he is defiant and stubborn. "They" say he has adhd and is on 15mg Adderall, i don't think it is working. He tells me he hates me when i correct him. help before its too late.
2006-09-01 14:52:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Your son is emotionally in the middle of things. The doctor saying he's got adhd and medicine is involved (expectation 1) Then there is the 'clucking mom' expecting that he behaves and not show (out of her expectation) behaviour.(expectation 2) then there is the peer preasure of friends, neighbors, school and how he's expected to 'behave'.(expectation 3) and he can 'see' a imaginary light of hope and peace, by blocking everyone out and in his own world. Your son has 'no' release and no excape from the preasures of the day and influences. so he attacks the nearest and dearest, the only one around that he on one hand feels safe with, but on the other hand, cannot 'tell' you what he is going through, due to more medicine or being labeled or corrected. He wants 'respect' too and he's not getting it due to the influence of other's always breathing down his back for the way they want him to be, but other's are wanting him to respect them, for being 'parent' so this is my suggestion. Focus more on the positives that he 'does' do. if he says he hates you then say " that is ok, i'm our mother and i love you' don't stoop to his level and argue with him, that gets you no where. someone has to be the adult here.( we all know how funny it looks when we see 2 children fighting over the same toy) but with careful guidance, this can be learned. If he also is defiant, then tell him 'that is our choice' but with every choice that he makes -remember there is a positive and a negative side to it, if the result is a negative one, then ask him what he's learned from it. (as all things happen for a reason - and lessons in everything that we choose to do). This can be a 'stage' that he goes through, or it can be a long effect one, all depending upon how much "YOU" react towards it, where he shows negative, then address it as a positive and giving him responsibility and choices. I'm not saying to go out and reward him a toy, but i am saying to reward him by sitting down with him, so that he can focus on a different aspect of the situation, it a more adult matter. Children are just like adults, only in smaller bodies. They all get hurt the same way, learn the same way, and understand alot more then what parents are willing to take note on. Spanking him at this point will only show him violance, it doesn't correct anything, infact it makes it worst then it was before. That is like walking down the street and a stranger hits you dead in the face, then expects you to understand that they are sorry and wants you to trust them. doesn't make sense right? well in the child's eyes it doesn't make sense either. Slapping a child in the face, is slapping a angel in the face, as we all come from the spirit world, children are the closest item to the spirit world as we get. Listen to your child's behaviour and reactions of fear.(we all get angered and frustrated -its what we choose to do with that anger that effects our actions) let him be a child, but at the same time, allow him to release those frustrations of the day, in a positive way (like a hobby of his choice) when he's angered, he can always go to it and be in his own world, and when he's ready to talk - he will. Remember - don't correct him so much, he'll learn more by going through the mistake, then by you 'telling' him. one last thing, please take him off the pills, too many parents 'think' that just because they are having problems with the child and the doctor says they are adhd, doesn't mean they are. do the research on adhd, statistically, they are learning that they labeled it, because no one was really taking the time to learn about the child and didn't know how to be a parent to the child.
2006-09-01 16:09:59 · answer #1 · answered by cariadion 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A defiant 7 year old doesn't need to be medicated. if you can, network with your schools Social Worker for resourses for counseling and behavior therapy. Everyone has opinions but what you need is some help...to keep your sanity and get your child on the right track. Maybe enroll him in a quality Karate school that teaches respect and discipline. Its a long hard road but if you are persistant and consistant you will see a change. Rmemeber YOU are the adult and YOU make the decisions.
God Bless and hang in there
2006-09-01 15:58:15 · answer #2 · answered by Nick Name 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My 9 year old is also defiant at times. He may need counseling or someone else to talk to, because if he is like my son he waits until it's too late and then he has a temper outburst. He is not on meds and they are not always the answer. ADHD is an easy way out for DR.
Good luck!! If you need to talk just e-mail me!!!
2006-09-02 14:51:12 · answer #3 · answered by jpet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about adhd, but there is an excellent resource for parents called How to Raise an Emotionally Healthy Child by John Gottman.
P.S. It's normal for kids to say "I hate you" to their parents sometimes. Don't let that get you down.
2006-09-02 03:43:59 · answer #4 · answered by MorningG 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I teach 7 year olds and have seen my fair share of disrespectful children. Be consistent, keep him on a structured routine. Don't worry when he says he hates you. He's trying to get a reaction. Don't argue with him. Do research on Love & Logic. It does wonders with kids like this (as long as you're consistent!)
2006-09-01 15:00:34 · answer #5 · answered by jojo 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Take him back to the paediatrician and do a parenting course to help with techniques for behavioural issues. Something that can come with ADHD is ODD (oppositional Defiance Disorder) Get him properly diagnosed to be sure he needs to be on drugs and come down hard on him. Take away all his possessions and make him earn them back through respect and good behaviour. If you think it's hard now imagine 15 and no respect. Get on top of it now while he is still littler than you.
2006-09-01 22:58:57 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
After finding out from his doctor that except for the ADHD he is a normal little boy.
*Treat him with respect. No name calling...no foul laungage.
*Allow him to have only the things necessary such as food, shelter & clothing----take everything "fun" out of his room, he's not allowed to visit friends or have them over
*no TV, music, electric toys
*when he's disrespectful send him to his room & refuse to debate with him
Make sure to tell him why you've taken these actions....you love him but you're not happy with his behavior and you want him to grow up to be a respectful responsible young man.
As he changes his behavior you give him things back but when he goes back to his old ways you take things again. He's 7 so a week is a good time frame
This may seem harse but if you don't do it now you'll have a 15 year old male who is out of control.
2006-09-01 15:57:34 · answer #7 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to talk to her, and make sure both of you will not accept him disrespecting either parent. I hope she is not playing some sick games playing him against you and that you are not also. I don't mind this in a critical way, but he will model your behavior. If you treat her with lack of respect in front of him, he will learn to disrespect women, so be careful of that. Everyone must act respectfully and talk respectfully about the other parent in front of him. If your son does not act with respect, then whichever parent is with him needs to calmly and firmly let him know it is never acceptible. He will end up hating the parent who is bad-mouthing the other.
2006-09-01 15:01:28 · answer #8 · answered by Zelda Hunter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop feeding him fast food. Watch Supersize me. Cut out all fast food/sodas. Limit the amount of sugar/caffeine he intakes, and he'll become more manageable.
2006-09-01 14:58:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Try acting exactly as he acts towards him and see how he likes it. Then sit down and have a talk with him and find out how it made him feel....Then tell him~~now you see how you make me feel sometimes.....Doesn't feel too good, does it?
Also, get him into activites with you that will occupy his mind and at the same time, make him feel special that he's "helping" mommie.
2006-09-01 15:55:54 · answer #10 · answered by Gigi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stop caring whether or not he likes you, stand firm and be his parent. Psychoactive drugs do take some time to work, but if he has been on them a while, then discontinue them. When he says that he hates you, just sweetly tell him that you love him enough for both of you. Look up love and logic parenting on the web. We were having similar problems with our 7-year-old, and it has made a huge difference in how we handle him. There is no yelling. If you tell them to do something, and they don't do it, you tell them that because you had to spend time doing their chores, then you won't have time to cook dinner for him, or drive him to soccer practice, or whatever is the next thing that he would expect you to do for him. Then follow through--always follow through. If he wants dinner, tell him he can buy your time with his toys, and make him give up his best stuff and lots of it. This puts the responsibility for their behavior back on them and makes the consequences immediately relevant.
Be strong. Be calm. Sooner or later he will get it if you follow the program. He will learn his bad behavior means that he loses his toys and doesn't get to go anywhere.
2006-09-01 15:06:27 · answer #11 · answered by TXChristDem 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋