What are my other options?????

Question

My daughter is 8 now and since kindergarden she has been having trouble staying on task, well I have put her on ritalin in the 1st grade and when the teacher knew she was on it, she was saying it worked great. But when my daughter complained of stomach pains, I took her off of it and for nearly three months the teacher did not know that she was off. Then I started hearing about all the side effects, so it is not an option for me any more. But every year they try and make me put her on meds. The special school district came in and tested her and said that she scored to high on the tests to get any special classes. Now she is in third grade and having the same problems. The teacher is now trying to talk me into putting her on meds again. I am so fed up with people trying to talk me into drugging my child. What else can I do?????

Answer 1

If a child is feeling tense or stressed in school it is possible that she will have difficulty concentrating. This is something I figured out a long time ago, but I recently heard someone who is a professional in the field confirm what I always thought. Stress caused elevated cortisol levels, which make it difficult to concentrate.

This may sound bizarre and like it goes against everything people are told these days, but I believe I made a mistake with my son when he was in kindergarten by not giving him much food that had fat in it (which, now that I've had some stress in my own life, I realilze calms people down some). (There was also a thing on a news program about people with terrible epileptic seizures that nobody knew how to do anything about until someone figured out to give them a certain type of fat in their diet, and the unbearably frequent seizures were either drastically reduced or stopped - I forget which or what the percentage was.)

Another mistake I made (now that I have the benefit of several years' hindsight I realize this) was not to get my son out of the school that had gotten him in their cross-hairs and wouldn't leave him alone. I knew at the time I questionned what they said because I knew what they said was wrong with regard to what they thought he could do. I knew what he could do at home. I thought it was reasonable of me, though, to at least listen to their opinions because I assumed they may have something to offer me with regard to what they saw in school. I learned as I got older and he got older, that they were just idiots and that I should have yanked him out of that school and given him a start in a new school the minute they interpreted his good behavior as being "introverted" and noted "he won't join a group uninvited" (well, neither will I).

Looking back, what my son would have benefitted from is:

1. Getting him away from that school, which was deceptive because it was a nice, suburban, school with teachers who smiled a lot (but they were stupid).

2. Getting him a tutor immediately.

3. Making sure he drank more milk and ate more cheese or even some dark chocolate. (I have since discovered that two Lindt truffles actually acted like a tranquilizer for me when I was going through a very stressful time a while ago.) (When my son got older he'd come home from school and go for giant glasses of milk. He would request that I not buy the 1% or 2% milk - and, by the way, now that he's grown he won't drink anything but the 1% milk if he drinks it at all.)

4, If I had been confident enough not to doubt myself and not to try to act "reasonably" and listen to anything the teachers said at all. It seems bizarre and unreasonable to just refuse to listen to them, but there are times when, in fact, teachers can be all wet.
I know now I should have just said, "Look. Leave him alone. If he ever has some problem behaving or getting along with other kids let me know. Otherwise, just leave him alone. He's five! "

5. Identifying what it is in the school that could make a child feel kind of tense or intimidated or otherwise stressed out. My son used to change his whole posture as he'd enter the school. He was a quiet, well behaved, little boy; but the school saw him as an introvert and the wilder kids as "boys will be boys". (My son was "all boy" out in our yard, but he wasn't a rough kid in a group.)
Children can be tense if they feel they don't have enough time, if teachers yell, or any number of things. (The school secretary once said to my little boy on one day when we happened to be late, "If you're late again I'll cut your legs off." She said it in a joking way, but a little kid not used to such so-called "jokes" may not know what to make of that type of thing.

Anyway, I don't know if your child's situation may be like my son's to one degree or another, but if she was off the medication for that long and nobody figured it out that should tell you something.

I have known children (not mine) who have shown no signs of learning problems or ADHD at all, and then - all of a sudden - they get to school and someone has them on medication. I may not be an expert, but I know the signs of ADHD and ADD and have known enough young children to know when a child clearly cannot have either. Over-medicating is going on all over the place, and I'm sure you can find plenty of reference on that on the Internet or at the library or book stores.

If the school people themselves tested her and don't think she's special ed material, that, too, ought to tell you something.

The school may not be doing anything horrible, but if, for example, your child is quiet or for some reason uncomfortable in school (even if now she's starting to feel like "everyone knows she's got a problem"), it may not be easy to figure out what the root cause is; but consider such a possible cause.

I have no way to know what may help your child or whether she should have medication or not (obviously), but I thought if I shared what I learned the hard way it may help give you the confidence you need to assert what you know about your own child and to refuse to allow them to just automatically assume the problem is in her and not with something that is happening in school or even with some way they are treating her.

I was way to polite and "reasonable" in ever listening to any of those people at all, and my son paid for it. If I could do it over again I'd be a little less "objective" and "reasonable"

There is that argument, "But they do so well and stay so focused on the medication....". My answer to that one would be, "And I'd be a better football player if I took steroids, but that doesn't mean it would be a wise thing for me to do." It isn't for me to say that some percentage of some children may actually be better off on medication, but I really believe they play a little fast and loose with trying to pin all school problems on the child without ever even being smart enough to consider that it could be some failure of the teacher or the school. (Did you see the 20/20 thing on schools in America last evening?)

Answer 2

I can feel for you. I am a single dad and my daughter is almost nine and is ADHD as I am. She is also in the gifted program at her school because she is very smart. I started noticing how unusually hyper she was at age 4. I was able to control it to a certain degree by keeping careful track of how much sugar she was allowed. By second grade it was not enough and after doing carefull research I put her on Aderall XR.....She takes a pill in the a.m. and another smaller dose after school. Her behavier has improved a lot even tho we still have some problems in the afternoon if she forgets to take her medicine. I still control her sugar intake and she knows she is not allowed anything with more than 10 grams of sugar at a time. I have talked with her teacher and when the teacher sees her getting really restless she will give her a small task to do like handing out papers or doing something in the classroom for her. She has had no side affects from this medicine. I have told her that it is not a " Magic Pill " and that she still has to controll her own behaiver as best she can. I also keep her fairly active so that she is tired at night and we keep the same bedtime schedule year round altho I do let her stay up late for a special reason sometimes. She plays tennis, takes piano lessons and has Brownies to keep her from getting to wired. I am lucky that I caught it when she was so young because she has no problem watching her sugar level even when she is at school or with her friends. I do let her make an exception for birthday parties and things like that. She is not allowed soft drinks and to be real honest she does not even like them and I am thankful for that. The doctor has always told me to watch her appetite but she is a good eater and because we both have food alergies I cook everything from scratch and she loves vegtables. She had no idea what a Happy Meal was before age 6 because I can't eat fast food so she never had. She drinks milk by the gallon and water. All of these things have been very helpfull over the years and I still have hope that she may outgrow the ADHD, but if not then she is well aware of how to take control of her life as she gets older. I also do not allow her to eat meats that have nitrates and nitrites in them because for some reason they react to her system and wire her up. All else I can sugest is to do A LOT of reading on the subject. Good Luck to you and your daughter and if you need any other ideas and I can help, Please send me an e mail and I will do all I can.

Answer 3

Work with her....get her special tutoring.....teach her strategies that will help her stay on task. My husband was ADD when he was a child. The ritalin helped him stay focused until he was at an age to learn the strategies and put them into practice. I'm not saying that you should drug your child cause I know that there are serious side effects. I would call some learning centers and talk to the school administration about tolerance towards kids that need special attention. As a teacher I know that it's a struggle to deal with children with no focus, but we really shouldn't be telling parents that they need to drug their child. The parents are the ones who are gonna have to deal with the side effects long term. Not the teacher who only has them one year. Good luck. I would really check out some learning centers that work specially with children that have trouble focusing.

Answer 4

Through twenty years of teaching, I have seen many side effects of children who have not been medicated correctly and my biggest concern is self esteem. Think about how embarrassed your little girl is when the teacher has to keep calling out her name and reminding her to stay on task.......and she literally can't help it. She wants to do good in school but can't because of the focusing weakness that she has. Students begin to see that she is singled out and don't want to sit by her, her grades go down because she can't focus.....even though she is smart and most importantly, she starts feeling really bad about herself and her self esteem begins to dwindle.
It has been my understanding in working with parents, doctors, and school districts that if a child is tested at an early age then there are serious weaknesses in their ability to focus. No teacher, parent, of doctor wants to put a child on meds if it is not neccessary.
Think about immunizations...........there are side effects with those also but, they help the child.
Many times, at first, the child does experience nauseau and the doctors work so that the child no longer has that pain by regulating the medication and working on ways to alleviate the pain.
You are the mom, and it is your final say. If you don't want her on meds then that is your decision. Keep going to doctors, psychologists, specialists, etc. until you find a way that works for you. But, please be careful.......along the way her self esteem may become damaged and that takes years to overcome.

Answer 5

try fish oil tablets. They can often help a child to focus. If she is struggling at school then it won't make her interested in the work as she just doesn't get it. Try getting a tutor for her and see if some one on one teaching helps her to improve. Also then you will be able to see her in action and if her inability to focus is just at school or all the time. If it truly is ADD (i would go to a paediatrician and get it properly diagnosed through much testing) then it may benefit trying a different drug. If she falls further and further behind at school is is really helping her being off meds? I would see the paediatrician and start fish oil tablets and get a tutor to start with

Answer 6

Bound's Hubby, high school teacher, here:

Based on what you provided I would suspect your daughter might fall into the category of gifted and talented and is actually showing signs of boredom by not being adequately challenged by the curriculum or the teacher. Try to get the teacher/principal to buy into the idea of having your daughter tested for G&T program.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Gosh, I hate to give you advice because I don't have any experience with Ritalin. However, it is something I've given a great deal of thought to because my daughter is giving me some concerns.

My only advice is to talk extensively to your pediatrician about your concerns and her side effects. There may be other options, such as trying to change her diet. However, I wouldn't suggest anything without your doctor's approval.

Answer 8

stand your ground, she is getting away with something and it is working for her,you got teachers who needed a job and went and took what was open and you have those who are Teachers who
really care and are concern, she needs an education you might have to home school.even grown -up can't always stay on task, maybe she is Bord,are grades good but I think she will be fine, have a grandson like that he sometimes had me in tears,I raised him,he was on Ritalin and took himself off at age 10, by putting it under the tongue and putting ti in trash when in one as looking, she make need more love and attention (good luck,I think she will be just fine

Answer 9

Try getting your daughter a tutor, and if it hurts you too much don't drug your child, in my opinion, i hate to grow up on meds everyday. and talk to your daughters teacher about how u feel.

Answer 10

tell the teachers to shut the u know what up. that is your child and she may just have a hard to paying attention it's normal to some extent. talk to your doctor about what else u can do and the next time that teacher tries to tell u how to raise ur child give em heck

Answer 11

Homeschool. You'll love it. She'll love it. Right now, all school is doing is teaching her that she is defective. That's a terrible lesson. Though we homeschooled since birth, so to speak, I know lots of people who started after their kids received the terrible treatment yours does. These people are so relieved and happy, they can't believe the difference without the pathetic school system breathing down their necks, ruining their lives.