My step-daughter is 9, she is in the 4th grade and has been bullying other kids at school!! What are some good ideas to get her to stop being a bully and be considerate of other people's feelings???
**my sd is a very difficult child...she is very book smart, but not so much with common sense.**
**She has alot of anger management problems and disciplining her is very difficult.**
**Nothing seems to get threw to her....
We Have Tried-----
1 Talking to her
2 Time out
3 Corner time
4 Grounding
5 Writing lines
6 Taking her privalages away
7 Taking her belongings away
8 Spanking (last resort)
................NONE OF THIS STUFF WORKS!!!
**Any mom's out there have any good ideas on how to help???***
2006-09-01 10:22:19 · 19 answers · asked by itsjustme 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
my sd has lived with us for over 3 years...her bio-mom just gave up on her and hasn't been involved since.
My sd also gets bullyed alot herself...she doesnt have alot of friends.
She has also been seeing a therapist for almost 6 months now....they suspect she has a personality disorder. Caused by hee bio-mom's treatment when she was younger.
2006-09-01 10:31:15 · update #1
yeah when you take things away don't give it back to her....and when you tell her there will be a consequence make sure to follow through.... if you are and still having this problem take her to her pediatrician or a psychologistas she may be bi-polar or ADHD as these cause very high aniexty, impulsiveness, hitting, outbursts, inability to concentrate among others.... a good website to go to is www.notmykid.org... click on parent help at top and then take YES survey..... you will be amazed by the answers you get.....
in the same boat....my son has ADHD,tourettes syndrome, personality disorder and disassociative disorder.... unfortunately the hardest part is yet to come... I can tell you from experience... when she hits puberty and through her teen years.... be ready to be told its just a phase, she needs serious help, what kind of parent are you, why isnt she getting the help she needs, give her up to the state so she can get the help she needs, and my personal favorite: we don't handle that here's another number to call......
First start with the doctor and get her diagnosis. Then take to school and request 504 plan staffing (parents, teachers,principal,guidance all required to attend) Then tell them you want her tested by the school psychologist.... they will tell you they dont have one or say the dont have to. This is bull tell them she is entitled under the American with Disabilities ACt #242 or 240 ( not sure of number) but entitled and you want her tested... make sure to say this at the 504 staffing... then WHEN they do not go by the 504 plan or its not working request an (EP staffing.... also contact children's board in your area or federation of families.com they can assist also and they are a support group...
2006-09-01 10:33:14 · answer #1 · answered by lisa n florida 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've already posted this in a couple other thread, so I hope I'm not sounding repetitive but I really love the book How to Raise an Emotionally Healthy Child by John Gottman.
If the therapist is focusing on the preceived "problem" consider finding another who will hold your SD as a whole and competent person while helping her work through her emotional issues.
2006-09-02 04:09:18 · answer #2 · answered by MorningG 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe what she needs is for dad, teachers, and you to point out less of what shes doing wrong. Use more praise, compliments, and rewards after periods of time when she is behaving. My nephew got to a point where he would get suspended from school and was light the woods on fire. Nothing seemed to work. But when they started concentrating on the positive rather then the negative, he was like a whole new kid. She may need additional help with the fact her mother left her. She may still feel abandoned and hurt from that. Maybe you can find out if there is a group for kids in her situation, and if there isn't maybe you and her could be the founder of one.
2006-09-01 13:00:05 · answer #3 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bullying usually stems from a low-self-esteem, and from what you have mentioned, it sounds as if that is the case. I'm glad she has been seeing a therapist... perhaps they have some ideas? In the meantime, try to work on boosting her self-esteem. Get her involved in some extracurricular activities that she may be good at (like baseball or soccer) where she can be physically active. Talk in a positive way about her... she is smart, good at reading, good at soccer, etc. Try to keep things as positive as possible. I'm sure she has a lot going on in her head right now... having a mother abandon you would be devastating to your self-esteem and cause great anger. Keep at it... it sounds as if you are a very caring step-mom with the best interests of your step-daughter at heart. Good luck!
2006-09-02 10:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by dolphin mama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that you have taken her priviledges away and her belongings - for how long have you done this? When I use to do this to my kids, they will get one item each time they did something nice (only one item) - - by the time they got everything back it was like a year., but they learned to be nice and feel good about being nice. They were not able to watch tv but for an hour a day or 1/2 an hour, after they did their homework, studied, ate and took a bath., and they would be in bed by 8:30p.m. - - kicking and screaming, but they had to stay in bed --- if they did not go to sleep, fine, but there was nothing in their rooms for them to entertain themselves with - - Another drastic approach would be for the parents to bully her? I left my daughter locked out the house one time for about an hour., and I would laugh, while she cried... (I was watching her out the window - I live in a safe neighborhood) and I would laugh out the window - - she did not find it funny and after the hour I would let her in and ask her if she liked how that felt - - I was HER bully... She did not like the feeling and was more careful on what she did? I would keep really close and speak to the teachers everyday to see how she behaved and/or I would arrange to get a note from all teachers - - so I would always know what was happening... My daughter is now grown and trust you me., she turned out the best and most responsible child.
2006-09-01 10:35:26 · answer #5 · answered by Snowwhite 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all do NOT put her on any "calming drug" from a drug store... I would also avoid any drugs a therapist may suggest, as it's almost ALWAYS an internal issue. I'm sure she feels like she needs someone to talk to and/or understand her. I know you've tried talking to her, but try and RELATE as well. If her bio mom treated her badly for a long time, this will take a while.. With enough love and understanding I'm sure she'll come around. Good luck! :)
2006-09-03 03:15:40 · answer #6 · answered by getting large with baby 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her school psychologist. They can work out a BIP or Behavior Intervention Plan with you. It will identify what is triggering her bullying and work with positive reinforcement. The BIP is really for school, but the school psychologist can give you tips to use at home. It sounds like she has self-esteem problems. Have you tried letting her do a hobby that she's interested in? Ex. karate (known for teaching discipline and self-control) Good luck! I hope this helps!
2006-09-02 15:40:07 · answer #7 · answered by Sandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I feel for you b/c I've had some similar problems with my son whose 10. And we've done all the same punishments etc. What seems to be working somewhat for us is not only punishing the bad behaviour but rewarding the good. I think maybe it's that they feel they aren;t getting enough attention and act up to get it. Good luck b/c I know you need it! Hang in there!
2006-09-01 10:29:32 · answer #8 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take her some place besides school ( new kids always get picked on ) Church or to a park. Let her have space and place with kids of all shapes & color. It has to be hard on a child knowing her mother didnt want her. As hard as it will be and get harder im sure, just keep showing her love, LOVE conquers all.
2006-09-01 13:09:22 · answer #9 · answered by blwatson41 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear that this is going on. well im a parent of 3 of all ages and the thing that works for me is reverse physiology. meaning that if you have a friend of know a person that is taller, bigger and meaner or can just act like they are have them hurt your step daughters feeling so bad that she wont do it to other children.
2006-09-01 10:29:16 · answer #10 · answered by poison 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋