I used to drink a lot several years ago. When my son was born I cut down to an acceptable level with the occassional outbreak. Once or twice a year at most. I havent had a drink for months and months. In not abstaining from it, I just dont fancy a drink at this stage in my life. I am hardworking and my wife and I have been seperated for 4 years. Every opportunity she gets she tells my son that dad is a drunk and he would prefer to see his mates in the pub rather than come to see him. I have only missed two weekends to see my son in 4 years. My whole world revolves around him. How can I stop her poisining him. I am at my wits end.
2006-09-02 08:56:14 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thank you all for your support and advice. I wish I could vote you all the best answer. So im not going to vote anyone. Thanks again. xx
2006-09-02 10:14:17 · update #1
you cant, thats what happens when people divorce, i love my dad although he was a drunk who beat my mother, as she still reminds me. Good poeple can sometimes do bad things, that fact that you have changed for the better and love you son will outwiegh anything his mother tells him, even if it doesnt seem like it now and takes a while to happen.
2006-09-02 09:01:51 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, she is telling him this to hurt you.
I say talk to your son when it comes up again. Admit that you are an alcoholic, but have taken actions that put you in the recovery phase of it. Tell him, yes I do occasionally drink some, but not like it used to be. Explain that daddy only comes to see him these days because that is the arrangement set forth, and you would come more, but aren't really allowed. The two times you didn't come, you had reasons for, and regretted missing the visit. If he asks why mommy says that about you, explain that you loved one another (and still do in some crazy ways) and that mommies feelings might be hurt, so she is saying things that are hurtful.
Then go to the judge or your lawyer and tell them what is going on. Or tell her that you know she's says these things, but it is inappropriate, and it makes her the childish, then say but don't worry, I won't sink to your level tell our son any of your horrible or inappropriate secrets.
2006-09-02 09:21:36 · answer #2 · answered by girlnoladrea 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, that doesn't sound very nice but of course I don't know the whole situation. I know my partner loves our son but he does nothing to show it and I actually feel that he would rather be in the pub with his mates than at home with his family. Maybe that's how you have made your wife feel. Whether you have meant to or not and no matter what you TELL someone, it can be very hard believing it if you aren't doing as you are expected. I'm not saying you're not doing enough or that she expects too much but it could be one of those two things or it could be that you have done something to make her feel like that.
2006-09-02 09:02:35 · answer #3 · answered by Evil J.Twin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just need to say that these individuals good ample to let your daughter go over for play dates and also you believe secure with that.Have you ever met the mothers and fathers, sat down and had a cup of coffee to speak while the girls play> you don't get to grasp any individual through texts, you need to talk to one another head to head.Simply suppose this mom would not understand you intimately both they usually trust that your daughter comes from a just right family established mainly on her behaviour at their residence.How well do we know any one . It is common to be worried when our kids are uncovered to new experiences.Most humans are just right and first rate and so they additionally fear about their youngsters .It is undoubtedly as much as you if you think in sleepovers or now not.For those who decide to let your daughter go for the sleepover your little one may make a decision she wants to return home when you consider that she misses you.A telephone call later in the night doesn't suggest something unsuitable happened it just manner she is just too younger to remain the night time.It's a new experience.Would you consider more comfy if the friend slept over at your condo? As kids they're uncovered to a vast type of circumstances and experiences. Children go to university,summer season day camps. Become a member of exercises groups and firms equivalent to scouts and guides.Our youngsters additionally must gain knowledge of that they are able to believe folks external their immediate family.We are not able to safeguard them from everything however we can educate them to be life smart.We don't need our youngsters to be scared of all people considering at some factor in time they might ought to believe a stranger to support them.You have to believe your possess instincts and you have got to instruct your youngster to believe theirs.That is what is going to guard your youngster far more than fearing every new problem.Parenting is under no circumstances an effortless job,nor is their a e-book that has all the answers.When unsure err on the facet of warning.EDIT For what it is worth, sleepovers are an first-class method to see the "real" side of your children' neighbors.That you can get to grasp them significantly better than them taking part in for an hour or two.My daughters had sleepovers they usually loved each minute of it.I'm going to restate you need to do what's proper for you and your daughter.Would you consider higher if the mum or dad had a couple ladies stay over.
2016-08-09 13:24:21 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that she is hurting her children! What does that due to their ego's? Is she so insecure about herself that she needs to be validated through a child eyes, even at the risk of hurting them?
I would tell her that the rule should be that you both show kindness and respect towards each other regarding the kids. Your marriage falling apart was hard enough for them and what good could it possibly due to hurt them! If this doesn't stop I would threaten her with you being interested in seeking full custody on the grounds of mental cruelty, her words are abusive!
You may want to add that if your son doesn't respect you because of her at a much late age he will resent her for destroying his relationship with you!
Good luck and I would see legal advice. I believe every court house has a legal library and can offer free advice!
2006-09-02 09:34:00 · answer #5 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shame on your wife. After a divorce either parent should not down grade the other in front of the child (ren). If you are doing like you say you are, then don't worry about it too much, your child will eventually see for himself that you are not drinking. This will eventually turn against your ex for doing the lying in the first place. Whatever you do, do not fall prey and sink as low as she is when it comes to you talking to your child.
2006-09-02 09:19:44 · answer #6 · answered by morris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
most women that are hurt, or upset will do anything to make the other parent look like crap. But she is probably scared of loosing her son to you. Most kids that do not live with there father/mother like visiting them more than staying home with main parent. Talk to her about it. Tell her your true feelings. Tell her you are not talking bad about her and that she should not do that about you. Let her know that the bad things she says about you can reflect in your son, meaning it could make him think that because you had a drinking problem that he will also, it can hurt your son, let her know that.
2006-09-02 09:05:20 · answer #7 · answered by sr22racing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well all u can do is reasure ur son that he is ur world and be with him as much as u can and if ur not going to be w/him on ur weekend make sure YOU tell him because he is old enough to talk to u and understand some of what is going on....my question is were u absent the first 2 or so years of his life while u and ur wife were still together? due to ur drinking? be honest w/her and tell her to stop because it is sad that she would trash talk u in front of ur son, because it sounds like u want to be a dad and that's great...wish my two had a dad like that! he drives a big rig and is never home and they stay w/their step-mom on his weekends! so cudos to u and just keep loving him!
2006-09-02 09:20:38 · answer #8 · answered by kaciekae 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your son that whatever is said you love him and will always be there for him. Dont fall into the trap of telling him his mother is a liar or say anything bad about her, he will see for himself that you are a good person and that he can rely on you and trust you. Children are very good at seeing the truth and making there own judgements. If you are always there it will come right and your relationship with him wont be damaged.
2006-09-02 09:07:26 · answer #9 · answered by jean m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Carry on doing what your doing and your son will grow up and see that what she says isn't true.
I'm a little astounded the woman doesn't understand this. Even if you were a drunk it's not her place to influence your child like this.
She sounds like a petty silly woman who can't let go of her own grudges to be able to allow her child a happy upbringing.
2006-09-02 10:27:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's spewing her negative feelings about you onto her child. It's not fair to you or your son. You might need to bring in a mediator so you two can agree on what's appropriate language around a seven year old.
Plenty of people are social drinkers and good parents.
2006-09-02 09:02:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋