If you are presented with a friend's conflict, how do you choose sides?

Question

Should you take the side of a friend, or truly weigh the issue against your own values and pick the side that holds more true to yourself, and risk the loss of friendship? Basically, which do you choose, integrity or friendship?

Answer 1

I choose integrity.
I'm on the flip side of this argument. I worked at a place with a "Christian" woman and I thought we could be mutually supportive coworkers. It turned out she was a backstabbing, vindictive, lying, game-playing beeeeotch in the workplace. We happened to attend the same church at the time.
One of her best friends from childhood was in Japan when I started working there. Later I became good friends with this woman when she got back and we met. Eventually this situation had to come to light and be dealt with.
I'd have preferred that our mutual friend would see this beeeotch for the wicked person she is and write her off and choose me, her newer friend with a bit of integrity. Instead, she's ignoring the rift between me and the beeotch and that topic is off-limits with her. I guess that's OK with me if the topic is also off-limits for her with the beeeotch as well. But our mutual friend is getting married on Sept. 30 and I am skipping out on the wedding mainly because the beeeotch will be there. That sucks, not being at one of your good friends' wedding. But she's not going to give up on that friendship, she's known the beeeotch since they were 2 years old, and she'd just rather not know the real beeeotch. She'd rather be ignorant of it and happy. Myself? I'd choose the person with integrity and ditch the beeeotch if I found out she was a scumbag in real life (in other words, not on Sundays).

Answer 2

That's a very very good question. You've basically answered it for yourself. If I'm asked to honestly weigh an issue, my friends know I will do so, even to their detriment if the necessity warrants. However, being asked by a friend also means you usually get one side of the issue. It's hard some days to get the full story unless you know more people who have been involved in whatever situation is at hand. I think for now, you should be tactful and perhaps not tell more truth than is necessary to keep yourself out of the dog house. Good luck.

Answer 3

The best option, when available, is to avoid "taking sides" on the conflict at all. Be supportive of and listen to your friends rants, but you don't have to take their position or to indicate your own.

If you strongly feel for the other side of an issue, you should be able to discuss this with a good friend. Maybe it will help them through their conflict, too, to see that someone they care about feels differently.

And if they are a true friend, then they shouldn't ask you to support something you don't believe in just because it is their issue.

Answer 4

Always choose integrity. This doesn't mean you have to openly disagree with your friend if you think the friendship will suffer. You may have to keep your opinion to yourself, but this is still better than falsely agreeing with your friend for friendship's sake.

Answer 5

Integrity, always. Your friends should respect who you are and what you stand for, if they dont, then they arent really your friends. The worst thing in life you can ever do is give up who are you and give in to the beliefs of those around you. Respect yourself and always choose integrity first.

Answer 6

Farien3 has it right. You should always be true to your own values. If this is between two friends you may just have to tell them both that you aren't getting involved. You aren't saying anything and stick with it.

Answer 7

oh thats really hard. i don't think i'd be able to choose. i mean its always best to stay true to yourself but if you could risk a friendship its probably best to stay out of a conflict. i'd concentrate on sorting out the issue rather than putting across your point. but i think i'm only talking about minorish issues. if it was something that you thought v. strongly about, voicing your opinion is probably best........ i think.

Answer 8

If this is a true friend, you should not be forced to choose.

Tell them exactly how you feel, and try to convince them to do what is right.

Perhaps you don't have to take sides. Maybe you can just try to stay neutral.

Answer 9

Integrity. If they are your true friends, then they will forgive you after they cool down. If they don't, you shouldn't worry about it. You're "friend" was just using you for something.

Answer 10

Israel--the rationalization Israel is in those "buffer zones" is that as quickly as Israel did no longer occupy them those "peace loving" palestians used it to lob artillery, rockets, and mortars into Israel. those animals will purely be satifsifed with the destruction of Israel. i do no longer see Israel has any decision except they like wholesale slaughter of their electorate.