i think the problem is with me?

Question

i have a big problem! i always attract guys who are good at the beginning, but then annoying in the end... the all tend to have the same behaviour patterns... i.e they're only available when it suits them and i like a fool goes along with it! its been six guys with the same behaviour... so i think it must be me that gives off a certain vibe.. for example: my boyfriend doesn't call me for weeks and then out of the blue he'll call like nothiong ever happened and i wouldn't argue or question why he hasn't called!! actually, i always take the b***s, then i would walk away from the relationship without a word! i have never ended any of my relationships... i just stop answering calls, move away and move on.. i just don't like to argue or hurt other people, so i walk. could somebody te;ll me where i'm going wrong? ps: i'm thinking of ending my dead end relationship... he should be calling tonight, but i won't be available.... give me some advice, please (not insults, none of us are perfect)

Answer 1

Many women can probably understand what you are going through.
The problem is not you, it's simply your choices.
Don't worry, though, at least you have come to terms with the fact that you have to change your behavior.
Try to get to the root of the behavior with some therapy. I promise you that your behavior in relationships is related to issues that some sessions can help you to face and then resolve.
Good luck!

Answer 2

open communication is the key. This builds trust.

Genuine friendship is what we all need here too, because this will last a lifetime.

Ask yourself , the next guy you meet, does he really talk to me like i want to be heard or does he only talk when he wants something from me.?


Relationships these days always start with one person needing trust and the other wanting something else.. when both want the same things first, then that is a good starting point to make the relationship last . You must be friends and genuine too. Anything short of a genuine friendship shouldn't be tolerated at all either.

Sounds like you tolerate it so much then you get upset and bored and walk away. You really have to believe that not everyone is like that... many are not either.

Answer 3

you're right- none of us are perfect. however, that doesn't mean that there isn't room for self-improvement.

move on. and in the future, remember, you have to demand better treatment in order to get better treatment. asking a guy why he doesn't call more often is a perfectly reasonable question that you have every right to ask if you are in a serious relationship. the only thing you might hurt is his brain- which he will have to use in order to come up with an alibi for his inattention to you.

no body likes to argue, but if you don't stand your ground, then you are going to keep getting mistreated.

another thing- you need to work on your communication skills. tonight, answer the phone if your bf calls. tell him that you do not appreciate that he hasn't been calling you and tell him that you think it's best that the relationship be terminated. then get ready to practice your arguing skills. don't lose your temper. don't scream into the phone. be very calm and cool. if he starts going ballistic or just says "ok" or hangs up, then he deserves to lose you. if he tries to argue with you- "baby, baby, why you gotta be mean?", then he DEFINITELY does not deserve you. no matter what he says, you are going to break up with him. if you are to learn anything about relationships, then you need to start fresh.

long distance or across town phone relationships are never a good idea.

next time, hook up with someone who you can see on a daily basis- someone who lives nearby or goes to your school. get to know them. practice expressing your feelings and thoughts with this new person.

Answer 4

You don't like confrontation. That's not exactly a bad trait to have!
You're doing fine.
If you're waiting around for these guys to call back, stop that.
You need the thirty minute rule. They need to call or meet with you when they say they will. They've got thirty minutes leeway. They miss the extra grace period, you call them and ask them if they are okay. If they are, you say in the future, I would appreciate it if you respected my time, and called me so that I could make other plans. It's rude to allow another person to wait for you, and worry about you for selfish reasons.
If they don't call you for weeks, and then out of the blue they call, you can ask them what's up without it being an argument.
As a girlfriend you deserve a certain amount of effort on their part.
I think that the reason you end up ditching on these guys, is because you know they don't respect you. I don't see anything wrong with blowing them off, and not returning or taking phonecalls. They sort of set themselves up for that.
I imagine that it would be more mature, if you don't want to be involved with them anymore, to call, and say, that you feel that they are being a little more than a little distant, and that you think it's best to end it, no hard feelings.

Answer 5

Ok first of all you say you don't want to hurt their feelings and yet rather than say "sorry its over" you move away with a second thought or any hint of goodbye, that tells me that actually you are the one who is only interested when it suits you.

But that aside if you find all these people do the same thing then stop going for the same type of guy. Go for someone you wouldnt normally choose and see what happens.

Answer 6

When or how did you give them the impression that you are always available when they need you? And that you don't really HAVE any needs? And you won't complain, take issue, or start an argument. You're every guys dream...and your own nightmare.

Does this in any way resemble your relationship with your father? Was he not available until HE needed YOU? And then, were you suppose to be the perfect daughter, always there when daddy calls? Something to consider.

Answer 7

It happens, I had a tendency for the longest time of doing the same thing. I think my problem stemmed from a bad marriage that I was in. I was afraid of letting people in too close, when they did get too close, I pushed them completely away. Start dating people who are completely opposite of what you had before, that is what I had to do and now I have the best boyfriend I could have ever dreamed for. Don't worry so much about hurting people's feelings, one sided love sucks and if you are not happy with the one you are with, let them know as soon as possible so you do not hurt them worse later on. You have to make yourself happy and not worry so much about staying in a relationship you do not want for fear of someone getting hurt. In the long run, you will only hurt yourself.

Answer 8

Stop being a doormat...why is okay for others to take you for granted, but you don't feel it's okay for you to stand up for yourself? Get some self esteem and learn you are as worthy of consideration and courtesy as anyone else.

The next time a "boyfriend" doesn't stops calling, call him and find out why (if it's been a couple of days longer than the usual span between calls). Don't sit around and wait weeks for someone to decide to get back to you...that's your bad for tolerating that...

Either they want to spend time with you and cultivate a relationship, or they don't...if they don't, then move on...it's that easy...if your decision not to let them walk all over you bugs then, that is THEIR problem...not yours...anyone who would treat you as you described doesn't really care for you anyway, so don't be too worried about ruffling their feathers...

Answer 9

You need to start talking girl! When you just walk away like that, you hurt and confuse the guy SO much more than if you just talked to them.

And if you have a problem with guys treating you like that, tell them! Not nagging or yelling, but just talking. "Hey, do you realize that it upsets me when you don't explain why you haven't called?"

Guys are slow, but they're not all jerks! Just talk to them and chances are they didn't even realize you were upset. Trust me, guys are oblivious and sometimes they need to hear things.

When you don't say anything, they think everything's fine, and then you just suddenly start avoiding them and they're like what the heck just happened?!!! You can't do that! You said you don't like to hurt other people. Well, you are hurting them. MAKE yourself talk to them and you will be glad you did. It will get easier the more you do it.

You've told us all the things you do wrong, so if you know that, don't do it anymore! Communication is a biggie. But be careful and don't make it a yelling match. Just sit down and talk.

Good luck

Answer 10

Maybe your are to easy, well nice that is. Its ok to be hard sweetie. You have to make them want you. It's no way they should call you weeks apart and still feel as if you are still together. You need to leave him alone and find better. He (they) have to much confidence in themselves, feeling they can come and go as they please because you will always take them back. No it's not just you, it's life. We live and we learn, we win some and we lose some. Take your relationships slow enough to get to know the person. They will respect you more. Don't give in to temptation because some are only after one thing. Good luck.