My daughter's biological father has not been in her life and she is now almost 13, he chose to constantly be in trouble and go to prison 4 times, non-violent charges, is it wrong for my husband and I to not allow him to see her now that he has been out since Jan 2006. Keep in mind he agreed 3 years ago that if he ever went back to prison, it was his last time to see her. But, now she wants to see him, but, can't tell me why..
2006-09-01 19:20:01 · 4 answers · asked by dspencer3276 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Please keep in mind that she has no reasoning to want to see him, is she old enough to make that decission yet?
2006-09-01 19:29:46 · update #1
ok he has had 4 chances to straighten his life up to be a dad for her and chose to go to prison instead, 4 times, still deserves to see her? She only knows my husband now as her dad, but knows that he is her step dad.
2006-09-01 19:31:42 · update #2
I have never lied to her, she has always had a straight answer from me when she asks something. We have a great relationship as mother/daughter, but want to make the right choice here.
2006-09-01 19:33:43 · update #3
It is really important for your daughter to be able to see her biological father. I speak from experience. I grew up without my father also. It is only natural for her to wonder what he is like. She shares some of his genes!
If you don't allow her to see him, she will only resent you and doubt that you are telling her the truth about him. Let her meet him and make up her mind for herself. If he is worthless, she will see that. Otherwise, she will spend the rest of her teenage days wondering (until she is an adult and able to see him on her own). And it may create a rift in your relationship, as well as her relationship with her stepfather.
She might not be able to explain why she wants to see him, because she is afraid of hurting you. No doubt she knows the pain he has caused you. She may be afraid that she is "taking sides" if she goes to see him.
The best thing you can do is be supportive. Can you imagine how confused she must feel? Don't make her think she is betraying you by seeing him. Don't make her feel guilty. Of course, it would be prudent to make sure the visits are supervised. It's understandable that you are worried given his history.
It may also be good to arrange some counseling for her to deal with her feelings surrounding this situation.
Good luck to you!
2006-09-01 19:36:34 · answer #1 · answered by dazed_and_confused 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents didn't tell me that my dad wasn't actually my dad until i was over 21 and I am blessed.
My real dad is an alcoholic and a drug user. I grew up in a good Christian household with morals and love. He told my mom when he found out she was pregnant with me that he would rather kill himself than marry her (to make an honest woman of her, i guess).
I met my biological father and am getting to know him and he really has changed. But it was only a good thing because I have matured enough to know who I am and that I don't have to be anything like he was or is.
If she wants to see him, be ready for a lot of heartache. However, if you forbid it, it will only make matters worse and even, though unlikely, make him out to be the victim in all of this when really she is. Just continually reassure her that she doesn't have to be anything like him or follow in his bad footsteps.
2006-09-01 19:38:36 · answer #2 · answered by superdave_11316 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A girl needs her Daddy, and if he has looked for her then allow him to see her. YOu don't want for her to resent you. Just lay the laws down with her dad...... And if that doesn't work then tell him to sign over his rights, and leave you all alone...
2006-09-01 19:29:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should let her see him, if thats what she wants. This is her choice. Not his, or yours.
2006-09-01 19:27:21 · answer #4 · answered by scorp964 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋