Just recently I got out of a relationship. I am not in love with my ex but feel that I need some time to figure out how I contributed to what went wrong and get to know myself. I told this guy I really wanted to be with that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I told him why. Now he doesn't call and I understand why but I feel like I lost a good friend and someone I liked to be with. I know I shouldn't even be friends right now because I am so confused and don't want him to be my knight in shining armor or my counselor. How do I stop feeling so bad and stop wanting a relationship with him when I know I am not ready?
2006-09-01 13:30:43 · 9 answers · asked by j t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What you did was right, you aren't ready for a commitment, and it wouldn't be fair to him and you, to stay together.
You are feeling the loss of something that was special to you and it's not easy, going from one form of relationship to another, ie the friend bit.
So what you have to do, is some soul searching and see what you truly want in your life.
Once you have discovered that, then you are ready, to have a solid relationship.
You could try to reconnect with him, but as he hasn't called you, it's obvious, that you hurt him badly. He may or may not come back to you, as he may have moved on with his life.
That's only something that time will tell.
But as you are now, you aren't any good to anyone, in your present confused state.
2006-09-01 13:40:47 · answer #1 · answered by johnb693 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he saw how much baggage you had and wanted nothing to do with you. Maybe you appeared to be clingy and needy to him. You just feeling a void and you think that someone could fill that for you. Guess what....they can't. First, you have to drop off the baggage. It is like poop in your pocket, which smells and makes people want to avoid you. Forgive your ex for not being the right guy for you. Forgive yourself for not being right for him. Thank him for teaching you more about yourself. Quit expecting others to be responsible for your own feelings. This guy probably wanted to be someone's savior, which you indicated you didn't need. Shot him right down. That's ok though, when you are back on your feet and independent, he would have either lost interest or resented you for not needing him, anyway. Those guys are attracted to girls in bad relationships, or recenlty single gilrs. You can do better. Keep yourself busy and make it hard for people to find you. Master a skill or talent, and teach it to someone else. Learn something new. This will build you up and consume your focus. This is how you fill that void you feel. It is also a way to put yourself into social settings with others who share similar interests. When you achieve your peace with yourself, others will be more attracted to you for you, and when you know how a guy feels about you (as certain as you know what your name is) then you'll know he is being sincere.
Improve your life and make it better than when your ex was in it.
2006-09-01 20:49:23 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it. Tell him that just because you didn't want to be in a "relationship" relationship, doesnt mean you cant still be friends. Hell, if he really likes you, he'll put up with 2 years of "just friends" until you're ready. In my opinion, you're getting both time to get ready or figure out if he's really the guy you like, as well as testing him for how committed he'll be to you.
2006-09-01 20:39:00 · answer #3 · answered by PuttheKinKickass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nobody can really help you, only yourself. u haveto find out wht u need at this moment... afriend... a friend helps, a friend lissens to u. u cant pick friends... maybe thats one of your problms. secondly, DONT think on what ifs,they are the inner destruction of yourself. itll pass, youll live, its really not as bed as u tink. if e doesnt call it might mean , that he wahs inerested, not caring. before my bf i ws confued on many things, and hated them, he game me time. we where friends.... until I ws ready for a relationship. ive known him 4 4 yrs and been with him 4 2 1/2.
2006-09-01 20:42:17 · answer #4 · answered by Nytsuki 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u feel bad because u think u done the right thing and now he is gone!! If it was meant to be he will be back!! But i must tell you if you wait to long for what your not sure of in life you will never see happiness!! Life is a gamble we all must take chances!!
2006-09-01 20:38:22 · answer #5 · answered by one_redneckmom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you just call him, tell him you would like to see him but you will need to take it slow, he knows the situation so if he is willing why not. You could be missing out on something great or it could turn out to be nothing , if you take the chance at least you will know.
2006-09-01 20:46:58 · answer #6 · answered by Dia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF YOU TOLD HIM HOW YOU FEEL AND NOW HE'S NOT TALKING TO YOU. THATS NOT RIGHT. IF HE REALL Y CARED ABOUT YOU HE WOULD UNDERSTAND AND GIVE YOU YOUR SPACE. DON'T FEEL BAD. WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS RIGHT. AFTER A BREAKUP LIKE THAT YOU REALLY DO NEED YOUR SPACE. YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF AGAIN. WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS RIGHT. TAKE THE TIME YOU NEED TO BE BY YOURSELF AND IF YOU REALLY CARES ABOUT YOU HE WILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE READY FOR HIM
2006-09-01 20:36:46 · answer #7 · answered by FRECKLES 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i guess u wanna think dat ur ex is not da one for u but ur heart iz sayin a different story...wat u need is to listen to ur heart...it is good u found another guy but i think u re beta off wit ur ex...it will be beta u re wit him than u bein wit da other guy and still thinkin of ur ex...maybe u shud give it a deep thought and then u will realize u had da good thing goin 4 u...n.e wayz good luck wit ur realationship...i wish u da best of luckz...
2006-09-01 20:41:41 · answer #8 · answered by Loveheart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you lost me at "I think what I did was right"
2006-09-01 20:34:16 · answer #9 · answered by JJohn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋