My grandma died when i was 6 years old. I am 13 now and i have so much trouble with her death why is that??

Question

This lady at some kind of mourning thing my mom took me to when i was 12 said that i cant get over her death because im mad at her for leaving me and i didnt get to know her...And i have 3 memorys of her that i cherish but i am losing them and i get so mad and sad when i try remebering things so i need to know i guess who can i accept i cant have her back? i mean i know this but mentally and emotionally i need her

i did go to her funeral and i do go to her grave every now and then. but the three memories are just church,going out to the garden and getting tomatoes and the day she died...the strongest is the day she dies i remeber every thing from that day
no i dont think there is anything i am hiding from unless its more anger that i couldnt see her in the hospital?

all of your advice is appreciated and i am taking it all in i am sorry for all of your losses and for those who are like me and are still hurting even though its been a few years since your loved one has passed.

i think i have so much pain because she kept my family together and now i only see my dads side on july fourth every year.maybe what i am hiding is that i hate my grandpa for changing,seeeing an evil wicked woman who the whole family hates and that he never sees me anymore....

anyway sorry about that rant thanks for all your advice

Answer 1

It was wrong of them not to let you see her in the hospital. But I think back then hospitals believed they were doing the right thing by not exposing children to dying people. And I think now they are finally realizing that children too (which is what you were) need closure, need to be able to be allowed to grieve and say goodbye, just as adults do. And to keep them away from that or to deprive them believing you are protecting them is not helping them, but hurting them; and in fact downright cruel because it negates and denies their feelings. Perhaps that is moreso the reason for your anger, that you were denied the right to be by her bedside when she most wanted to see you and hold you. If she is still tugging at your heart strings so, believe me when I say she is trying to tell you she is still watching over you, and to please, please forgive your Grandpa and don't think he doesn't love you. Because I can guarantee you, if you ask him, he will tell you that you so much remind him of your grandmother that it still pains him to see you, and that he too, has not yet healed. And that's why he has a hard time seeing you. Not because of this other women he is with that you claim everybody hates. He is with her out of loneliness, not love. Nor is he betraying your grandmother. On the contrary, she is glad he is with her, because he cannot be alone and he too, like you, can't accept that he can't have her back.
Told you you didn't get to know her? Darlin", let me tell you, you knew her VERY WELL, and that's why it's taking you so long to grieve. Take all the time you need. Remember the pink one.

Answer 2

First, I am sorry about you loss, even though it was a while ago, i recently lost my Grandma (jun 05), although I am almost 31, but I too have a hard time with it. I spent 11 years in the Army so I didn't have the ability to see her much, and i lost my other Grandma in 2000, while I was in school in Georgia. Losing both has made me mad because I was in a situation where I just couldn't leave when I wanted to go see them, so i missed out on alot of time with them. There isn't really anyhting I could say that would make the situation better, but just know your not alone and most everyone goes through this situation in their life. I lost my grandpa when I was the age you lost your Grandma, and I do hate that I never got to really know him, all I have are very faded memories of him, all it did was make me want to spend time with the relitaves I have now so i don't feel that way when they go. It is hard to get closure because there isn't anyone to take her place, so it will be hard for you for a while. Death is never easy, and I have had close to 10 really close relatives die since I can remember, and everyone is hard, so just know that she is somewhere looking down at you, and although you don't remember her, she remembers you and loves you, and she wouldn't want you to be mad or sad.

Answer 3

i am so sorry for your loss,death is a hard thing for any one.i lost an 11 year old grand son in a drowning accident a year ago this July,what was really hard for me was me and my husband raised him and his two sisters for almost nine years,when there mother decided to come back and be a mother .my grand son didn't even know who she was when he first saw her .he was only 11 months old when we got him.she never came around or even sent the kids a birthday card or a Christmas card,NOTHING! the courts gave the kids back to her because the courts said that kids should be with their biological parents .WELL THE COURT IN THIS INSTANT WAS DEAD WRONG.I am still very angry with the laws of Illinois ,WE did get visitation for the kids, but again she had that stopped also .grand parents have no rights in the state of Illinois.if she hadn't took visitation away from us my grand son would still be here,because the week end he died was the week end we would have had him.i miss him every day.if you could only do what i have done,i have him in my heart always and for ever until the end of time,when we will once again be toghter again.his sister put her armes around me and said(grandma it will be okay because he is in a better place than we are)with that thought in mind ,it eases the pain a little every day.you hold thoes memorys in your heart of your grandma,she is watching down on you and knows how much you love her.

Answer 4

Gosh this hurts, doesn't it? Mine died when I was 5. She was great. Used to play with me and have tea parties with this little plastic dinner set she kept at her apartment just for me. I lost all of my grandparents by the time I was 8. It really hurt to hear my friends talk about their grandma's and grandpa's ( I never got to meet either of my grandfathers). Every time I would hear one of their stories I would feel that loss over and over again. Finally, I just thought of the special things we did together and even the things I couldn't stand to do like weeding at my other grandma's house. It just takes time. I'm 34 now. I still miss her a bunch but now I can appreciate the special things. Every time I eat a turkey sandwich with mayo, jelly donuts, coffee cake, or a carmel she just pops into my head. Don't try so hard to remember, she will always be with you in ways like that. Those little triggers will open the flood gates to more memories.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you lost your grandmother so young. It's tough, I know, I lost my parents. Here I am 54 years old, and one day I was sitting at the computer and all of a sudden I wanted my mom, wanted her with every fiber of my being and I lost her when I was 15. It's a wound that never truly heals, we just learn to deal with it.

It's normal, we never really get over death. But as for your memories. Get a journal and make it just about every detail you remember about her. Write those memories down before you lose them. Ask your mom or dad to write a memory of her in the book. Make it a project to find out everything you can about her. Bring her to life in your mind once again. Then when your book is complete, you can enjoy it and know she is always with you.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Different people mourn in different ways. Sometimes, people are in shock right after a loved one dies, and they suppress the pain for years until it finally comes out. It could be that some of your feelings were bottled up inside and that they're just coming out now. My advice is to rely on family and friends, and to be close with them. Explore your feelings with them, especially your parents. You might also want to consider seeing a grief counselor.

Answer 7

While you still have some memories write a journal with what you do remember about her. Maybe get some pictures of her...especially if there are some pictures of you two together and create a scrapbook. Did you get to go to her funeral? Sometimes it can be hard for a child if they are not allowed to go to a loved-one's funeral to say goodbye. If possible go to her gravesite and "Talk" to her. Tell her how you feel. You will feel better once you get your feelings out.

Answer 8

It's normal. People deal with death differently. My brother died when I was 17 yrs old. I'm now 29....he's been gone 12 yrs....and I still can't get over it. I guess I'll never understand why he had to go so soon??? He was only 23 yrs old when he passed away. They say the good die young....but that doesn't help console me any.

Answer 9

Because now at 13 you understand a little more about life and death and as you change and grow you wish she could be there to see it all. This may leave you hurt and angry, but remember the good times.

Answer 10

my grandpa died when i was 11years old..he was like a father to me everytime the family had a problem he would solve it all..but my grandfather was very important to me and i have many many unanswered questions and sadly i cant tell you what he sounded like and i spend years trying to remember and remind myself of things he said..well now i am 28 my grandma died when i was 27 i felt yet again my life was falling apart..and i dont seem to refer to her as if she is dead..and people dont get my grandpa died so long ago they only get i am in so much pain about him being gone..

I understand what your saying i was mad at my grandpa for leaving me..he had a massive heartattack i had to go to school and he died at a vets hospital..my whole life changed that day everyone did..

now i am looking for people who could help me get past my grandpa's death and i have dreams that i do not understand..i remember them both now and again and see them in my kids..then i am so very proud or when i say something and remind myself of them..that is when you really start to heal..someday you will feel better..someday you will be ok but maybe you have some crying to do, and maybe you need to find someone to talk to to help you get through it..i miss my family i truely do and my kids deserved to have them in their lives..but i have my mom and i am thankful and i have my family and i am ok but i dont ever forget my grandparents

what has helped me to stop being in pain so much and get past some things is to go back to my hertiage and find who my grandparents was..and live my life according to their thoughts, and beliefs..then i know i am going the right way and i will always remember and there is a strength in that