how do i tell my parents to let me grow up?

Question

my parents are pretty strict. growing up i dont feel i exprienced enough. my parents try to keep me dependant on them. and they depend on me also to take care of my brother. my mom also tries to live life through me. she thinks i'm just like her. but the truth is i'm not. im gonna be 19 and i still dont drive. i still dont have a job. and having a boyfriend is tough in my situation. in addition to all this i do everything to please my parents so it's hard for me to tell them i just want to live my life. how do i tell them to let go and let me grow up?

though i am 18 it doesn't really mean anything. age is nothing but a number in my house

i have my license but my parents never let me drive.

Answer 1

As a woman raised by permissive parents, I can tell you that although I liked it as a child, I now realized it had a detrimental effect on me.

I reared my children with a mixture of strictness and love and they turned out very well.

When I was in college to be an elementary teacher, I learned about Baumrind's parenting style where I learned that being too strict (authoritarian parenting style) as well as too loving (permissive style) were equally bad and turned out children who were dependent, angry, selfish ,etc while those raised with the (authoritative) mixture of strictness and love and other components related to stlye turned out children who were independant, responsible, etc.

Sometimes parents copy the style and mistakes of their own parents and other times they do the opposite as they see the drawbacks and become better parents than there own parents were (my grown son tells me he will not be so strict as I was).

As parents, we do our best and we do much right and much wrong..some of it based on natural temperment and some of how messed much one's own parents messed them up. So please try to understand this.

You can learn from their mistakes to be a better parent someday to your own kids and hence are in a learning experience, even though you don't like it now.

You are certainly old enough to begin spreading your wings at least more than you are apparently doing..at the same time, it is VERY hard for parents to let their children go, especially if they are dependent on the child. My own son worried I would never let him go, but I did...

Try to explain to them that you want to learn and experience and grow more and you love them and appreciate all they do, but you would like to have a little more independence. Think of a couple areas where you can ask them to allow you more freedom and be very careful to do well and show them that you can handle it and eventually they will give you more.

Please try to remember that it is most difficult for a parent, especially a mom to want to see their little girl grow up...even people in their 70's are treated like children by their moms at times..I just read a book of reconciling with one's mother and older women in the book said these very things..so try to be patient with your parents, remembering that this too should pass.

Parents always, I feel, need and want their chidren more than the children do them and this is natural, I guess. Parents want to hold on to the past and children want to zoom on to the future.

I recommend looking at the library for books that could help you on ways to express these needs to your parents.

There are plenty of people age 19 who don't drive..it just seems like everyone but you doesn't.

Although you have plenty of time to get a job (one day you will long for the carefree days of youth without having all the hassels of working), perhaps you might discuss getting a job and saving up for a car. Once you have the money to be responsible for car insurance and obtaining a used car, you will certainly be old enough to just go and get a license on your own. Even if this upsets them, they will soon get over it.

Tell to settle for group dates and get togethers for the time being if a boyfriend is not possible due to your situation. I first suggest getting a job and car before moving out..trying to learn about things that will help you successfully maintain a place of your own and an adult's responsibilities.

Once you do that, you might consider moving and then you can have boyfriends to your heart's content. You spare yourself the hardsips of dealing with teen prgnancy, STD's, and broken hearts if you wait a little for the boyfriend...just cause everyone else is dating at 13 or 14 doesn't mean it is the best thing.

Do things gradually and be aware that this period is just as hard on your parents as you and it is one of the reasons, they are trying to control things so tightly. They are afraid..help to ease their fears, but taking things slowly and showing them you are responsible enough to handle adult responsibilities...you will be fine.

Try to notice the good things they do and the good things and advantages of the situations and not spend so much time feeling deprived. This will pass, I promise.

It is a wonderful thing that you try to please them..so many children don't. Be proud of that and keep up the good work!!

Answer 2

Acting mature is a good start and you seem to have that under control. Sit them down and tell them you are an adult and need to start to experience adult life (like a job) if you need to stay with them offer them a little board and food money, this will make a huge difference. Still offer to help out with your brother but let them ask instead of expecting you to do it. The key to any grown up relationship is mutual respect and communication.

Answer 3

Go out and get a job, or go to college and live in the dorms. There are colleges out there that really promote independence. Try College of the Ozarks. It may be a long way from home, but you could certainly afford the tuition...Check it out! Its in Lookout, Missouri.

Answer 4

first let your parents feel that you are very kind to them. you must take care of your brother to please them. after that you can ask them to have a job if they accepted ( I HOPE) you can have a boyfriend from this job & if he had a car he can learn you how to drive.

Answer 5

I wish I knew you, I've been driving on an expired license since April. I would even try and teach you how to drive, as tasking as that would be.

Answer 6

well in your case use futher studies as an excuse and get moving

but don't betray your parents,take care of them always

Answer 7

You don't have to tell them anything. You are 19! Move out on your own, handle your business. Show them! Action speaks louder than words! It's tough to do it on your own but sooooo rewarding!!!

Answer 8

uh how about getting a job and moving out? You're an adult right?

Answer 9

I'm not getting between you and your parents!
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BYE!
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Answer 10

put your panty on bathroom it wiil be nice if there is little blood or cums of bf or just run away