I've been with my guy for 4 years and 7 months, is it ok for me to start hinting for at least a ring? We were best friends since the age of 9! Then I woke up one day with him on my mind, but having different feelings! I realized I LOVE HIM!!! He was in love way before I felt it, but now what? Shud I push for a ring, he doesn't talk about it! Or shud I give him an ultimatum!???
2006-09-01 10:53:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No dont give an ultimatum...talk to him about it! Tell him you want to spend your life with him. Tell him you can't imagine a day without him but dont give him the ultimatum. I did it and I lost him. worst mistake of my life. When it came down to it..he wanted to marry me but he had to go at his own pace. It would have happened. But men don't like being pushed into a corner.
2006-09-01 10:58:32 · answer #1 · answered by Debra J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not give him an ultimatum...he'll run the other way! If you give him an ultimatum you're making him do something he doesn't want to, or isn't ready for yet. Have you guys talked about marriage at all? how old are you guys? I would suggest sitting down with him and finding out where both of you are and where you see the relationship going. Be open about it and let him know you would like to see things progress more seriously, marriage and a family. It all depends on your age, if you're just 21 i would say wait a while, but if you are older like 25 or so, then I would say he should have already asked you. You guys have been together long enough for him to know if he wants to marry you or not. How long is it gonna take him to figure it out? maybe he thinks you aren't ready for it so that's why he hasn't brought it up. You know him better than anyone, so approach him with the conversation when you know he'll be receptive to talk to you about it. If he's in a pissed off mood you know that he'll be mostlikely to shut you down and not give you all of his attention. Good luck!
2006-09-01 10:58:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha.. if you really love him (and he really loves you as well), an ultimatum is not necessary.
As far as waiting long enough for the BIG question, it depends on how old you are. I am 20 and have been with my b/f for 3.5 years, and we plan on waiting until we're out of school before we get married (at least another 2 years). I have heard of couples in their 30s getting married after only a year or two, and I have also heard of couples (no matter what age) being together for at least 8 years before they even got engaged.
I was hinting at my b/f for a ring after about 2 years, but I could take one or leave one because it really isn't about the ring, its about the relationship. I did get one for our 3-year anniversary though - not an engagement ring, just one that we call a "promise ring", but that is because we are young.
If both of you think you are ready for marriage, then perhaps you can skip the middle ground and just get the engagement ring - it all depends on your relationship and where you both envision the relationship going. Of course, it also depends on finances and what kind of ring you would like to have as well.
In any case, at least talk to him about a ring - has he bought you ANY kind of jewelry before? Because if he has not, it might be easier on him to buy you a necklace or some other form of jewelry first. Since for some reason all guys have some form of a fear of commitment, buying a ring is VERY scary for them, so you kind of need to warm him up to the idea of a ring (just as a simple piece of jewelry) first, and then get more detailed as to what you believe the significance of the ring should be (promise, engagement, etc).
Good luck!
PS - I also have a friend who was planning on her and her b/f getting rings for each other for their first anniversary, so it all depends on the relationship - ANY time could be a good time to hint and/or ask for a ring.
2006-09-01 11:12:41 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
9?? Wow, well you guys should discuss it first, no hints that only brings trouble. Tell him how you feel you all relationship has been, how much you care for him, and where you see the relationship going. Ask him what he wants out of you all relationship and where does he see his life going in the next couple of years. But I say yes, although it is never a time when you can say when two people are ready for marriage, I do believe you all have been together this long as friends and partners, it's coming around the time where you all should legally take each other.
2006-09-01 10:59:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No reason to be so harsh and give him an ultimatum. If you two have never spoke on the subject what makes you think he would even know that's what you want. Try asking him if marriage is in the cards for you both?
2006-09-01 11:18:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think women should push marriage. When a man is ready he will let you know. I have been with my boyfriend six years and we are getting married next month.
2006-09-01 10:56:54 · answer #6 · answered by Unknown_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask him if he has any intentions of marrying you? If not let it be. I have been in my relationship 6 yrs and I haven't got a ring just yet. Let nature takes it course
2006-09-01 10:58:25 · answer #7 · answered by seaspirit_99 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let him know that you are interested in marrying him, then with his answer you will know if he wants to do the same.Communication is the key to any relationship, if you do not have that now, there is no future for marriage
2006-09-01 11:04:54 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Twissta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 4 yrs is plenty of time for him to know whether or not he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. I would casually talk to him about it.
2006-09-01 10:58:10 · answer #9 · answered by rebecca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are complacent creatures. Beer and sex and they will set there forever. You may have to motivate him with those four words men hate to hear, "We have to talk". Then tell him you are considering moving on since he doesn't feel you are important enough to him to marry.
2006-09-01 10:57:59 · answer #10 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋