I have a girlfriend who had recently got a divorce for me. We have to hide our relationship from her 2 kids ages 11 & 12. She doesn't want her kids to think I stole her away from thier daddy. I am respecting her choice, but we are both struggling to express our love for eachother like we want to when its her turn to have her kids. (joint custody). Its 1 week she has them, the other week their dad takes them. She says her kids come before anyone. She hates pretending to be in this relationship around her kids, yet she says she has to hide it for her kids health. I have told her I want them to know, but she won't do it and I am not pressuring her because I respect her choice at the same time. This is so hard for me, but we have come a long ways throughout the last 4 years. Should I just hang in there? Should I call all of this quits cause I don't like pretending I don't love her when I do? Should I start showing interest in her in front of her kids? Anything help appreciated.
2006-09-01 19:09:08 · 11 answers · asked by frantica 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The best thing to do is to let her decide when it is okay for you to meet her Childeren and she would have to be comortable enough to do that as well. It is not a good thing to pressure anyone in to do any thing what ever it may be when they are not ready to or not comfortable to go there as of yet.
The best thing for you to do now is to be pacient and let it come when it comes cuz it is not easy for a mother to go through things as she may begoing through as of now and it will not be real easy for her childeren eaitherI know that you do love her but one way to show that is to let her decide when she is ready to interduce you and the new relationship I know it may not seem that day may come but it will.
2006-09-01 19:20:03 · answer #1 · answered by Peace Man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she is really afraid that her children will think you stole her away from their father, just wait a little bit. Tell her that you will wait a while for the children to get used to their parents being divorced. Then you can make your relationship with her public and perhaps her children will not notice that you had a relationship previously. Also, you need to be honest and let her know how you feel. If she is absolutely unwilling to ever let the relationship out in the public, you will have to do some soul-searching to determine how much this relationship means to you. Lastly, chances are the children already know what is/was going on.
2006-09-02 02:14:11 · answer #2 · answered by jjdanca18 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are walkin a fine line brother. Do not crooss it when it comes to her kids. Whether the excuse is real or not, its not a battle you will win. She may be looking for something in your relationship before exposing her kids to another possibly horrifying event. Those kids already dealt with too much, she is trying to ensure it doesn't happen again. It sucks you have to pay the price for anothers mistakes, but if love is what you feel, you'll find the patience for her. Show her you mean love and not until..... Try and be supportive of her and for her. She has been hurt as well and is terrified of anything resembling that outcome. Try to understand like those kids were yours. Its the position you're applying for.
2006-09-02 02:20:17 · answer #3 · answered by kmusic212 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is real with herself and her feelings for you. She should want to incorporate her kids and you with appropriate feelings and a lot of talking with her kids. At 11 and 12, preteen, don't expect anything. Your in a very delicate difficult position that I'm sure she is trying to avoid. Let her do all the explaining, introductions, and future speaking, any and all discipline. Infortunately, with their age and the "teenager angst" just around the corner. You really need to get firm support from her on where you stand. Teens need consistancy and stability at home because they aren't getting it anywhere else. Its good that you let her lead you with the kids situation and know how to feel and that she knows you respect that, but on a personal note of a simular situation, damn, its hard isn't it...
Only one thing that I would really question. If she can't love you enough to put those two worlds together, then you have to decide if you want to be with her and wait till they are grown to have her fully... Good luck
2006-09-02 02:24:44 · answer #4 · answered by SNAZZAMAJAZZ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long has she been divorced? These kids are old enough to understand the situation if she would just sit them down and talk to them. If the two of you "really" love each other, then why hide it? Let it show! The father of these kids may be dating someone else and I bet you nine times out of ten, he's not hiding it from the kids either.
2006-09-02 02:17:41 · answer #5 · answered by tantalizin1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The cure for this is some time. Not too much, either. The kids need to adjust to their parents being apart but they can benefit from having a step-dad, too. A divorce is a complicated matter, but the fires do simmer after a while, really, they do. Things will calm down and life will be normal.(talk to her , though. you guys need the kids to adjust to you, too)
2006-09-02 02:20:32 · answer #6 · answered by feathereafter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her kids are going to find out, one way or another. Tell her that!
If she was sooo interested in their health, why didn't she stay with the father. I think she is selfish. And you are a home wrecker. Shame on you. Did you or do you intend to marry her? If so, it is time to tell the kids. If not, you will get what you deserve when the kids are grown up.
2006-09-02 02:18:11 · answer #7 · answered by ageless 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with 'yellow'. But do not take it too far overboard in front of them when they DO find out because they will; kids aren't as stupid as people like to think. "Small pictures have big ears"
2006-09-02 02:16:58 · answer #8 · answered by Miss Understood 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how long she has been divorced...I mean if it hasn't been long then you need to obviously leave it alone, but if it's been years then she needs to wake up and start letting them know that you guys are at least dating.
2006-09-02 02:12:09 · answer #9 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should just hang in there . your girlfriend sounds like a smart mom. i think she is doing the right thing. and you respecting her choice. good for you.
2006-09-02 02:18:58 · answer #10 · answered by tia c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋