My parents want to change my resentful behavior, what should I do?

Question

When I turned 13 I was sidetracked, bad crowd. A night I got home a bit drunk. Dad got angry and spanked me. And I was grounded for a month. Today, 7 months later, I'm the kind of daughter every parent would be proud of, in my parents opinion. My grades are excellent, I have good friends and even take part in some social activities. But I've never got over what dad did to me, what I see as a simple violence. And completely unnecessary, since I was grounded anyway. Since that day I've spoken to dad only what is strictly necessary. My mom helped me when I was grounded, helped me change, but I resent she supports my dad and says he loves me and spanked out of love. Impossible.Now my parents are upset w/ my resentful behavior,But I dont get in trouble, hardly talk to them and I'm polite though distant. I dont bother them, when I need advice I go to someone else.They want me to act like their daughter.That`s hurting me emotionally. Y dont they leave me alone? Want to punish me again?

Answer 1

Ok here goes. First, you're required to be polite. To strangers, friends, teachers, parents whoever you come in contact with or else we become a mob of sub-human animals. Natural order of things. But this silent treatment, being aloof-distant, is a kind of emotional blackmail toward your parents. "I'm mad at you all so I aint gonna talk to you." This action is bringing on the opposite reaction by your parents. Of course they aren't going to "leave you alone." You push away they try to get closer. Funny how love does strange things. It's a wounderful unstable emotion. But your parents do love you, care for you, fear for you, wouldn't trade a moment without you and couldn't consider of a life without you.
Now maybe your Dad over reacted with the spanking. 13 years may be little old to be spanked. But "bad crowd" "drinking" -that's a train wreck! A real formula for disaster. You say you have good grades so my guess is you've got the good sense to see you made a mistake. Maybe even "seen the light." What's done is done we all make mistakes. Hopefully we/you learn. Choose not to make the mistake again.
Now "what should I do?" Hmmm let's see.
7 months. Thats a long time. Long time to be carrying this bagage "hurting emotionally" resentment toward your Mom for "supporting your Dad"
Once upon a time 2 people fell in love and from this you came into this world. Well, I suppose it's natural they kind of would support each other. It may be difficult to see that they are doing so on your behalf but they are. Can you ask yourself why your father became so angry? If not I will ask. Could it be that maybe he was 13 once? Maybe doing things or seeing things happen? To be so scared to think that his daughter may be getting herself over her head? Do you want to bet that that your parents know more about being 13 than you do?
What should you do? Just ask.
"say dad I was wondering did you ever get into trouble when you were growing up?" something like that for a start. You need to start talking to them/him
Because this agonizing silence is festering like an infected wound. And don't think they aren't hurting also. They're human not made out of stone. "Geez I got this daughter who won't speak to me -bummer!" They are proud of you for sure. How could 2 people create such a smart wonderful stubborn person
7 MONTHS! Time to move on. You say you have good friends you go to them for advice? Thats why your parents are there.
If they think your being resentful instead show them you are grateful. 7 months ago you you made a bad choice now make a good choice.

Answer 2

He he, this is funny. Simple, but funny. :)

Are you going to let that scar you for the rest of your life?

To you, it is uncalled for and humiliating to be spanked at 13.
But, it is hardly an issue, I don't think it really hurt your physically that much -- they probably didn't hit you hard enough to bruise your bottom.

So, if you are such a grown up -- I am not saying you are not -- then you have to simply swallow your pride on that and forget it.

Perhaps you could look at it this way:

Sure they were wrong in spanking you, could you find it in your heart to forgive them? Mind you, they have forgiven you for getting drunk -- at an illegal age, didn't they? Had you been arrested, that would have meant even more trouble for your parents, bet you have not considered that. You are lucky to have parents / family who cares., so treasure it.

Besides, the reason you are asking this question is because you feel you want to take some action. Perhaps you could talk to your Dad about it and see what he says and also explain to him how you feel. It is not a fight, just a talk. It will do both of you good to air out some repressed feelings.

Growing up means taking the responsibility and imitative; and here is your chance. It should be a piece of cake for you.

Answer 3

I am a parent. It might be a cliche but he did this for your on good. Think of the positive out come that came of it. I know you will never come home drunk at age 13 again. Your parents are still there for you. The response could have been much worse. Some parents would send their kids to rehab even after one mistake. You are 13 and yes you are going to want to rebel, but that is life. In the end your parents support you. If this after 7 months is still bothering you, then talk to your parents. If you can't handle you father, then mention it to your mother. And I mean talk, you do not need to yell, point fingers, or blame anyone. Try telling them how you feel, not want you want them to do. It sounds to me like your parents are trying to move on and you are the only one holding back from a good relationship with your parents. DO NOT miss out and resent them based on your mistake. Really think about it, your daughter (13) comes home drunk or even alcohol on her breath, how would you react?

Answer 4

Look as a dad its hard for him to think that his lil girl can do any wrong and when she does it breaks his heart. You say you got a bit drunk what if some guy took that as a chance to have his way with you could you look you parents in the face and tell them what happen ? You are looking at the whole thing wrong as a man it's your dad that has to take care of the family and he has to make the hard choices wrong or right .Now you only get one family you need to listen cause trust me there will come a time in you life you will thank him for what he did.

Answer 5

You're 13-14? And you can write and express yourself like that? I'd say you are way too mature to be holding onto such resentment! Look at you--You made a choice to change and can see how much better off you are--Good for you! Now, make the choice to be grown up enough to forgive your parents for doing the best that they know how to do. They aren't perfect, and they probably are trying to help you become a responsible, successful adult--the only way they know how. Is that really so bad?

Answer 6

No, your parents don't want to punish you again. You are lucky because it sounds like you have parents who love you very much. Getting spanked is a silly thing to be so resentful of. But I'm sure you will grow out of it. Just try to concentrate on how much your parents love you and think what you might be doing now if they hadn't responded that way. Keep yourself out of trouble! ;)

Answer 7

You got spanked seven months ago, and you're still sulking about it? Sounds like you need another spanking right now. Think yourself lucky you've got a dad who cares enough about you to spank you when you need it.

Go and give your dad a hug, tell him you love him and you're sorry for coming home drunk and making him worry about you. Promise you'll try not to do anything to make him punish you again. From the way you write, I'd guess you're mature and intelligent enough to do that.

Answer 8

sometimes you need to forget its for the best. Your parents will always be there and they do act irrationally sometimes. Now just by reading what you said i can tell that you are intelligent and opinated which is great to see in a young teenager. You just need to break the barrier and talk because they love you and they are looking out for you deep down. Some parents just deal in different ways although i would never spank my daughter if i had one

Answer 9

I was spanked when I misbehaved, the last one was around your age. They do love you allot. Do you think just grounding you would have worked? You are the one missing out. Stop and think! If you were the parent and your child did something like that,what would you do? Put it down for a life lesson and start talking to your parents. If something happen to them to-marrow and you never could talk to them, how would you feel?

Answer 10

You should be thankful that your father cared enough to spank you for your behaviour, think where you might be now if he hadnt. That spanking actually saved you a possible life of missery on the wrong side of the tracks. I have lost count of how many times my mother and my father gave me a good spanking for doing something wrong (mind you I am 47 now) You should be respectfull to both your parents for the things they do for you. If your father doesnt love you I would imagine he would have just kicked you out of home and let you survive on your own.