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Question

How can I better sibling relationship? Me and my brother have fought alot in the past couple of years. My mother recently passed which showed me that family is the main thing I have. I know that me and him both should've realizied this before her death. However, it took her death 2 make me realize that me and my brother should have a better rekationship. He puts me down when we argue. Which hurts me and causes me 2 say mean things in retaliation. What can I do to show him that I do love him because he is my brother. He pushes me away when I try to build a relationship.I don't expect an overnight success. It's just that when I do try, he pushes me away.

Sorry for mispelling words.

Answer 1

with such history,improvement would take time so u need to b patient.Do small gestures showing u care without expecting reciprocation;be ther when he might just need u but is afraid to ask for help...dnt rush throu things..

finally things really dnt work even after some time, its better to move on...things cant b one-sided

Answer 2

It's unfortunate that it takes the death of a family member to realize how short life is.

If you heard the song "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen," it has that verse:

"Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future."

Basically, you need to get past the defense mechanism where he'll see that your attempts to reconnect with him are genuine.

You can try inviting him to parties if he's in the area. However, depending on how social he is, whether he accepts is another story.

If you have children, perhaps you could have your children spend time with him as their uncle. Maybe it's possible that they can build a relationship that way.

If you two have heated arguments, you could try offering the olive branch and rather than saying something in retaliation to hurt him back, you can find a way to bite your tongue and not say anything. Then explain to him that the more hurtful words that you exchange, the further you two drive each other apart.

You could also tell him that you're trying to patch up your relationship with him because you want to honor the memory of your mother.

You could tell him that you don't want so much anger and bitterness be between you two that the only time you two will reconnect is when either of you are lying on your deathbed from some terminal illness.

The hardest part is that he's a guy. Guys tend to be closed off about stuff like this. You have to be prepared for the fact that any time you offer your hand, he may mistrust your intentions because he doesn't want to be vulnerable and get hurt.

Since both of you seem to have practice at insulting each other, he's always got his defenses up. So now you have to find a way to "de-escalate" the situation.

Answer 3

It's important now that you control your temper... I know it's not easy, but keep in mind that the relationship between you and your brother needs time to mend.. Being hot-tempered won't solve anything.. And when the both of you argues, you need to be the one who backs out.. It'll make matters worse if you try reasoning with him.. When you see he's in a good mood, or when the both of you are watching the tv together, try to start a simple conversation, ask him about school or work.. Simple things do mean a lot... One thing you should bear in mind is that your brother is still grieving, give him time to cope with the lost of a loved one.. I know you are going through the same, but maybe he needs more time than you do... Hope this helps and all the best!!! :)

Answer 4

I am having a problem with my brother as well right now. He knows exactly which buttons to push too.....The best response that I have ever gotten from him is when I DO NOT respond in the way he thinks that I will. Sometimes, I try to make a joke out of his negative comments and surprise him with my response. You're right thoughs, family is the most important factor in your life. Let him know flat out how important he is to your life, and why. It is going to take some time, especially if you have been estranged for a while. His trust of your relationship is low, and so he is not going to put much energy into maintaining it. Give it time, but don't give up. Send a card, make sure that you remember important dates, and be consistent about phone calls on the weekend, etc. He'll come around, eventually. If not, don't forget that the only control that you have is over yourself, your responses and your emotions. Good luck!

Answer 5

I'm going against the grain with my answer here. I too have lost not just one but both of my parents. For years I was hung up on the fact that my two brothers and sister were all I had left of 'family'.

I finally woke up and realized that sometimes our 'family' members are not necessarily people we 'must' have in our lives. Brothers and sisters are humans, just like everyone else. If you don't feel close to your brother, maybe you just simply never will. If he is not treating you very well, don't beat yourself up about it.

Yes, he is YOUR brother, but people need to get over the fact that it does not justify being treated badly no matter who he is.

I finally had to step away from my only sister, who is basically a mean spirited person and has pushed everyone away from her (long story). I no longer blame myself and wonder what else I could have or should have done to connect with her.....I want to say I've finally came to realize it was time to just move on on. I am very sad because of it, but it is what it is.

I wish you the best with this situation. Maybe your brother will come around and reconnect with you....I sure hope so. If not, remember that at least YOU tried.....Good luck.

Answer 6

well this generally happens when one of you is jealous of the other, the reasons could be many, you can know what it is and try to work it out.
well it is also common of siblings fighting a lot, its a natural phenomenon, to better the relation, one must know what one feels and there should be a good connectiion between the two of you and share and solve out each others problems

Answer 7

With all the fights you are having i am sure your brother too must be having similar feelings for you specially after your mother's demise.Handle him with patience, tact, love and compassion.If that is too hard just be normal and do not argue with him.Things will work out over time.

Answer 8

Hey C'mon mam.....He's ur brother so It isn't just u who feel that, Even ur bro feels the same. U love him doesn't mean u have to show it, U've told that He puts u down in an arguement , so why Do u argue???????? First of all keep ur self cool, Don't try to bring in any kinda troubles.....

Just give him support if at all he needz it......It isn't prety difficult coz


HE'S UR BRO

Answer 9

It's very difficult to change patterns with family. I sympathize but can't really tell you the answer because I don't know it myself, it sounds similar to my brother. But you only get one family and maybe you just have to put up with some fighting to keep the relationship. Keep reminding him that you don't want to fight.

Answer 10

not much you can do, i mean you are only half the relationship, if he isnt going to put in effort then all you can do is try.. when he starts saying mean things to you dont reply to anything, dont let him know its bothering you.. just dont say anything that lets him know its affecting you... when you know he isnt mad just talk to him about somehting that has to do with both of you, then after awhile when things are getting better between you two ask him to do something with you that you both like to do...

if it doesnt work out its not your fault, its his, all you can do is try and let him do the rest.. if he doesnt then its his loss...

I wish you both the best of luck