a teenager!?

Question

my teenager has been sneaking out , tells me how awful of a mother i am when i do everything for her. she is not a virgin anymore , she fights at school all the time and she has been caught doing drugs . also she is only 13. please any advice is nice

Answer 1

I feel so sorry for you. I'm going Thur the same thing, but with a boy and he is 16. Ive had him for 6 1/2 years. He is my grandson. I am raising him. Ive found taking him to mental health has helped allot. She may have a underling problem such as bi-polar or ADHD or ADD. It wont hurt to find out. It could just be she is in the wrong crowd. Mine is Bi-polar hanging with the wrong crowd. I would seek help for her.

Answer 2

Hello Angel,
Your situation is not uncommon. I have1 that is 21 from a previous marriage.

Plus now I have 1 that is age13 and 1 that is age 11 and 1 more age 4.

The one thing that I can say is that you will have a fight on your hands from now until they move out of the house and realize what the hell life is really like.

As far as what you can do... It all depends on how strong you are. At this point in the game you need to pull out all stops.
Go tough love and tell her straight out. You sneak out I call the cops. You do drugs I call the cops. You run around with boys having sex and I call their parents and then call the cops.

Then you HAVE to set down the law in the house and stand by it.
FIRMLY. There will be none of that behavior or you will go to a JD home. The choice is now yours to make. Live a nice happy life or live in lock down.

It sounds really harsh I know. But, This is your baby you are talking about... You can do what ever you have to to save her from this destructive road, or let her go and wind up dead from bad drugs, overdose, Aids or many other STD's. and if she is doing all that she is doing alcohol too. That means riding in a car with drunk stoned teenagers.

You are in a tough spot and I wish you all the strength and courage and determination that you need to help her.

perhaps 10 years from now she will still be alive to thank you.

Jerry

Answer 3

Take the high road, don't sink to her level. Provide her the basics a secure home, decent clothes, nice meals but no luxuries unless they are for the whole family like a computer. Treat her like a foster child. Reasonable household rules for your safety - you don't want to get in trouble for something she did, so set the household rules to prevent that. Coming in at 2AM is not acceptable because you don't know if the entrant is a bugular or a rapist until it's too late - rules for your safety.

My friend has the opposite problem - cannot get his 26 year old daughter out of the house. He bought her a 4 year college degree but she doesn't socialize with girls or boys, never had a boyfriend, won't get a job and has an excuse for everything. He is supporting two women and hates it.

Answer 4

Without hearing her side of things its hard to give any sort of advise at all but here goes.

If she is sneaking out and getting into fights there is some underlying problem going on and you are at the centre of it. Yes, I know teens do these things and it passes but this seems a little more serious due to her age.
If there is a new man in your life, a death, a divorce some kids act out in the worst ways possible.

If you can afford it try counselling for the both of you and see if you can get her friends to talk to you.
Also try having the gang at your house a little more often and become the *cool* mom.

Teens can be a lot of work but if you are willing to put in the effort they can be so much fun too.

Answer 5

I used to be like that...and honestly..if your daughter is anything like me..theres nothing you can do about it. Im sorry to say it..but its true. No matter what you say..shes going to do what she wants..because she is 13..she doesnt know what respect is and doesnt appreite you yet because shes never been without you. The only thing..my mom EVER had..to control me..was sending me away...we have these relatives..in Alaska..and ALL they do..is yell...and..i was terrified of that..that was the ONLY thing that kept me in-decent-line. So..i dont know if you have any where you could "send" her for a little while..to make her see how much trouble shes causing you and im sure the pain. But im sure..since she is 13..she'll grow out of it...my "rebellion" thing started when i was 13 also..im now 16 and 10 times more mature than most people twice my age..but..good luck..and as for her telling you..your a horrible mother...dont listen to it..Its just another weird thing teenage girls use against their mother because their life..is..SOO amazingly hard..But any way..good luck..hope you can get her under control..

Answer 6

Oh dear! You definitely have a problem on your hands. This girl is headed for all kinds of trouble. You are her parent, and you need to have more control over her before she ends up in jail, gets pregnant or has to undergo drug rehab. You both need counseling. I would also contact the juvenile authorities and see if there is anything they could suggest. Maybe you could sit down and talk to her and ask her if, at 13, she would want to spend her teenage years in juvenile detention or drug rehab. As long as she is underage and living in your home, it's your responsibility to exercise parental control. If you can't do it by yourself, get some help. She's starting down the wrong path which can only lead to disaster. Good luck!

Answer 7

You answered your own question in the first sentence when you said "i do everything for her"!!!! I suspect that you have not established rules and limits and consequences and she has not learned responsibility or respect. I suspect that you love her very much and maybe because of some problems you are overcompensating by being too generous or too lenient. I think that you need to get the both of you to a counselor for some family counseling ASAP. Drugs and addiction and pregnancy are a real life altering consequence if you do not nip this problem in the bud. Your daughter needs you now more than ever. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 8

Ok first you have to look at your parenting habits what you let her get away with what you dont....also if your husband is enforcing the same thing...if your a single mother that could be one of the problems no father figure in her life. Boot camp and anything on those lines arent the answe i know i went through that and it only made it worse...it can be a "psycological problem" try seeing if she wants to talk about it no just to you but to someone that she wants to I.E. a teacher, councler of some form through school or outsourced....in the end it can also just be a phase because she has no outlet.

Answer 9

I think that you should not give up on your daughter i think she has a lot of peer pressure and she is calling out for help. You should sit down with her and ask her why do she think you are a bad parent ?and if she give you a unfair answer you need to let her know that you are only telling her the right things so she can go down the right path in life .You can love your child but don't give her everything she has to earn things and respect I don't know do she not have a father figure and lonely for that missing part of her life and if she does have a father he has to step in and take charge.she needs to be in church or a activity that she can be mentor because she has low self esteem let her know that she can succeed in life and make a differences .

Answer 10

You might have to find some kind of partner so that someone will be awake at all times to stop her from sneaking out. Also get some family counselling so that both of you can talk without it turning into a battle of wills. Good luck.