SIPPING VODKA
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook
2006-09-01 18:13:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't s! ay he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Please no offense meant.
2006-09-01 18:14:17 · update #1
Please feel free to send it to others. I enjoyed it so much I had to share it.
2006-09-01 18:37:08 · update #2
hahaha
thats hilarious
just don't go and post that in the spirituality section, they may night like it as much over there
2006-09-01 18:18:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Highly entertaining
2006-09-02 08:26:14 · answer #2 · answered by wondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny.
2006-09-02 01:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by sweet.pjs1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am absolutely full of grins as I was raised in the church but have been distanced for awhile. I very much think those are hysterical.... THANK YOU
2006-09-02 01:19:17 · answer #4 · answered by Beano4aReason 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes! (lol... hehehehe.... gasp..gasp) This is definitely HILARIOUS! I am going to have to send this to my Pastor!
--- If that's okay with you? :)
By the way, he sends me stuff like this all the time, but not this one yet!
2006-09-02 01:23:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Heard it b4 but every time i hear/read it i LMAO
2006-09-02 06:23:44 · answer #6 · answered by amit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i fell on the floor! laughing so hard! lol! im gonna be laughing for days!
2006-09-02 01:49:25 · answer #7 · answered by .oh snap.london bridge.oh snap. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked it
2006-09-02 01:17:24 · answer #8 · answered by chetahbill 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
lmfao
2006-09-02 01:23:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lmao
2006-09-02 01:16:52 · answer #10 · answered by noggle4 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋