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I do not get to bed until 1-2am then have to wake up at 4:30am to get the up for work and school. The minute I get up I make the coffee, my husbands lunch, and my daughters breakfast. I spend 30mn. getting them to even get out of bed. The minute they leave I start the daily chores. I may get an hour nap. This depends on whether I have other things I need to take care of. Instead of a Thank you, or even realizing that I do this, They do everything in their power to find and point out something I didn't do right! How can I get them to realize what they are doing wrong? How can I make them realize how they make me feel when they can't point out the things I do right? It makes me look like I am the one who is mental and crazy, when I know that all it is is I want to be appreciated. CAN SOME PLEASE TELL HOW?

2006-09-01 17:18:35 · 32 answers · asked by no.#1 Mom 4 in Family & Relationships Family

32 answers

Take a morning off!

2006-09-01 17:21:38 · answer #1 · answered by woundbyte 4 · 1 0

Let me tell you something, you deserve a medal. Not only are you sleep deprived, you are putting small conveniences for them at a more important level than your own well-being. You didn't say how old the child is, so I'm writing as if he/she is too young to help much.

If it was me, I wouldn't get up in the mornings. Just tell him one day, "Starting tomorrow, you are on your own. I'm not getting up until I've had 8 hours of sleep." Let your husband make the coffee, breakfast, and pack lunches.
If that doesn't work, tell him you are on strike. From now on, you will cook and clean, but you will no longer take care of anything specifically for him. Do only your laundry and the child's, not his. Clean around his stuff, don't pick it up and put it away. Since the child is old enough for school, this applies to the toys and other things that he/she leaves around the house. Make sure that whatever you are doing isn't for his benefit alone. While you don't want to shower in a dirty bathroom, you shouldn't be cleaning his if you two have separate baths.

In general, just stop taking care of him. After a few days (or weeks) he will notice the difference. He should apologize fairly quick.
If he doesn't then maybe it's time for counseling. Being walked on is no way to spend your life.


P.S. If you don't have a separate job (from wife/mother/maid) that's keeping you up at night, then go to bed earlier. There is nothing that is so urgent that it can't wait until the next day.

2006-09-01 17:36:35 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0 0

Don't do all the work. Does your daughter have chores that she does each day after school? If she's old enough for school, she's old enough for chores. Maybe your husband could help with some things too after he gets home from work, let him rest a bit, but then ask him to help you do the work. The next time one of them tells you something you didn't do right, ask them to go do it instead if it's something they can do. Make sure you tell them thank you when they do something though, maybe they'll see how nice it is to be apreciated, and might start thanking you. These are just suggestions, don't know how helpful they might actually be.

2006-09-01 17:24:18 · answer #3 · answered by Little Angel 2 · 0 0

Sit them down and tell them. Just because they both leave the house to work and school doesn't mean you are sitting there doing nothing all day. You need help... demand it. Set up chore schedules for everyone in the house. You'll have more because you are the homemaker, but your daughter should have chores.

My son has had chores since he was 3 and he's now 6... he empties the dishwasher, folds laundry, feeds the cats, sets the table, puts dishes into the dishwasher and cleans his own room.

But the KEY here is COMMUNICATION. Tell them honestly how you feel. You have nothing to lose.

2006-09-01 17:37:54 · answer #4 · answered by Rogue Scrapbooker 6 · 0 0

Well my husband usually appreciates me but when he starts slipping I usually call my sister and we get up early and go out all day(its usually a day that hes off of work) we normally don't come home till 10pm. By the time i come home he has a whole new attitude! (my kids are 2 1/2 and 1 1/2). Works every time. Try having them do thing for a day or two,the house might be a reck but at least they will get the point of how much you do. Hope this helps.

2006-09-01 17:25:24 · answer #5 · answered by lovepink24 2 · 0 0

I know exactly how you feel as I'm in the same predicament. You are unappreciated and undervalued. The only thing I can think of is for you to get some me time. When they all go off for the day run yourself a bath get some favorite snacks and a couple of good DVD's and just relax for the whole day. As for getting the daily chores done just let it go for a day thay dont notice it anyway .If hubby tells you off just say you needed an RDO (rostered day of} and you'll be having them once a month at least.

I know its easier said than done when you can see all the stuff you need to do ,but we as women sometimes really need to show our families that we are human too and need to have some fun and be appreciated for all the UNPAID things we do. Good Luck.

2006-09-01 17:32:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

There is only answer to your question. You need to go on strike!

I was in a similar situation when my daughter was 16 and my husband was acting that age as well.

I was up until 4 in the morning running my company, I would get home at about 4:30, get my husband up, he is a Denver Cop, fix him breakfast iron his uniform, clean the kitchen and then clean the house until I got my daughter up at 7, fixed her breakfast, took her to school, fixed super, got it in the fridge for them to nuke, got to bed about 9, up at 2 and back to the office to do it all over again. All I could hear was what I did wrong, so I called a family meeting and told them that from that point on, since I could do no right, I was done doing. I only did my own laundry, only cleaned up after myself and my cooked my own meals.

They apologized and I thanked them for it, and kept right on doing what I was doing. I stayed on strike for 2 months.

After that, there has never been another ounce of disrespect in this house.

Go on strike until they learn you are a human with feelings and a valuable member of the household!

2006-09-01 17:37:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Assuming you can't go on Try My Life, or a similar show, get away for awhile. Book a hotel room for a week or stay with someone and don't tell them where you are. Let them handle everything for themselves. Let them know that you expect the house to be in good shape, the errands and chores done, etc, while you're gone.

2006-09-01 17:27:28 · answer #8 · answered by Crys H. 4 · 0 0

GO ON STRIKE! MAKE THEM ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS.

If your daughter doesn't get up then that is an unexcused absence from school. In other words don't call in for her. Let her dad do it.

If he doesn't get up for work that is his problem YOU AREN'T HIS MOTHER. YOU ARE HIS WIFE. When he gets upset because of missed hours at work remind him that it's HIS JOB not YOURS. It's not your responsibility to mother him.

You aren't getting any thanks yous then stop doing things for them you are the mom/wife you run the household you can make them realize that they are taking you for granted.

When they point out what is wrong politely remind them that if they don't like the way it's done then they can do it their damn selves otherwise they need to shut the "BLEEP" up about it.

Take some of your time back for you. You are not a doormat. You are a wife and mother. It's time for you to open their eyes and give them a does of "what would happen if I wasn't around"

2006-09-05 07:37:22 · answer #9 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0 0

I finally had enough of that when I had my sister, her hubby and 3 kids, plus my hubby and his son all hear and wanting to be taken care of.
I went on strike, then they had a real reason to complain. I then introduced them to the meaning of chores, they had to learn to wash their clothes because they had none, then they ran out of dishes, no one got them up in the morning, they were late for work, or the kids missed the bus.....need I say more.
yes, I am capable of doing this, but, they now appreciate what I do, and, they even lend a hand every now and then!!

2006-09-01 18:13:44 · answer #10 · answered by Torri * 3 · 0 0

Stop doing it. If your daughter is over the age of 7 she can get her own butt out of bed and fix her own breakfast. Since your husband would be up with her HE can supervise her until he leaves for work/she goes to school. Just "go on strike" for about a week...they'll figure it out.

2006-09-05 10:41:13 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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