We moved from PA to OH about 3 years ago and ever since she has been so disrespectful to her stepfather and I. It has gotten so out of hand, and she wants to move back with her Nan (my mom), she tells us everyday how much she can't stand her life and us, and that she will runaway. Sometimes she can be pleasant and then turn in the blink of the eye. I don't know what to do, I have tried grounding her and taking away things that she likes to do, but nothing works. It is totally ruining our relationship as mother and daughter. I can't stand to wake up in the morning because I know the fighting will start all over again. Please any advice will do, I don't know if I should take her to the doctor to be checked for a mental disorder. I AM however, going to start taking her to a counselor to talk to. HELP!!!
2006-09-02 04:23:05 · 17 answers · asked by momof2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Around the age of 11, my step-daughter started having the same problems. Her temper was just out of control. We tried talking to her on her level, grounding, punishment, everything even the school counselor. I am a very loving parent of 5 and have been raising my step daughters since they were 3 and 6 since there mom up and left to marry the man she was cheating on my now husband with. I would definitely suggest getting her some professional help. My step-daughter was diagnosed bi-polar and we later found out her mom has it also and never was treated for it. Now she is on the least invasive medication and is doing alot better. I do not believe in medicine unless it is really necessary so see maybe if a behavioral therapist could do before a psychiatrist/psychologist. Good Luck if you need anything IM me.
2006-09-02 04:31:54 · answer #1 · answered by natmys333 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The kid is a spoiled brat, I don't think she was ever though any respect or discipline before, and she knows how far you will let her go with the attitudes. Considering also the fact that children are highly affected for not growing up with their biological father, they recent that more than what you think.
It is probably not too late to start disciplining her, if that way does not work, this other way might. Moms should never give up on their children. There's always hope.
Sit down with her, hug her and talk a lot about her, remember you are responsible for her happiness, she is not responsible for yours. Offer her some time away at her Nan's, ask her if that would really maker happy, just give it a shot.
Became her friend and not her judge. It seems to me she has been emotionally affected by something she does not want to talk about, and that's how she changes from being pleasant to an angry little girl.
fighting is a "NO-NO" between parents and children, when she gets angry, I suggest for you not to yell at her. Instead tell her you love her no matter what, and all you want in your life is for her to be happy, tell her how special she is to you. OK, tell her nice things about her.
Is not her fault she is like that, it is always the parents fault. So go on and fix it.
2006-09-02 04:38:14 · answer #2 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You say you have tried grounding her and taking away things she likes. I don't hear you've tried anything loving or supporting of her. During her life, have you listened to her, really listened rather than keeping busy and maybe an uh uh here and there? While growing up did you and her go out just for fun, just some women to women time together?
I'll bet deep down, your pain is not about what she does, but that you're not loving her unconditionally.
An angry person is a person in pain. She's angry, you're angry. You have so much in common.
Would you rather she stuff her feelings down and just be like a robot, pleasant, cooperative, dead?
This is actually a great thing that's happening. Stuff is at the surface, rather than buried. For both her and you. Get some counseling, where a third party will help you listen to each other. It will make both of your lives so much better, in so many ways.
Please,please, help her. Help yourself. Otherwise, I'm guessing in time, she'll start reaching for things to self medicate, reach for alcohol, drugs, sex, food, tv, running away.
Your dear daughter can't stand her life, she can't stand her life! Can you imagine how she feels?!?! Help her. Be the love that you are. Be the changes you wish to see in your world. Good luck.
2006-09-02 04:55:14 · answer #3 · answered by Joy_Brigade 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Before you take her to the doctor to check to see if she has a mental disorder maybe you should order a check up for all the adults. It is amazing how adults have kids/divorce/remarry and get all bent all out of shape when the child isn't well balanced. If you can't stand waking up in the morning I bet she feels it double. Being she is 12 (and believe it or not a 12 year old is pretty much an adult in their habits/likes and dislike) Let her go live with your mother. She is obviously more bonded to your mother as a mother figure. I suspect your mom raised her more than you did. Do this for her. I am sure they will invite you to her graduation.
2006-09-02 04:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Taking her to counseling is a good start, Their may be another issue going on here. by her talking about it may get it out. The adjustment of the move, away for her friends, starting puberty, hormones. But she has to learn respect, there is no way you should tolerate her mouthing off to any adult, have a Mom and Daughters Day, go get your nails done, go shopping, them sit down to lunch, and talk, ask her what changed, ask her how she is feeling about things, and how the two of you can work on the respect issue. Ask her what she wants you do do? Tell her you want a peaceful home, and a normal household. and you love her, and you want her to come to you if she feels things are not right, to lets try and work this out together.
2006-09-02 04:40:24 · answer #5 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter does have psychological problems. She sounds depressed for one thing, but I think there is a lot more going on in her mind. She has her identity roles reversed. It sounds like she thinks she is the parent and is trying to tell you two what to do. It should not have been allowed to go on this long. She is the child not the parent and she isn't understanding this. It will not help her to send her to your mother's house. This will only let her think she is in control to able to tell you what to do. Your daughter has a very serious problem. Behavioral management and medicine might help her. Let's hope it hasn't advantaged so much it is uncontrollable. Other parents take a lesson from this don't wait so long for treatment. Get her to a mental health doctor as quickly as possible even if it involves force or the help of the police. Your daughter desperately needs help!
2006-09-02 04:35:44 · answer #6 · answered by ruthie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She probably didn't like having to move and also she is 12 and is probably in puberty and the hormones are taking over. But that is still no excuse for behaving this way. Taking her to a counselor to talk is probably your best option. Stay calm and you should be all right. I don't think she has a mental disorder, but I suppose you could take her to a doctor just in case. You say she gets angry, does she every seem depressed? If so, it is a possiblity that she might have bipolar disorder, but she must be having depression and mania for it to be bipolar. (I know someone who has bipolar) But anyhow, I'm pretty sure it's probably just a mixture of hormones and still dealing with the move.
It is none of my business, but I will just state this. Does she know who her father is? If there's anything having to do with her father that she doesn't know about or something, this could be a major issue. Again, none of my bussiness, but this could also be a factor under certain circumstances.
Hope this helps,
Kiara
2006-09-02 04:29:10 · answer #7 · answered by Kiara 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I raised my husband's two sons. We got them when they were 4 and 5. The oldest had all kinds of problems due to the move and the fact that I was not his mother. From the sound of the problems you are having with your daughter, the move must have something to do with her attitude. The best thing to do in my opinion, is to take her to a child psychologist. That's what we did. Check with her school. They should be able to recommend someone.
It's really hard trying to deal with the situation, yourself. She will only resent anything you or your husband have to say.
I hope this helps a little.
2006-09-02 04:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure she knows whos boss because this is just the beginning. Dont try to compensate for divorce or move with "stuff" like most parents do. Grab hold now or you will have an out of control, drug useing, drinking, smoking, pregnant teen on your hands. Dont yell at her but speak to her in a reasonable voice with ststement of what the rules are. Enforce them and show her that there are tough consequences for bad behavior. Good luck.
2006-09-02 04:40:51 · answer #9 · answered by dirkdiggler9999 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're doing the right thing by taking her to see the counselor. If all other punishments fail, then she does need to see a counselor and you should take her to the doctor and have her checked for a mental disorder. I should know because my brother has bipolar and manic depressive and he is on medication for it. I myself would give my parents a hard time when I was in my teens and I would worry or panic most of the time, I did get help for my anxieties and got treatment for it.
2006-09-02 04:32:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋