My son is 7 years old, and refuses to clean his room. He is not allowed to leave his room or do anything fun until it is done. We are supposed to go to his uncle's football game this afternoon, and we told him he cannot go until his room is clean. He says fine, he wont go, and is laying down in his room doing nothing. What is the best way to get him to clean without sacrificing family plans for the night? He knows exactly what to do, we have told him step by step and shown him, so its not that he is overwhelmed. He has two tasks to complete, clean out his toybox and vaccuum the floor, but he refuses. Any ideas would help!
2006-09-02 05:57:32 · 16 answers · asked by glddstgpsy26 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I dont want to help him do something he can do himself. He is the type of person who asks for help, and when you help him, you end up doing all the work.
2006-09-02 05:59:35 · update #1
He is grounded until he completes his two tasks in his room. No tv, no playing games, no playing at all. All his priveleges have been removed until he decides its time to clean.
2006-09-02 06:38:40 · update #2
Lots of beatings are needed
2006-09-03 07:03:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't clean, will you really not go the game? Or does he know that you guys really want to go and it's sort of an empty threat?
We've got a 7 yr old and a 4 year old (girl and boy) and we use two things. For positive reinforcement, a behavior chart. Each chore is worth a point and at certain increments you get a treat or allowance or a privelege. For instance, in order to watch TV you have to have at least 5 points for each half hour.
Another method you can use is a marble jar. Every time your kid does something good, you put a marble in the jar. Maybe he dressed himself or brushed his teeth without being told or cleaned his room or was exceptionally polite, whatever it is. You can mark levels off: a certain level can be ice cream, or TV, and the jar being full can be something big, like a trip to an amusement park. Something that he wants. If he misbehaves, take marbles out of the jar. This is a method suggested by our kids' school and I know several parents who use it.
The best way I've heard for discipline is to make it the kid's problem, not yours. So, you say, "When you decide to consistently do what we ask you to, you may have priveleges back." The only material things that kids are entitled to are food, shelter, clothing, and schooling (and love, but that's not material). Everything else must be earned.
This was difficult to instill in our son, but he didn't like not having TV and things, so he's actually doing what we tell him to. Did it take a while for it to sink in? Years! Our daughter was just naturally easy going and likes seeing the benefits of what she does, so the effectiveness and how easily it will work will depend on the personality (stubborn quotient!) of your kid. Good luck! He may not like you now, but that's ok. When he's a successful adults and the others around him are clueless slackers, he'll thank you.
2006-09-03 16:20:09 · answer #2 · answered by shrinkydinkheart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You NEVER allow a child to refuse! Sometimes it comes down to a couple of good whacks on the butt!
You NEVER allow a child to ignore what you tell it to do! Nor do accept a fat mouth/back talk! If it lays on the floor, SNATCH IT UP, and mean SNATCH IT UP!
All toys come out of the room, TV is a dead issue. Stay home and miss the game, but make sure that the child is involved with so much house cleaning, cellar cleaning, garage cleaning, no favorite foods, and all food WILL be eaten, no mouth at the table!
Put the kid in martial Arts, and Music lessons.
Do home work with the child, review the work and if its bad, MAKE the child do it over.
In short, stop acting like a child and be the Parent that you are suppose to be! And Butts are not off limits!
2006-09-04 03:59:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow him in and start a timer. after what ever amount of time you believe to be sufficient, start throwing toys out. Oh man he will cry. Be strong. Stand firm. Use ear plugs if necessary. Really throw the bag out. The next time you head near his room he will scramble. If you are married get spouse in on plan- if you 2 disagree the kid will see this. That's a problem, when one parent disrespects the other, the kids see no reason to respect that parent either. Also, when he does do it without a war, do not say "well finally, you managed to do what you're supposed to do. Makes kids feel like even when I'm not a f$ck-up, I'm still a f4ck-up.
2006-09-02 19:32:29 · answer #4 · answered by Dyma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a little juxtaposing. Here in Japan every once in a while you hear this kid screaming and pounding on the door. What is this some Asian kid torturing session. All of us foreigner wonder the first time we see it. Only it isn't if the offending child has done something or doesn't want to listen to the parents.
They kick the child out of the house. Tell them if they don't want to do what they've told them to do then out with you. So for what seems like hours but probably is only fifteen to sixteen minutes the kid is banging on the door. The only way the can come back in is if they behave. First time I saw it I thought they were crazy.
2006-09-02 14:23:13 · answer #5 · answered by Attacus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 7, you'll find that its hard to get them to do much.
Some tips:
-Harsher punishment - If you have to punish him, extend the amount of time for all of your disciplinary actions according to the offense, and not to the child's age like SuperNanny would say. You can also try spanking with a belt or paddle and I don't mean you have to beat him but get the point across. (The first time you do this make sure he gets the point by either swatting him more times or by swatting him harder. Your call.)
-Make a game out of it - Some might disagree with this method but it has worked. When my brother and I were younger, we would take all the chores in the house that we had and put a twist on them. When we cleaned up the den, he would bring (or toss) me the toys and i would put them away. We would set a time limit on them and shorten the time to see how fast we could do it. (We stopped doing this after he hit me with a box of legos.)
-Clean up after everything - Teach him that he wouldn't have to clean up so much in his room if he would put things away right after he was finished with them. You should also check on him every now and again to let him know to put some stuff away.
I hope I could be of some help.
2006-09-05 14:43:45 · answer #6 · answered by nmk9543 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I teach Art to 600 K-5th graders. Stay firm. When you ask him to do something and he won't do it. Try to stay calm. You don't want him to see that his actions are affecting you. After all he is hurting himself (not you) by not cleaning his room. Give him a time limit. Ex. We are leaving for the game at 2 P.M. If you are not finished cleaning your room at 1:30 you will stay home with a sitter. Then give him time to cool down. Check on him after a little while and try not to get angry with him. If he still has not done what you asked of him, simply remind him that he has a time limit and then leave. If you stick to your guns and follow through everytime, it will work.
2006-09-02 22:08:51 · answer #7 · answered by Sandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's all 7 year olds! The problem isn't him its you. Its called discipline. No I'm not saying beat him up. You seem well forgive me but for your own benefit a door mat. Hes going to walk all over you and hes only 7 now. Time out, grounding, something that you know he would hate.
2006-09-02 13:05:40 · answer #8 · answered by John V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sacrifice the plans.........no way. Hire a cheap babysitter or ask a relative to come over. He is calling your bluff to see if you will mail him out and do it for him like you have in the past. If you have to stay home, I bet it will only happen once. but, if at all possible.go to the game, come home and talk about all the fun that he missed out on. That will be an important life lesson and he will not do it again.
2006-09-03 10:07:05 · answer #9 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps not giving him a big 'task' with a vague implication of what needs tobe done as he is obviously overwhelmed by it
continue to do things WITH him - but set a time limit on it - some of the time you will need to stand at the doorway and issue instructions - but be patient
is teh vacuum too heavy for him to use? my son is 8 and he does willingly help out with chores but has never done the vacuuming because the machine is bigger and heavier than he is
2006-09-02 21:46:46 · answer #10 · answered by Aslan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you're "grounding" yourselves because you can't shut the door to his bedroom? Ask yourself this question...in 25 years is his bedroom being a mess going to matter? He isn't doing anything to make the rest of the family miserable...YOU are. His bedroom has a door attched, shut it, and make the rule that unless it IS cleaned up no one but him can go in there because it may not be safe and you won't be responsible for someone else getting hurt. Then shut the door.
2006-09-06 01:31:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋