How can i control my temper towards my 2 year old son?

Question

Sometimes i feel like i talk to the wall or just for my well being. when he dosnt do what i say i get upset n yell at him i spank him. i never believed in spanking n i dont like it. sometimes i give him what he wants just to keep the peace.when i spank him i know it hurts him cuz it would hurt me sometimes i would just keep spanking i try to limit it to 3 times at once but afterwards he just goes back n do what he got in trouble for in the first place no matter how much i try to get his attencion on something else i love my son very much he just dosnt listen how can i make him listen without briving him i scare myself and my friends just by the way i yell imagine the way my son feel i try to this in mind but he just continues how can i stop him and my temper

Answer 1

Start at your sons doctors office. Ask them for help and get your son a physical to make sure he is healthy and there is not a medical reason for his miss behaving. Find some local parenting classes and take them. Your son is repeating behavior because he has gotten so many mixed signals he doesn't know what to ever expect. Or he may be repeating bad behavior just for some attention.

I will be honest with you, by admitting here that you lose your temper and sometimes physically with your son, is you recognizing a problem and wanting help. Please talk to a therapist or sons doctor so you can receive that help. I suspect your temper control issues are not limited to just your son. Please find support somewhere so you and your son can have a healthy relationship and your son is safe and loved. Blessings and Good Luck.

P.S. please do not listen to anybody who might suggest you need to mentally "break" your child or respank them if you feel they are not sorry. A parent like that is clearly in need of serious help. Any small child that does not want to kiss his parent is proof that the parent has totally screwed up big time and their own child doesnt even want to express love by kissing them.

Answer 2

One we have all been there. Take a deep breath. In though the nose out through the mouth. It's OK for him to cry sometimes. Does he have a room that you can put him in for five minutes? Let him scream. Let him give himself a headache. Plus it will make him tired. He should sleep a lot better.

Spanking is not necessarily bad, but it doesn't work for everything. On a two year old I mostly slapped hands when my kids reached for things that would hurt them. Time out and letting them scream worked better. If the kid wants to bang his head on the floor drag him to a carpet. Don't react and DON'T give in to temper tantrums. Never spank when you are angry. Cool down first. Breath deeply.

Explaining your feelings is useless. This is a two year old. One at that stage they do not recognize other people as having feelings. They haven't developed that yet.

Good Luck

I lived though 3 of them. You can do it.

Is your son communicating? If he isn't speaking it could be something else. (autism spectral disorder) He doesn't like kisses? This could be acting out from his inability to communicate. I have seen this before. If any of this sounds familiar enable your email and contact me.

Answer 3

I have found that the child is not the only one who needs a time out. I have had to leave the room, go into another room, close the door and count to 10 or 100, whatever it takes. Spanking is not always the answer. 1,2,3 magic is a very good technique. And taking things away as a consequence works, even at his age. If you take away a favorite toy or whatever it is he likes, he will remember that. Time out is great, but you have to stick to it. Don't back down and give in. Once you give in, you have lost the battle and he has won. He will not take you for your word. Maybe you need to attend a parent support group. They have child care so you can ask questions like these and get opinions from other parents such as yourself. Good luck.

Answer 4

Yelling and hitting are both forms of abuse. You need to learn better parenting skills without doing either of those. I suggest you get some good books on behavior modification in children and parenting.

Time outs, with a naughty corner where he stays until he behaves (usually no more than a couple of minutes for one that age). Get eye level with him when you explain (in a CALM voice) what you want from him.

You want your child to look back on his childhood and remember a great mom, not a screaming, hitting witch.

Get some time to yourself too, relax, take some deep breaths to calm down. Count to 10 before you open your mouth if you feel like yelling. Then think, how would this best be SAID, not yelled.

Answer 5

Not an easy thing to cure but the first step is having awareness of what you do and a desire to change. So that's a good start!

It can't be done in a simple answer here, of course, so I would suggest two things:

1) Find a real life friend to talk to about this, and tell them what you need and what you want to do. Make it someone that you respect and who you think is good with kids. Then talk to them daily about this issue. The constant dialogue, the reflection, the feedback, and the advice will help to start the change.

2) Prepare in your mind to keep control for just the next time that this situation might occur. i.e. say to yourself "I know that I will get angry again, so I am going to think about it now and how I will react when it happens." And then think about how that reaction will happen and visualize how you will head it off. And then work really hard to make that happen when it does occur. And then do the same thing for the next time, one event at a time. You won't be perfect, but you will be getting your head engaged in the game, and you will start to effect change.

And remember, kids are never perfect. It's normal for them to fall short of expectations. It's a constant process of forming and teaching, and slow improvement.

Good luck! :)

Answer 6

I think you spend too much time with him. Get a sitter for a few hours a day or send him to daycare. You and your son will benefit and his behavor should improve learning from others about sharing, being around playmates. He may be bored as you say and task stimulation keeps kids busy. Read to him. Whatever you do, you must react to him in a calm manner.
If you say you are going to do something, you must follow thru, but be calm about it.
Sounds like he knows how to push your buttons and you need to control that temper. He is a 2 years old. You are an adult. Just say no and don't spank him. Say no a thousand times if you must and stay calm.
You must change the behavior that he reacts to, whatever it is.

Answer 7

Well all you can really do is show him love and support a 2 year old is still learning, and it takes a long time sometimes to learn things at that age. Spanking him isn't always a answer. Time out is a good answer, go without desert. Something small is all it takes, if you show anger tords him at a young age it makes it harder becoming a teenager for him and you. If he knows how to drive you crazy at a young age what are you going to do when he is older and knows how you react to things.

Answer 8

hey kandy
you arent the only one who has been through this
you sound to me like you need someone to talk to
i dont mean professionally
i mean just in general a good friend or companion
life is so tough sometimes its so easy to see what we need that doesnt mean its that easy to get it
all i can tell you is do your best and at times when you dont feel you can handle disciplining your son, YOU take a time out
i know when my son was two, he's five now, i had to just let him do whatever we were locking horns over until i felt i was in control then id go back in and try it again
its almost unbelievable how tough it is being a good parent sometimes isnt it
especially if you are the only parent
good luck girl and just remember that your son needs you all you can do is do your best

Answer 9

I know it is difficult not to scream , however as you can see it gets you nowhere . As a matter of fact it never can because at that point HE IS IN CHARGE of the situation . { he is controlling your attitude & behavior . That causes him to do it again the next time . Children { of all ages } want & need disipline . He wants you to hear whatever it is that he is trying to convey . When he does this next time stop what you are doing and take him to his room . He will fight you of course . when you get him there sit down and say in a Calm voice , now I think you want mommy to hear you so I'll be back when you stop screaming and you can talk . Walk away till he stops . It will take a few times , but then he will learn that you will listen but only if he asks to talk quietly . Yes even at 2 yrs. old . see they sense that you have taken charge .
It will be hard at first but HANG IN THERE UNTIL IT WORKS !

Answer 10

Anyone who has ever had a 2 year old has felt tested. You are not alone, dear. I suggest when you feel your anger or frustration coming on, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and go to your bathroom, shut the door, and sit and breathe for a few minutes. You need to know at his age he cannot help everything he does, as he is probably acting on instinct at his age, not on what he has been taught. Buy him some books and when he gets testy offer to spend some quality time with him reading. When my daughter was that age and she would act up, I would find my camera and say "If you want to help mommy take pictures you'd better straighten up"....kids love taking pictures..... Tell yourself he will "only be this age once"...things will get better.