Why do adults constantly put themselves before their children?

Question

simple enough question,but I find the answer unfathomable.I know of so many people who seem to put their children's wishes way down on the list of priorities.I'm trying to figure out why they should do this.Any ideas?

Answer 1

Because if kids wishes were granted at whim, then they'd be eating brownies covered in ice cream for dinner every night.

Because if kids wishes were granted at whim, then they wouldn't go to school and just talk on the phone all day and watch MTV.

Parents aren't there to grant wishes, they are there to fulfill needs. Unconditional love, housing, education, food, clothing, & preparation for the real world are the only thing they owe their children.

Answer 2

Your question is worded in a way that it could be misinterpreted, because you refer to the "children's wishes" rather than saying "what's best for the children." But I believe that the latter is what you really meant.

I don't get it either. So many parents do what is easiest for themselves, so they won't have to go to the effort of disciplining and enforcing limits that they set for their kids. Then the kids end up overindulged and undersupervised. So many of my son's peers fall into this category. And the boys and girls are left to their own devices, have never gotten adequate love or attention from their parents and feel lost and lonely inside.

They have every material thing they could want just handed to them, so they never learn the value of hard work, or just how little the average person really earns in a week. They have no jobs and nothing to do after school, so they go out and drink, do drugs, and have casual sex- all of which are self-destructive behaviours. They do these things in an effort to feel accepted, loved and alive.

My son hates that I check his phone records and log his Instant Messenger conversations. All of his life, I have been on top of where he is, who he's with, what adults are there, etc. He's called me names at times, but it doesn't matter to me. I've told him from the age of 4 or 5 that Mommy is my job, not my name. I am not here to entertain him or to give him everything he wants. In every species of animal, the parent's job is to keep the children safe and healthy and use the time until they are full grown to teach them the skills they will need to survive in their environment. As humans, we have the longest amount of time for doing that; which is good, considering how complex our environment is.

The problem is that reproduction is a simple, basic animal instinct- so having these important life skills is not required. In the animal world it is, because you won't survive long enough to reproduce if you haven't got the necessary skills. But because humans have eliminated the rule of "survival of the fittest" many people who are ill-prepared to cope with their own needs are having children.

But I do not believe in any governmental regulation or limitation of our personal rights and freedoms. Therefore, i can only hope that society will somehow take a turn and start embracing the concept of personal responsibility, so that such behaviours will be a source of embarrassment to the individual, and they will be less likely to act that way.

Answer 3

Because those adults are not ready to be parents. The art of parenting is putting someone else before yourself while still being able to not take yourself for granted. Some people think that they just pop out a baby and the rest just takes care of itself. That's hardly the case. And the bad part is that it's the kid who ends up paying for it in some way. Sadly there's no extended contract explaining what you sign on to when getting into parenting.

Answer 4

Because they are selfish and self-centered and not mature enough to understand that being a parent doesn't stop at childbirth - the journey has only begun.

I see way too many parents that are perfectly happy with letting everyone else raise their children while they pursue their own little things - and those same people then wonder why their kids are rebellious or into God knows what when they hit their teen years.

Answer 5

I cant speak for every adult. I can only speak for myself. I have a 2 year old son, in which my world revolves around. Some ppl never grow up I guess. I dont think any one will ever completly understand, why some parents do that. All I know is that, if it came down to my childs life or mine, I would choose mine. The one thing I will say. Is that these so called parents dont know what they are missing by being so selfish

Answer 6

I understand what you are saying and i see it all the time. A lot of people have children just to push them aside. Give them the basics and the parents think that's enough. Well it's not, these children need more then a roof over their head. I knew one lady that at Christmas time, if they didn't have a lot of money for presents and she didn't get a present she would take the children's presents back and buy her something so she would have something under that tree..That used to burn me up..My son is put ahead of me and my hubby at all times.I don't understand how people can have children and not even care enough to show them love.My son is 13 and i still get up in the middle of the night just to check on him.I see these parents that are so mean and hateful to their children and i just want to walk over and hug and love on them babies..Don't have children if you don't want to put their needs ahead of yours..

Answer 7

I see that with my friend and her children. I get so upset that I almost don't want to be her friend anymore. She thinks I am the weird parent and I need to do more for myself and not so much my daughter. I get so angry at some of the things she says and does. She did not buy her daughter any new school clothes but then bought herself a new outfit when we went shopping the first day our kids went to school. Some parents I tell ya.

Answer 8

This question doesn't apply to me. If it weren't for my children (whom I adore and would sacrifice my life for if it were ever necessary...) My life would be a very different thing than it is right now...

I HAVE given my life to them. and I am glad I did! We all have to sacrifice a part of ourselves to our children and those who don't... never grow up. It is Peter Pan syndrome and it is wrong to have them, if you are not willing to make that sacrifice.


I would have loved to wear ill fitting espadrilles and wander around NYC with an infant... Some of us don't know any better I suppose and fashion, (even bad fashion) means more to them then the safety of their own children. YES, I do mean you Mrs. Federline!

Sometimes... You just gotta wear flats and wait until later for hydration. TWO HANDS BRITT, TWO HANDS!

Answer 9

I think we have a more complex issue in this society than that...

You have parents that are more worried about their own toys, vacations, spa time, or party time than their kids....

And then you have the parents that drop everything to attend to juniors every whim. (I think this is the bigger more prevelant problem)

Either way the child is getting short changed. In one instance they realize quickly that mom and dad are concerned only with themselves and if they just whine enough they will get $20 bucks to get out of their parents hair. They feel unloved, neglected, and long for parents that really know them and love them.

In the other instance you have mommy and daddy jumping every time junior grunts. He becomes rude, demanding, unappreciative, and a tyrant in his own house. Those parents let junior rule the roost. They stop immediately whatever they are doing to run and attend to junior. The child grows up thinking the world has to go his way. He thinks that all that matters is himself. He could care less about helping others, putting others before him, defending the ones he loves (because he was taught the only one he need love is himself...no one else matters). These are the people that look away when someone else is being victimized. They are the ones that will do whatever it takes to get what they want...lie, cheat, steal.

I think we have so much of both going on in society today. There are few parents left that try to be parents. They work themselves to death, party themselves to death, pawn their kids off on daycare, school, and babysitters. They drop their kids off for activities just to get them out of their hair.

We need more parents that listen to their kids, but also set limits and tell them no (and mean it) when necessary. Parents that get their kids involved in activities and stick around to help watch or coach. Parents that sit down and play games with their kids. Parents that don't over-induldge their children with things because they know the kids will grow to not appreciate anything. Parents that want their children to like them, but aren't afraid to say no and thus accept that sometimes their children will be mad at them. Parents that take time to enforce consequences and not give in because they know that though it's a pain it is necessary to teach their children there are consequences for behavior not idle threats. Parents that teach their children the value of money by setting the example with good financial decisions, by assigning chores, paying an allowance that they explain has to be saved for what they want, spent wisely, and truely has to be earned.....I could on and on... but I need to attend to my girls. They want to go outside and play. (In these days and times they can't play outside by themselves.)

Answer 10

I don't understand why anyone would put themselves before their children. I am a mother of 5 and my children are my top priority they come before anything else in my life. I would die for them if i had to!