I just need some advice from some mothers..im thinkin about gettin tubes tied...Yes or No please help?

Question

Ok here goes I am a 20 year old single mother. I have a little girl how is 2 almost 3, however when it comes time for her to turn 3 my 2nd child will be born. I am currently working working part time, because i cant afford full time daycare ( so my mom watches her). If that isnt bad wenough i cant even afford to live by myself or take care of myself..my mother basically pays for everything and i just help. Both fathers of my children have walked out and i cant find either one of them to try to help with child support. I have discussed this with my family and they all think it is a terrible idea and im being cruel. I guess my question is is it wrong of me to get my tubes tied, because i guess i dont want to keep having with no support from there dads...2 is hard enough( how is someone suppose to do more than that.) I guess i need to add that my parents dont want me to because that what happens if i get married and my husband wants kids..then im in trouble. Need advice please help

Answer 1

You are so young to being thinking about such a relatively permanent solution! I applaud you for trying to be responsible, I do. But really, couldn't you be responsible enough to consider abstinence--or at least another form of birth control? How would you feel in 5-10 years if you met a wonderful, stable, loving, caring man who loved you and wanted to marry you and adopt your children and have another baby with you? When you're 25 or 30 you'll still be very young AND your kids will be in school full-time. You might have the time and energy and finances to devote to your children and another baby.

If your finances are an issue and/or you don't have insurance, then look in the phone book or on-line for a nearby public health clinic and make an appointment. You can get regular "check-ups" and free or greatly reduced birth control--confidentially.

Whatever your decision is (and the choice is YOURS, not that of your parents or the public), congratulations on wanting the best for your children thinking responsibly. I hope you find a REAL man who is willing to wait for you, LOVE you and care for you and your kids PERMANENTLY.

Answer 2

I am 47 and had my tubes tied after the birth of my second baby. He's 18 now. Would I do it over the same way? No I don't think I would. Situations change. Life changes. One of my favorite sayings is 'This isn't the life I ordered.' The father of my boys passed away when they were small...7 and 2. Life wasn't easy. I eventually remarried and couldn't give him a child. I don't think that was the only reason it didn't last, but I do think it was one of the bigger ones. Raising children on your own is a huge undertaking, but it sounds as though you have a wonderful support system in your family. My concern for you would be in your selection making where men are concerned. It wouldn't be an easy thing to do, but I would consider counseling to find out why you are hooking up with such loosers. In the mean time, I would think about those long acting contraceptive shots after the baby's born and you want to start socializing again.

Answer 3

Two children are alot of work, especially at 20, when money is tight. It might be a good idea... BUT, you are real young and could do something you might regret later IF your situation changes and you decide to have another baby later down the road with a man you marry. However, it's YOUR body, and if YOU decide that you truly don't want to have more children than you have, then it's your decision to make... not your parent's. If you do have your tubes tied, & you later marry, be truthful beforehand and if he loves you enough, he will adjust. Good luck & just concentrate on being the best Mom you can be to the two you have. (I had 2 children when 19... now have 2 grandkids)

Answer 4

Unfortunately, you're the only person who can truly answer that question.

It seems that you have learned the hard way the struggles of single parenting. Given what you've learned, and are going through, it's perfectly understandable that you would consider having your tubes tied. However, 20 years old is young.

Perhaps looking closely at the men you date would be a help to you. Because you already have two children, maybe you should consider dating men who have been married and now divorced with a child or two. A man in that category is highly unlikely to want more children.

It sounds like you have been very quick to settle, based on your prior choices in men. You never have to settle.

When you start dating again, try E Harmony. com. They have a very high success record. You can "sift" through carefully, take your time, and date ONLY those who have the same goals as you.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I didn't read all of your paraghraph but I read enough to want to tell you about why I tied my tubes at age 19 1/2. My third child (daughter) was born in Febuary and I turned 20 in September.
Anyways I had two boys, miscarrage (boy), and then my daughter all by age 19 1/2. I had asked my then live in boyfriend to marry me practically begged him several times. And he kept saying no because his mother was against it. So when I was pregnate with my daughter and sonagram and doctor said it was definatley a girl I told him that I wanted to tie my tubes. He so agreed with my dicision which was I did not want to end up like a lot of women in my family having 5 to 9 kids all from diffrent fathers and single. That was just a really bad thought for me. Well my then live in boyfriend then decided that he was ready to get married when my daughter was 6 months old. We got married and the marriage only lasted three years. I was divorced for 9 years and yes I did the stupid thing and got married on rebound to another guy but that only lasted 3 months. So I say if you definatly feel that you are done then do it. But if you feel that if you meet a really good man and wanted to give him a child then seek some other form of protection. But please don't be like my older sisters that wanted a child from every Tom, Dick, and Harry. It's not worth it plus my step-mother is raising three step-grandchildren at the age of 80 something. Good Luck and pray for guidance.

Answer 6

I was in your same situation and I got mine tied when I was 24. Later in life I met a man that I loved very much but he had no children. Our relationship ended because I felt as though he should find someone that could give him a child although we both loved each other very much. If I had not gotten my tubes tied we probably would be happily married now. There are other methods of long term birth control. The only way you should get them tied is if your are 100% sure you never want any more children. The surgery to get them untied is very expensive and your chances of getting pregnant are slim without other expensive medical assistance!!!

Answer 7

well if you get married and your husband wants kids there is always a reversal that can be done but it does have it's risks. Otherwise you are stuck with IVF methods of having children afterwards. My only advice is that you get yourself on some birth control after this last child is born and be sure to use protection when you do have sex. I just had my second child when I was 23 and I had my tubes tied the day after he was born. It is really your decision to make but be sure to look at all sides of it before making a hasty decision. And good luck with both of your children.

Answer 8

I got my tubes tied when I was 30, and I'd never had children. There were no complications, and the only pain was brief and for a day or two after surgery. I'm now 40 and don't regret my decision one bit. I didn't want to have children....

Anyway, it's your decision to make. You've got to know in your own mind that YOU don't want anymore children. Don't let finances be your only motivation. It's likely that some day you'll be better off financially. You're young, there will be many changes throughout the next 10 to 20 years. If you don't want anymore children, then you'll be searching for a future husband or companion that also doesn't want children. I found a GREAT one!

There are places, such as Planned Parenthood that are very helpful in helping you find a birth control that works for you. Birth control is made in many convenient forms. They can provide physical exams professionally, and very cheaply, and they have birth control available at greatly reduced rates. They are non-judgemental, and make great counselors.......Take it from me, I used to be quite poor, and I went to them for years. I'm now one of their supporters now that I can afford it.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

No it is not wrong to make the decision to have your tubes tied. However, if you are no longer seeing anyone and concentrating only on being a good mother to your children (now your first priority) there is no need to rush to a decision. You may get married someday, if you respect yourself enough to stop seeing men who only want you for one thing. But if you absolutely do not want any more children and decide to have your tubes tied, then any future husband who would love and cherish you would honor that decision. Good luck... hang in there and take care of your babies and YOU.

Answer 10

let me tell you from a mother of 2 ,10&12 yrs when are 2 child was born I had my tubes tied! a am glad i did because it is hard to be a parent know of days! if and when you find the right man in your life!he will not only love but your kids! there is nothing wrong living with your family!I was29 before i moved out and got married!just love these kids forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!