Do modern parents still spank? if so, at what age is it too old to spank!?

Question

For me it was until 14 but I was occasionally "threatened" with them until 16. How embarrassed I was at 12,13,14 when my older brother and sister would tell the neighborhood girls and girls at school that I still got spanked!

I mid 30s now...is it really true people don't spank much any more?....that must be an interesting way to get raised....no concept of limits, authority or anything.

Answer 1

I always say a crack on the butt never killed no one, and sometimes that is just what a kid needs for you to get their attention.

When my son was born I was so afraid of spoiling him, so when he would cry I would panic, do I pick him up? If I do, will he learn that is all it takes to get me to bend? I saw my friend go through this, and believe me a kid can train a parent and they can do it as soon as 2 months old.

My mother always said when you get frustrated, walk away...a baby never died of crying.

However, now that he is 2...I have found that the crack on the butt joined with the time out work effectively. I have spanked him a few times now all I have to do is ask him if he needs a spankin....he changes his attitude real quick. However, he is very strong willed, and extremely intelligent (he can really work on your weaknesses...he can smell fear) so I do what I have to. I do not spank in public, when I mean business...we leave, and sometimes that includes me dragging his limp body out the door (I call him the "peaceful protestor" when he goes limp in defiance).

Yesterday all I said was NO. He threw himself on the floor infront of my housekeeper, as if I had just beaten the life out of him...she laughed...then I laughed, because no one had touched him. He realized defeat and walked away.

My house, my rules, I love my son, but I will not be the mother of a spoiled brat or an overagressive child I am afraid of. He is learning limits. I just choose to do it in a way he can comprehend.

Now we are in the negotiations stage.... he's got a future with the U.N.


i love some of these non-spanking answers...they must not have kids :)

Posey...Amen sister!!!

Answer 2

well, i haven't had to spank my son who will be 16 since he was around 11. before that, i hardly ever had to bother.

now, my younger son who is 12 just was spanked week before last. I believe at some point corporal punishment has to happen...how you do it is another story.

if your angry, don't spank. if your level headed go right ahead.

this shows two things....
if your angry, the spanking will come off as abuse
if you calmy discuss the issue and then reprimand your child, the violence is not there.

i'd rather give the belt everynow and then when called for (fighting in school, not behaving) than see my son go to jail.

Now, for your concept of limits and authority, yes, you can raise a child without corporal punishment.....but the ones i've seen raised this way were usually spoiled brats and learn to push limits. Parents often buy their kids things just to behave, but It really doesn't work. The kids who I grew up with had a rough go of life when they finally got out on their own because life simply isn't always about "getting what you want, no matter what you do to get it".

I won't have spoiled brats in my house! The most part? My kids are good normal kids! I wouldn't want them to be perfect either!

*for the poster above me....don't put too much trust in those kids...they are kids afterall. Not one child I've ever known has always been trustworthy. Also, there is a difference between "hitting" and spanking. The first one is abusive and uncontrolled by anger and the second one is "spanking" which is dealt with calmy and only after discussion.

Answer 3

A child shouldn't need to be spanked after 7 or 8 years of age. And even that should be rare. I can count on one hand how many times I've spanked my children. And that was just a slap on the butt for a real bad attitude and not listening when I said ENOUGH or STOP!!!

Warnings are good, time-outs on occasion or taking things away briefly until the attitudes change. But as we all know, an apology at the end of the situation would be great... but shouldn't be absolutely necessary.

Answer 4

I never spanked my children, but that didn't mean there was no discipline. You have the two things confused. There are always consequences to our actions, and children need to learn that. But hitting a child is only teaching them that if you get angry, you get to hit the person that made you angry. Not the lesson that I wanted to teach.
My kids absolutely dreaded the "MOM talk". If it was really serious, we'd get into the car and I would drive and talk, captive audience. I actually had one of my sons ask for a spanking, because he said it would be easier than the lecture that he knew was coming.
I'm a strict parent, but in my mind, with the way the world is, and as permissive as some parents are, I needed to be. I have one son that is now 26, has a masters degree in microbiology, is married and teaches at the college level. My other son is a college student double majoring in business management and culinary arts. Neither has been in trouble, on drugs, or been arrested. Both are active and smart and trustworthy. They didn't need to be hit.


Excuse me "giggling willow", but my kids are adults now. Evidently you didn't read the whole answer or you don't understand what you read. Why would you say such a thing? You have no idea what my boys are like, and you have no idea what I am like. Why is it that as soon as I say that I never beat my children, it is assumed that they are spoiled brats, that I have bought them everything they ever asked for to shut them up (that certainly never happened), or that they are untrustworthy. I chose to break a cycle of abuse, I have not attacked your children or told you how to parent. My choices are exactly that, my choices. Perhaps there is some jealousy, that both turned out to be honor students, karate-ka, have traveled Europe with Team USA, are trusted both in their personal lives, their educational lives, and their professional lives. I have done an excellent job of parenting. You owe me an apology. And I certainly hope that you are teaching your children basic common courtesy. You didn't show it here.

Oh, yes, by the way, hitting with a weapon (a belt) does constitute child abuse. Striking a child with a belt is the equivalent of aggravated assault, and is punishable with jail time. I worked for many years in the public school system, and was obligated by law to report suspected child abuse. I also had to learn the laws as I hold the rank of nikyu, brown belt. You have to know what is legal and what is not, what is assault and what is self defense.

Answer 5

I'm old school, I believe that sometimes a good spanking can make the most impact on a kid, but I know that there are alot of people who think we are horrible for spanking our kids. To each his own. But I really don't spank my 10 year old anymore, I threaten it cause I know it embarrasses him to think about being spanked, and that is usually enough to do the trick.

I don't know about other schools around the country, but my kids school still gives spankings, so my view is if schools don't think it is abuse, then why do some parents call it that?

Answer 6

I have spanked(one smack on the bottom) my children in the past, but haven't had reason to since my oldest was 9 and my youngest was 7. I never really had to, as I always gave my kids a chance to adjust their behaviour by counting to five, if I get to five, I have to follow through with the punishment. My kids are now 12 and 9, and pretty well behaved, and haven't thrown tantrums, and they help around the house and they are doing well at school.

Answer 7

Well, I agree, I am 25 and got spanked as well. I cant really remember when it stopped. . . I think I was just getting in trouble more so for my mouth not things I was doing. So I never got slapped on the mouth or i the face.

Now I am a mother of a 4 year old daughter and YES I spank her too!!!

Answer 8

I am 53 and I disciplined my children with a spanking, if it was needed. Today's parents, I feel, do not believe in spanking because they want to be "friends" with their kids. I am sorry to inform you that you should not be "friends" with your kids. You are their parents, act like it. My youngest is now 29 and my oldest is 34 and we are "friends" I also think that my wife and I raised very good and responsible kids. I am a firm believer in spanking, not abuse, but spanking.

Answer 9

Some do, some don't. But there are strong feelings about it either way. Contrary to what the girl above me said, it is not illegal to spank in the US. Me and most of my friends stopped getting spanked at around 8 or 9. My husband got spanked until he was 14.

Most parents don't spank. You can always tell... their kids are the ones running amok in restaurants or yelling "I HATE YOU!!" at the top of their lungs in the store while the mom or dad sits back and says, "I refuse to strike my child or say anything that could damage his self-esteem."

Answer 10

I got spanked till like the age of 9 or so but spanking till 14 holy krap ummmm thats a little to far out there. I know when I have a kid I'll spank it when its wrong it teaches kids to be good and they pretty much learn not to do that again well at least thats what I got out of it.