A member of my extended family was dumped on her sick grandparents when she was 3yo. Her mom left her & never came back for her. The grandparents did the best they could, but the girl really had a very difficult time growing up. She's a very sweet girl, very polite & thankful for everything she gets. She wasn't taught the value of an education, morals.... you get the idea. The first guy who came along who "loved" her really swept her off her feet. She had a baby at 17yo & of course now the guy is gone. She's not on welfare, she works & tries to make it on her own. We told her recently if she ever needed anything to let us know.
Lately she has been calling or coming over a few times a week needing money for gas, food, asking us to babysit.
We love her, but we are not rich, not even comfortable. We do what we can for her, but just can't keep giving. What should we do? Is there anything we can tell her without hurting her feelings?
2006-09-02 05:04:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Babysitting is difficult for us. I am not physically able most days to chase after a 2yo, and my husband works 60 hours a week. We have made sacrifices to do it though.
2006-09-02 05:12:34 · update #1
I know you don't want to hurt her feelings seeing as how hard she had it growing up. I'm sure she would understand if you told her you just don't have the money. If she asks for money for food just give her food. If she needs money for gas take her car and fill it up.
If she needs clothes for her child, look for them at yardsales.......
Tell her that you are not able to babysit. Just tell her when she asks that it will depend on how you feel. That you'll be glad to if you feel well, but that she needs to make other arrangements just in case you can not do it. Eventually she will understand your physical condition & go back to doing whatever she before you started babysitting.
Good Luck :-)
2006-09-02 05:19:01 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, as sweet as she is, she is taking advantage of your kindness. Tell her that when you said " if she ever needed anything to let us know" you meant an occassional favor, not monetary. Tell her you meant that If she has a job interview you could watch the baby, or if the babysitter got sick, or if she was stranded because of her car breaking down, or if she just needs to talk. Also find some information and free groups (such as single parenting at a church group, GED program, etc) to let her get in. Maybe offer to watch baby while she finishes GED and offer her to come over every Sunday for a Sunday dinner or Wednesdays for game night etc.
You just have to talk with her.
2006-09-02 12:13:28 · answer #2 · answered by melissa_lost 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can apply for WIC which will feed her and the child til the child is 5 yrs. old. She needs to apply for AFDC and any other program that is available. The family needs to tell her this along with telling her just what you said--that you are happy to help, you love her, but when you offered help, it wasn't to support her. She needs to find other help and/or a job and you can help her, guide her to do so. The entire family can offer to babysit while she works or goes to school. She needs to finish school above all. She can also get free aid (Pell grant) to go on to community college or other. There is lots of help out there, it's just work to find it. Help her find it, but don't let her put it all on the family. She was irresponsible enough to get pregnant, now she has to learn to be responsible for not only herself, but the child. It was her foolish choice. She made the bed, now she must be forced to lie in it, with SOME help......not just GIVEN to her by your family.
2006-09-02 12:16:50 · answer #3 · answered by Jan O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think her feelings will be hurt. She is probably just saying "if you can afford to" in her own mind when she asks. I know it is hard to say no (I have a surrogate daughter who asks for things pretty often), but usually they are more expecting to be turned down than we think. "Sorry, honey, I just really can't afford it. My budget is very tight, and it wouldn't be fair to my family to spend it on you right now." She knows you'd be generous if you could afford to be, and she knows your first responsibility is to your own family. If you can think of some less direct ways to help her (dig things out of your storage she can use so she doesn't need to buy them, for example), or recommend places she might go for help, or like that, then fine. But a budget is a budget, and if you don't have it without pinching on your own expenses, she'll understand.
2006-09-02 12:13:59 · answer #4 · answered by auntb93again 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt cost anything to babysit.
There really is no shame in getting state help if you really need it. She can still work and also get medical care for her child. You can let her know this when you tell her that you simply cant continue to give her cash whenever she's a little short.
2006-09-02 12:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by JC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you knw you can't do it, oh well just tell her. Be honest. to her.
2006-09-02 12:22:16 · answer #6 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋