Should I tell the school?

Question

My 8 yr old just told me that a 4th grader who is a boy is picking on her. She said he did it last year has well. He pushes her at recess and calls her names. She had me to promise I would not tell the teacher or the principal. I do not know what to do at this point.

Answer 1

Bound's Hubby, school teacher, here:

Most definitely notify the school. What he is doing amounts to bullying which, in most school districts, violates the discipline code and in many states has been outlawed by the state legislatures.

You owe it to your daughter to inform the school.

Answer 2

A bully only attacks when he feels safe. Hence the reason he bullies someone smaller and more vulnerable. Remember bullies are cowards.

Have your daughter look around the playground or take her to the mall. Have her decide who she would pick on and who she wouldn't consider picking on. Now figure out why she chose those people and compare how they act and walk verses they way she acts and walks. You'll quickly notice the confident people are comanding more respect and getting it. The less confident people will show it and get less respect as a result.

Also, another more immediate approach is confrontation. Even if she stands up for herself and loses ... he'll still think twice about bullying her again. There is now more risk.

Not what you wanted to hear ... but it does work. Otherwise, consult a martial arts school for advice not lessons. There are many ways to disarm a bully verbally.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Why doesn't she want to you talk to the school would be my first question....

The teacher and the principal need to know if they have a bully on their hands because he may be doing it to other children as well. Our state has a NO TOLERANCE policy, which means physical and verbal abuse will not be tolerated within the schools. If a child is caught doing these things they recieve a verbal repremand, and the parent is notified, if after these reprimands it still continues, the child can be suspended, and the parents can be held liable for their child's innappropriate conduct.

I would talk to your daughter and let her know how important this is, and that this little bratty boy could be hurting other people, and the school needs to know to make it stop.

The school does not have to give the child or the parents of the child your name or your child's name if you ask them not too, it's under the privacy act. If they violate your request for anomynity, they can be sued.

Answer 4

Good Lord, you have to ask? It's been going on for over a year, and you wonder what to do? You think empowering the bully by not telling is the right thing or the best thing to do?

Well, don't tell the principal or teacher if you think that's best. Instead call the police. It's assault, a criminal act.

Answer 5

While she is in class go and talk to the principal and make a meeting with the teacher. The teacher can handle the problem as you and her had never talked unless the child is threatening your child by telling her not to tell or he'll do something

Answer 6

You have to say something. Tell your daughter to push him back, not to take s.hit from anyone. Don't allow her to become a push over, but let her know not to start anything either. She should go to a teacher immediately when it happens in order for anything to be done. If that doesn't work, you should make a trip to the school. You want it to stop, and this may be the only way. Kids will be kids, but sometimes as a parent, you have to step in.

Answer 7

Having taught in middle schools for nine years, I can tell you that unless there is some intervention the abuse will not stop and it may get worse. I never tolerated anyone being unkind in my classroom and often made students stand in class and say three good things about the victem they were harrassing. I did this when "I" heard the teasing or harrassing, so that very quickly the students understood that I would not tolerate it. They didn't try it and therefore, I didn't have to deal with a student coming to me. On occassion you would find a student that would come to you for attention and that is difficult to deal with.

Because your daughter confided in you about the abuse, you need to try to address it quietly. I would make an appointment with the principal, teacher, and a counselor. Do not meet with one without atleast one other person present. Explain that you daughter has confided in you and asked that you not tell. Be calm, rational, and willing to listen. If you go in ranting, hysterical, or emotional...you will be dismissed by the people you are trying to get to help you. Explain that you understand it is your daughter's word and that's all the proof you have, but you really would like the teacher to pay close attention for a few weeks to see if she can catch the young man and then deal with him at that time. If she approaches him out of the blue, he will know that your daughter told and the abuse will get worse (and he will be more careful not to get caught). Explain that you realize kids do these kinds of things, but in the times we live in after so many horrible situations in so many schools across the country, you really would feel better if everyone worked together to try to nip this in the bud before it goes beyond another year.

Secondly, I would talk to your daughter about standing up for herself in an appropriate manner. Talk to her about looking someone in the eye and telling them calmly that if they have to pick on her to feel big and bad, then so be it, but she feels sorry for any boy that has to pick on girls to feel big and bad. Because it's easy for a boy to pick on a girl.

Thirdly, I would consider signing her up for a martial arts self defense class to build her confidence. They will teach her to only defend herself when physically threatened, to be brave when someone is trying to bully her, and to stand up for herself after learning that most bullys will cease to harrass them if they think there is a chance their victem will fight back.

Answer 8

I wouldn't want my daughters to be picked on.
yes , You should tell the teacher about this. You don't want your daughter to be picked on by a bully.
What if she looses interest in school because she can't handle this anymore?

I don't know some parents raise their kids that they become bullies at this young age.
Very good question.

I hope things get better for your daughter.
Good Luck

Answer 9

This person needs to stop. Tell the teacher or the principal.

Answer 10

I would quietly tell the principal and ask him or her to say it was a parent of a kid @ recess who told them about the problem.