Im 19 hes 24 i love him very much, it will be our 1 yr anniversary soon.
We talked about maraige, i was preg. but had a miscairage.
But he seriously has like 6 shoe boxes filled with basketball cards, and he still buys them , at least 3 a week that cost on average $6-$40
He still lives at home , hes the only child and his mom n dad are awsome. He still goes to punk/ rock concerts all day at least twice a month.
And he claimes he wants to get married get a better job and start a family.
Im more ready for all this then him. To me his habits as i listed seem very childish somthing teenager boys in HS do.
Is this what average men do at that age? he will be 25 in Dec.
He curses alot, i cant stand it. Its just very immature to me.
Dont get me wrong hes a nice guy treats me nice , has a good job. Just The things i listed i cant stand
2006-09-01 13:19:52 · 14 answers · asked by lovesugarkisses 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
lol i agree i , he even knows hes a dork for collecting basketball cards. says they will be worth thousand in yrs
2006-09-01 13:23:13 · update #1
So, regarding the basketball cards and concerts I have to say I believe you're off-base. Basketball cards may be slightly immature, but they are really pretty harmless as a hobby or even a collectible mania goes; they don't take up much space, they have potential for financial growth, they don't require maintenance, registration or insurance. For comparison, I have a small group of old sports cars which I love dearly but which are always in need of SOMETHING expensive, or at least something that ends up with me taking too many Advil and with scratches and grease stains all over my hands. So keeping a couple shoeboxes full of cards isn't that bad. It could be worse -- he could raise prizewinning pigs. :-)
As for concerts -- while I might or might not agree with his taste in performers, I love live performances. I try to get to a live musical performance two or three times a year, and we have season tickets to Portland Center Stage, meaning that from October through March we're out at least once a month. We just got back from a trip to Ashland, Oregon for a live performance, and took two of our kids with us. And while I'd be among the first of the hoity-toity intellectual snobs to argue that seeing "The Importance of Being Earnest" was a more worthwhile use of one's performance dollar than seeing Megadeth or the Goo Goo Dolls, hey -- it's not my money he's spending, and if he enjoys his concerts as much as I enjoy my stage plays, more power to him.
I'm conflicted about the 24-and-living-at-home thing. On the one hand, it sounds pretty darn suspicious. And then I remember that I didn't move out till I was 23, and I did the whole tamale all at once -- got a job, moved 2000+ miles from home, and got married, all in just over 90 days.
That was in 1979. (I'll save you the math; I'm 50, and we've been married for 27 years.) I was immature, scared of responsibility, unequipped for life on my own, and just about as hopeless and pathetic a dork as a legal adult could be when I started looking for my first apartment in a city I'd lived in for a week.
I made a few mistakes along that road -- as my nine-year-old son, after I gave him some Fatherly Wisdom recalling my own experiences with the bad effects of something he was contemplating, commented to me, "Wow, Dad, you sure learned a lot of things the hard way." But it's been OUR road, my wife's and mine; we built it, turn by turn, and for that alone it's been very rewarding.
One piece of advice, and this is from a purely practical side -- the most workable order is for him to get a better job, then get married to you, then move out, and then consider having a baby. In that order. I'm not going to go all moralistic or religious on you (and if I did, I'd invoke the name of Kwannon, the Bodhisattva of Compassion, in your behalf) -- I'm talking purely from the standpoint of what's the least stressful and the most efficient.
He should get that better job first -- more income means better housing when the time comes.
You should get married next -- there are legal advantages to that "piece of paper," and, well, it's nice -- you'll see. (Consider the possibility that language manipulates reality by altering who we think of ourselves as being.)
You should then get a place of your own -- with a better job and a marriage certificate, you guys will be able to afford a much nicer place than if you're just roommates in the eyes of the landlord/lender.
Only after that, with shared property and a few years of experience and responsibility between you, and with the knowledge that you can count on each other through the bad stuff that comes up, only after THAT should you try on babies for size. I love all my kids, and if I'd known how much fun they were going to be I would have started sooner -- but at the same time, I was SO immature and uneven throughout my 20s that I am POSITIVE that my kids are better people because I waited to have them.
As for his immaturity? He'll grow out of it. Just be there to help him have the courage to take some responsibility for himself (and in the meantime, you could do worse than to invoke the Bhodisattva of Compassion -- which is not quite the same as forgiveness, but certainly in the same family anyway).
And the one final piece of Daddy Magic I will pass on to you: You know the scene in Spiderman where Uncle Whatsisname tells Peter Parker, "With great power comes great responsibility," right? Well, that's fine if you've been bitten by a mutant radioactive spider, but for us ordinary mortals he's got it backwards --
With responsibility comes power. In that order, and in direct proportion. The more he's willing to be responsible for, the more he can help you shape your lives, your partnership, and your future.
Let him know that from me, and remind him that my son is impressed at how many things I've learned the hard way...
2006-09-01 14:34:58 · answer #1 · answered by Scott F 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there a few things you want to change about him. Well it comes down to this....you can try but you really can't change a person and if you love them you will ignore their flaws.
The basketball cards are probably the only really ridiculous thing I hear here. Just because hes spending up to $40 a week on it. I think at that age he has much better things he could put the money towards.
As for concerts......he should never stop going and you should start!! Life is too short to not go out and have fun....music is always good.
Guys tend to mature A LOT slower than girls so I wouldn't say hes too far behind. Sometimes only children tend to be a little bit spoiled and just need a little bit of reality to snap them out of it. You should talk to his parents about not letting him live in the house anymore. Maybe if he had bills to pay the money wouldn't go to basketball cards.
2006-09-01 13:26:28 · answer #2 · answered by scarletbegonias9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing wrong with collecting basketball cards, If he does invest in the right ones they could be worth quite a bit a few years from now..
Men.. All men do something that is childish to us women no matter how old they are!
2 times a month for a concert is not bad, he is only 24 not 80..
Does he work? If so now would be the perfect time to save up money for when he does move out! He has a sweet set up there, but in a year or 2 he will be pushing it, and will be known as a loser for living at home with his parents! Right now tho he would be smart to save up some money!
Only you know your heart, and know if you are happy with him.. Just remember not everyone or every relationship is perfect :D
2006-09-01 13:29:22 · answer #3 · answered by Kamaree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Collecting basketball cards isn't that big deal.
But a guy who is going on 25, lives with his parents, and goes to punk rock concerts, sounds to me like a loser. Just how "good" is his job? I would wait until this guy gets a better job before you take his promises seriously. And if you don't see that happening by, say, his 25th birthday, move on. He'll never grow up,
2006-09-01 14:32:49 · answer #4 · answered by Serginho 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I live in Hawaii so the thinking might be a little different. Here, people think that it is smart that you are still living with your parents as long as your not a total bum. The prices here are high so lot of kids don't move out. But for me, I don't think that it is unattractive because you want to be independent you just aren't ready to move out due to money and your schooling, Some girls might think that it's weird but just don't bring them home and you should do fine. =D
2016-03-27 03:47:41 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i havent heard of many 24 year old doing this but, if it doesnt bother you then sure. But since you mentioned this it must bother you a bit. In that case you need to talk to him or figure out if he's the right guy for you.
2006-09-01 13:24:28 · answer #6 · answered by Head Banger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could on to something here sounds normal but the big question is can he do anything without the help of mommy
2006-09-01 13:26:55 · answer #7 · answered by canuticklemepink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't stand those things now, how are you going to stand them after marriage. You had better think long and hard on this issue. I can't think he will change completely after marriage.
2006-09-01 13:27:38 · answer #8 · answered by old_woman_84 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's fine, completely. you just have to face the fact you are in love with Mr. Dork
2006-09-01 13:22:14 · answer #9 · answered by JJohn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who wants to be normal?
2006-09-01 13:21:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋