door holding etiquette?

Question

Weird situation came up this morning. I was walking to a store from my car. A woman was also walking slightly ahead of me. I increased my pace in an attempt to get to the door before her, to hold it for her. However, she sped up faster than I did and beat me to it. She was my age, and held the door for me. It was an ackward situation, where I had the following choices:

A) Walk through the door, shrug it off, and forget about it. Attempt to grab the 2nd door as I go in.

B) Grab the door from her as she's holding it. (not as forceful as it sounds)


What would you have done in that situation? Women, what would you prefer I would have done?

Didn't really make it clear enough. I ended up grabbing the outheld 1st door for her, then did the same at the 2nd door. Very embarrasing.

Answer 1

Walk through the door and say. "Thank you."
Who holds the door for whom is less about gender and more about convenience. It is polite to hold the door when you approach just ahead of another. It acknowledges the other person and keeps the door from slamming in their face. It is polite to hurry ahead of someone whose arms are full in order to hold the door for them. Holding the door for several minutes as you wait for someone to get to the doorway is overkill unless you know them. When you arrive at the door at the same time as another, try to consider age and infirmity before gender. Ladies first is still nice, but etiquette is about smoothing interactions between people not about being "correct."

Sometimes you can do a person a favor by allowing them to do you a favor.

Answer 2

There is a fine line between chivalry and chauvinism. When someone holds a door for you, regardless if it's a man or a woman, just smile and say thank you. You were not on a date so really it's not a big deal.

You obviously care about being a polite gentleman, which is nice, but on the flip side, remember that women are not helpless either. It's like dating someone and never letting her pay for dinner. If she earns her own money, chances are that she might also like to treat you once in a while too.

Chivalry is just a guideline, not a commandment. And not all situations are the same. Maybe she has seen you before and that was her way of flirting a bit and she wanted to see your reaction.

Then again, maybe she was a man-hating lesbian trying to make a statement. Was she wearing a flannel shirt? LOL

Answer 3

Say thank you, walk through the door and grab the second one for her. Sometimes I walk ahead of my bf and get the door. He will either hold the door I'm holding and let me walk through first or get a second door. So either choice would work. But since you are a stranger that latter one may be more appropriate. I'm glad there's still some guys left that think of these things. You get brownie points! ;)

Answer 4

39 yr old F here.....
If I opened the door for you then I think I would have wanted you to walk thru it and expected you to grab the next door if there was one and hold it for me.
If you had taken the door it would have made me feel weird. But I probably would have thought it was polite of you to do it, just not necessary.
I am not a huge womens libber and I wish I could stay home every day and be the mom who takes care of the family. So maybe my opinion doesnt match a lot of women these days, but I have worked out of the home for years and know what I would like to be able to do.
NOW, if you REALLY want to impress a woman with politeness, go over to her house and do her laundry for her while she is at work!!! (and put it away!!! ) THAT would be so gentlemanly of you!!!!!! Ü

Answer 5

This appears to be a liberated woman who doesn't believe in gender based door holding. I simply would have said, "Why, thank you." with a big smile on my face and entered the store. If there was a second door, I would hold it for her. Remember that most of this gender based door holding got started in the days when it was a major job for women to move their skirts through a door. Most of today's women dress much more practically.

Answer 6

That does sound a little awkward. If she was holding the door and standing out of the way for you to walk by, I would have thanked her, gone through the first door, and held the second one for her.

You aren't obligated to hold doors for ladies nowadays! And occasionally you'll get one who gets annoyed when you treat her as if she's more delicate than a man-- I feel that way sometimes, but I always try to appreciate chivalry. Sometimes you just have to gauge her actions and her body language to figure out what to do.

Answer 7

This happend alot where there are 2 doors. You should have walked through the first door and said a quick thanks, then held the second door for her and said "let me return the favor" and smiled at her. That's what I do & people seem to like that. Gender is not the issue here. People like it when they're extended small courtesies, especially when accompanied by a smile.

Answer 8

I always appreciate when a man holds a door open for me, or lets me go first, or opens a car door for me to get in and out. Also, it is good for him to wait until I am seated (at a restaurant) to sit down. Keep up your good intentions, even though not all the women appreciate that.

Answer 9

I would have walked through the door being held open for me and thanked her and smiled.

Answer 10

Say thank you and walk through the door.