Know any good jokes?

Question

Any joke is fine as long as it is funny to you or others.Please send as many jokes as you can.

Answer 1

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 2

A duck walked into a pharmacy, and waddled back to the counter. The pharmacist asked him, "Can I help you, duck?"

The duck asks, "Got any grapes?"

The pharmacists chuckles and says, "No, I'm sorry, we're a pharmacy, not a grocery store, we don't have any grapes."

The next day, the same duck walks into the same pharmacy and waddles back to the counter. The pharmacist looks down and asks more tersely, "Yes, duck, what can I do for you?"

The duck asks, "Got any grapes?"

The pharmacist sighs, and as if he's speaking to a very stupid person says, "No, like I told you yesterday, we're a pharmacy. We sell drugs, hair products, make-up, stuff like that. I'm very busy, so please don't come back unless you want to buy something we sell."

The next day, the same duck walks into the same pharmacy and waddles back to the counter. The pharmacist looks down and angrily asks, "What do you want, duck?"

The duck asks, "Got any grapes?"

The pharmacist looses it! He rages at the duck, "YOU STUPID (&*#$*$ DUCK! I TOLD YOU, THIS IS A PHARMACY, WE DON'T HAVE ANY ((#$*@#$ GRAPES! IF YOU COME IN HERE AGAIN I'M GOING TO NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!!! NOW GET OUT!!!!!"

The next day, the same duck walks into the same pharmacy and waddles back to the counter. The pharmacist can't believe the duck is back, and asks, "What the *#$& do you want, duck?"

The duck asks, "Got any nails?"

The pharmacist is ready to have a coronary. "NO, you stupid duck, I don't have any nails. This is not a hardware store, it's a FREAKING PHARMACY!!!"

Then the duck asks, "Got any grapes?"

Answer 3

That is too long to be a joke!

Answer 4

What do women and condoms have in common?

They spend more time in your wallet and less time on your d i c k ♥

Answer 5

Do you know what rabbits have when they make love?
~~~~~~~Cotton Balls:)~~~~~
Have a grateful night:)

Answer 6

I found these a few days ago, love them, hope you like it!
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An old guy was driving with his wife when he got pulled over by a female cop. The cop came to his window and said,” Sir, did you know you were speeding?" The guy was hard of hearing so he turned to his wife and asked, "What did she say?" The wife said, "SHE SAID YOU WERE SPEEDING." The cop said, "License please." The guy looked at his wife and asked, "What'd she say?" The wife said,” LICENSE, SHE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE." The guy gave the cop his license. The cop looked at the license and said, "OH, I see you're from Georgia. I used to date a guy from Georgia. He was ok to be with, but he was lousy in bed." The guy turned to his wife again and asked, "What'd she say?" The wife said, "SHE SAYS THAT SHE THINKS SHE KNOWS YOU."
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This one is too good!

The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle in 1st Class and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super!!" On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well dressed, rather exotic looking middle eastern woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground. "She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bytch!"

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There was a bunch of spermies just chillin, hanging out. They start picking on one of them because he's so slow. "yeah, you're so slow the post office won't hire you!". The dude gets pissed, so he buys himself a motocycle. Well, after a few days, the spermies start getting all wryled up because the human was having sex. The are all gettin excited and are ready to launch. The slow spermie, relaxed, put on his boots. Then he puts on his gloves. And finally, he puts on his helmet. BLAST OFF! all the spermies take off. He's gets on his bike, turns it on.. VROOM VROOM. and takes off like hell. He goes flying by his buddis and they all cheer him on. He give them a thumbs up as he hauls @ss. "Go! Go!" they cheer. after a short while, those same buddies are hanging out, talking smack like always. Here comes the spermie on the bike, only his helmet is cracked, his arm i bandaged, he's limping, with a tire over his good arm. He's all messed up, and his friends asked him "what happened?"
..."the bastard was wearing a condom"

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This one is hilariouse!

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.“No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word.” She tells him, “Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.”Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and screams, “OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I’LL DO THE FUKN DISHES”

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The Loyal Husband
Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"

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This one you will love!

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd better buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis." "So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch." After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind- shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me!" The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ***."
And the rest is history

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There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take mymoney to the afterlife with me. And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when hedied, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the
casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest loyal wife, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?" I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend It."
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