6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband ..7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband ..8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband ..9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband ..10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... God, I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
"Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
2006-09-02 13:17:10 · answer #3 · answered by descartesprotege 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Lawyer In A Jar
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
2006-09-02 20:37:54 · answer #4 · answered by Dew Drop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bush Visits a Nursing Home
President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home.
The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
2006-09-02 15:33:58 · answer #5 · answered by :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"
2006-09-02 13:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by Paradox3883 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I man walks out of the bar three sheets to the wind. Walks around the corner and knocks a Nun flat out cold on the ground. A fellow outside sees this and comes running over and asks why did you do that? And the drunk replied, "Batman ain't so tuff is he after all"
2006-09-02 13:17:17 · answer #7 · answered by crissyll22 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense...
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign ."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket,if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says:
"Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
2006-09-02 13:26:40 · answer #8 · answered by raecheile 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The madam of a brothel has a problem, so she goes to a local priest. "I have two talking female parrots," she tells him. "All they can say is ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’"
"That’s awful," the priest agrees, "but I have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots whom I’ve taught to pray and read the Bible. If we put your parrots with mine, I believe yours will stop saying that awful phrase and will instead learn to recite the word of God."
The next day, the madame brings her parrots to the priest’s house and puts them in with the male parrots, who are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
"Hi, we’re prostitutes." say the females. "Do you want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks at the other and squawks, "Close the Bible, Frank! Our prayers are answered
2006-09-02 13:18:26 · answer #9 · answered by Andrew 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a man and a woman were both living in a psychiatric institution. this place had a swimming pool. the man fell in and sank to the bottom. the woman dove in after him, brought him to surface, and saved his life. the doctors and nurses had a meeting and decided if this woman was competant enough to save a drowning man, she could be released and returned to society. they called her in and said, we have good news and bad news. first the good news. we all decided that you can go home. you saved a life. now the bad news, the man you saved hung himself and died a little bit ago. the woman said, he didnt hang himself. after i saved him, i hung him up to dry.
2006-09-02 13:17:18 · answer #10 · answered by tonyatomthor 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋