My daughter's high school friend was getting married this summer. When I ran into her I asked her where she was registered, and she told me two different places. I sent her a gift from my daughter and one from me (both kitchen items, not high dollars.)
I got told later by several women that I should not have sent a gift, as we were not invited to the wedding. It would make the bride feel bad, and obligated to invite us (she didn't, ever.) I didn't even think of that, I thought, you like someone, they get married, you send a present and best wishes. Was I wrong on this? I have older daughters who have many friends and this will happen a lot over the next 10 years!
2006-09-02 11:18:48 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Who makes up these rules? Then who changes them? Why do we have rules for gifts? I don't understand why those women were giving you such a hard time. I think it was a wonderful gesture on your part. You didn't give the gifts with ulterior motives, and that's what a true gift is. So,I think what you did was great! I have done this in the past, and quess what, I will keep on doing it. I have given gifts to quite a few couples that are friends of my daughter's or mine that I knew that I wouldn't get a invite. I am not fishing for a invitation to the wedding, it's that I wanted the bride and groom to know my family is wishing them all the best, and that we are thinking of them.
$50 or cash...where did the rule of giving a gift in about the amount of what your dinner cost at the wedding....I haven't figured that one out either...I thought when you invited someone to a wedding, you don't make them barter for their dinner. It's crazy these so called "etiquitte" rules, I didn't expect my quests to bring something to "trade" to my wedding. I wanted my family and friends to be there on my most important day, and I didn't care if they even brought a gift, much less one that equal the cost of the food I served.
You just keep giving, and don't let this people bug you, because you are giving a true "gift", you aren't expecting anything in return. That's manners! That"s etiquitte if you ask me!
God bless us all...............
2006-09-02 12:56:00 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am planning a wedding right now, and I haven't registered anywhere because I do not want people to feel like they are obligated to buy me stuff. I did not make the guest list thinking about who might get me which gift. It was very nice of you to get a gift, and I am sure that it was appreciated. Not everyone can be on the guest list. As anyone who has planned a wedding knows, every person on the list ends up being about $100-150 more dollars that you are spending on the wedding and that adds up quickly. As long as she sent you a sincere thank you note for the gift, all is well.
2006-09-02 12:04:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weddings are something to be celebrated. Last time I checked, the ceremony and reception were not a requirement for wishing someone a happy life together. I think you did a very generous thing and should tell those old busy body;s to stuff it. If you had gotten an invitation and you didn't think it was appropriate, you could have simply declined.
2006-09-02 18:14:31 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it, it was a very generous thing to do. I was not invited to my cousin's wedding (limited space and I would have had to travel to it) and I sent him and his wife a gift that I made for them commemorating the day of their wedding. They were very grateful and we are still on good terms. I was not upset at not being invited and I did not feel bad and I did not make them feel bad. They told me several times they were sorry they could not invite me and I told them it was fine and I understood compeletly. You did a very nice thing. Don't let someone ever stop you from doing something nice.
2006-09-02 13:34:04 · answer #4 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You Are right.
One sends a gift because one wants to do so you wished a friend well. There was no obligation on her part to invite you. there was no expectation by you that she would invite you.
You are a good and friendly person and a better person because you do not keep score . They may have trying to make you feel bad
because they are not as kind and friendly.
You were not obligated to send a gift but it is socially appropriate for you to have done so.
2006-09-02 11:31:38 · answer #5 · answered by skygreen 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wedding gifts are meant to be given to those you want to express happiness for. It is completely proper to send her a gift.
Many brides must limit size of guest list, it is not excluding people but including those with special meaning - family, close friends & etc. It was kind of you to send the gifts without expecting anything in return.
2006-09-02 11:58:07 · answer #6 · answered by Wolfpacker 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not accounting for different customs in different places....
you were VERY nice to do that, but certainly not obligated. If you sent a gift, you should have been invited unless they had a VERY small wedding with only family.
Again, some little towns might have different customs, but I'll wager that unless you invite all those friends to your daughters' weddings, most of them will not send gifts.
2006-09-02 11:23:22 · answer #7 · answered by mia2kl2002 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Your friends are feeding you a load of crap. Instead of guilt at not inviting you, I would guess that the couple felt that you were making a nice gesture and they appreciated that you thought of them and their upcoming celebration. It's very generous to send a gift, and not required (obviously) but 100% appropriate. I'm sure you'll get a nice thank you note to prove it...
2006-09-02 13:14:43 · answer #8 · answered by Andy G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think what you did was nice.and that you did the right thing by sending a gift.I don't see why other people said what they said.
I don't see how by you sending a gift she would feel obilgated to
invite you to the wedding. all she should feel obilgated to send you is a nice thank you note. good luck
2006-09-02 12:57:40 · answer #9 · answered by Angel sent from heaven 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sent a gift because you wanted to and that was nice but with so many weddings in your future...you don't have to buy unless you attend.
2006-09-02 16:45:51 · answer #10 · answered by Library Eyes 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋