The man I'm dating right now has a high sex drive and I have a low sex drive. I want to make this relationship work. I was wondering what are some suggestions to how this issue can be worked out. If anybody has been in that situation personally and they have/had a successful relationship, can you please tell me how you worked out that issue. Anybody else with suggestions is greatly appreciated too. Thanks is advance.
2006-09-02 03:58:48 · 14 answers · asked by hearts99992000 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We're both serious about the relationship.
2006-09-02 04:03:57 · update #1
You're probably not going to like my suggestion but it worked for me!! I guess the first option is what someone else already answered - compromise. You've still got 2 hands and a mouth but it's not so easy to even do that when you don't have a high sex drive hey!! Resentment kicks in after a while. (did for me anyway - might not for you) With my last bf my sex drive was really low (the one before was really high so i don't know how that works!!) But anyway - my bfs was extremely high. It got to the point where I would avoid snuggling up at night because I knew it would have to lead to sex and I hated that because I love just snuggling!! I have to admit here - I got really sick (cancer) so our solution is probably not everyone's cup of tea. They stuffed up in my surgery and I was in tremendous amounts of pain for years after the operation. Anyway - long story short - because of my pain our sex life became even more scarce and he used to try and make me feel guilty so I'd have sex with him and a guilt trip is NOT the most powerful aphrodisiac! In the end I came up with the solution of him going to a prostitute for his sex. Before you rule it out there are a few points to think about. Points that I had to think about anyway before I went to him with the suggestion. He needed sex - I couldn't give it to him so I was scared he'd have an affair. At least with a prostitute I knew where he was, I knew he'd be disease free, and best of all - I knew it wasn't love - it was purely sex. I would prefer that than him have an affair though. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, but it felt better for me knowing exactly where he was and with who. That was an extreme solution and I hope you find an easier one but this one worked for me. Incidently, we are no longer together. Not because of the sex thing - we just weren't after the same things in life. He is still one of my closest friends though and we often laugh about our sex-situation!! :)
2006-09-02 04:25:04 · answer #1 · answered by ellyfantastic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a difficult situation. It is a major life style difference. It is like one person loving to go out and socialize, and the other preferring to stay at home. When you have an issue in an area as important as this one... ..I'd honestly say it's time to find a new partner that matches up with you better. No matter if it is sex drive, or any other critical issue in a realtionship. If everything else in the relationship is "great" with him, and you are comfortable with a comprimise, and he is too .. then you have a good chance of working it out. (Does he have to have sexual intercourse to be satisfied ? There are other ways to give him a release without that.. however, if he is trying to "force" you to have sex, simply for his pleasure.. then I wouldn't bother with the guy .. I'd move on.) That is a perspective from another guy. Good luck . . I wish you the best ! :)
2006-09-02 11:05:33 · answer #2 · answered by tysavage2001 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in that situation right now, too. But it has been working for approximately a year because we are both crazy about each other. We never had sex, but we express ourselves in other physical ways. I talked it over with him in the beginning, but he was totally okay with it. That would be your first step. And then the responsibility will kind of fall on you to make sure he's getting enough attention from you. Don't force yourself to go to extreme lengths to give him a lapdance or anything--that is definitely not my advice. But men like security and warmth and attention, too, so be affectionate in other ways. And if worse comes to worse, there are plenty more fish in the sea. I know people who are hand-holding people meet up with people who are touchy-feely, and their relationships never pan out. The man should always understand, I think, because relationships should never be about the sex. Good luck!
2006-09-02 11:21:42 · answer #3 · answered by calamityjanedoe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure that you want to make sure he gets what he needs even though you may not want it as often...right? You can do many things that will satisfied his needs when your not in the mood, but you have to be willing to be open to suggestions, not from us, but from him. Sit down and talk with him about all the ways you can fill his needs when you don't want sex. It's best to do that now than to wait until it becomes a problem. I'm sure he can tell you 2 or 3 more things that would do the job just fine when he needs it. good luck
2006-09-02 11:19:50 · answer #4 · answered by juslookin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Reach a compromise. You have sex more often and he has sex less often. Buy a sexy game to get yourself in the mood.
I've never been in your situation because I have a high sex drive as well, and anyone I've dated has as well :-p
2006-09-02 11:06:59 · answer #5 · answered by Adriana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First understand the issues, maybe he'll understand a little great sex with someone you love is better than a lot of sex with various skanks. My girl and I have the same issue, but I love her and the (very) little sex we have is awesome. It'll cause clashes now and again, but it's manageable.
2006-09-02 11:13:26 · answer #6 · answered by Ketel One Up 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious about this man? Is it worth for you to put the effort in saving this relationship? Has he been given you hot and heavy foreplay? that way you will be as hot as he is, he can bring you up to his level, I could go into other things, but that is a start.
2006-09-02 11:09:58 · answer #7 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was growing up my mother had the birds and bee talk (we were very open with that kind of talks. .... she always said to please the lady first before pleasing myself. Meaning pleasing her body Sorry to be so graphic If this is one of the answers your looking for, Have him give you oral i found that my lady friend having low sex drives have better responses.
2006-09-02 11:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by loveable_bear3030 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you need to find something that will stimulate more... he's unlikely to lose his sex drive, but you can improve yours...
firstly, get more exercise (that will stimulate you)...
go to an online herbalist and look for things like Horny Goat Weed (tablets).. they will give you a boost... :D
if you aren't up for the full fun, just stick to oral... ;)
2006-09-02 11:04:53 · answer #9 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the relationship is a new one, it explains it some, and he should slow down over time. If not.......I guess you better catch up, or he'll find another.
2006-09-02 11:04:38 · answer #10 · answered by Dr. Feelgood 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋