Is my wife being rude to my grandma, she won't let her "serve" her?

Question

My grandma is 75 and has arthritis. She has some trouble getting up from seats and walking.

When we go to family get togethers at her house, she wants to bring everyone their drinks and food like a waitress. She doesn't want people to bother getting stuff for themselves.

She will even be in the middle of eating, stop and get someone a drink. And eat after everyone is done because she spent so much time getting out of her seat.

My wife won't let her do this all of the time.

If my grandma is already sitting, my wife will get up and get whatever she needs. She just politely excuses herself so my grandma doesn't have to feel left out.

My wife says something like this to my grandma, "Thanks for the offer, but you enjoy your food, you work so hard on it! I can go grab what I need and be back in a second!"

After a few years my grandma is cool with it, but my aunt seems to think its rude.

Is it?

Answer 1

Your wife is a darling to care about your grandma. Your aunt doesn't think it's rude...she knows she should be worried about her mother, and she isn't.

You need to tell your wife what a kind and thoughtful person she is.

Answer 2

It is not rude, because your wife is a family member rather than a guest. It would be rude if your wife asked your grandmother to wait on her. Your aunt may have a problem with thinking of your wife as a family member, or she may be concerned that it is making your grandmother feel helpless. Your grandmother has a self-esteem need like all people do. She may fear getting too old to be useful. Your wife can contribute to her self-esteem by making a big deal about how wonderful the meal was etc. Maybe, your aunt and others could volunteer to clean up in order to express appreciation for the meal.

Answer 3

No, your wife must care alot for your grandma, She understands that in your grandma's day that's what was expected of her. I bet your grandma really loves your wife because she is trying to be considerate the family only thinks she,s being rude because they don't understand the relationship your wife and grandmother share. If your grandma was offended it would be different but it doesn't sound like she is.We all have different relationships with different people. And it sounds like they have a good one. Tell your aunt that when your grandma says something about it then maybe there's a problem, till then please stay out of it.

Answer 4

That a big NO ITS NOT RUDE. I would do the same exact thing that your wife is doing. Because i assume your wife is much younger than you grandma and i bet she feels...that your grandma has done enough and doesn't want to disturb her when she is eating and especially if she has arthritis and has trouble walking and getting up off her seat...why make her get something for her when she could do it herself and in a respectful manner.

Answer 5

I think it's great that your wife is trying to give your grandma a break and also not hurt her feelings by making it seem like she has to get up anyway. Your aunt is wrong. Your grandma isn't going to get any stronger by working her body more.

At work we had a co worker in a wheelchair - we would pass her office and ask if she needed copies or supplies because we were "already going there". It helps the person and lets them maintian their dignity. Nothing wrong with that.

Answer 6

Your Grandma sounds like a woman that has always been polite to people. I think she feels wanted by serving others. Your wife sounds like she feels that she should be serving your Grandma. I don't think your wife is wrong in respecting your Grandma. Every once in awhile it is good to remind your Grandma that she should be the one waited on due to the respect that others wish to convey by doing this, and that it is an honor for them.

Answer 7

I do not consider it rude, in any way. But the real question is--does your grandmother?? Ask her. Be polite about it and at the same time maybe explain why your wife does this. I can't think over a period of time (as it seems to be) that your grandmother would be insulted. Inwardly, I think she would think very kindly and appreciatively toward your wife. (I am a very independent person and don't like asking people to do things for me but I am very happy when someone does do things for me--and try to tell them so.)

Answer 8

Are you for real? This is a joke right?

You surely are not letting a 75 year old with arthritis wait hand and foot on you all. Shame on you. Yes you should let her keep her independence, but not use her as an slave. I really hope this is a joke, because I would slap anyone I saw treating my grandma like this. As for your Aunt...

Answer 9

What does Grandma think?
I think your Aunt should butt out, and let Grandma pick her battles!
Your wife likely feels awkward, having anyone serve her. I would be totally uncomfortable allowing someone else to take on such a subservient role. I think your wife handled it beautifully.
Grandmas are to be honored, revered even.
I think it'd be rude to insist that Grandma leave her hot food to refresh my iced tea!
Go wife!

Answer 10

It's not rude at all. I actually see myself in your wife because that's exactly what I would do. No disrespect. She is older and people need to be waiting on her instead of her waiting on them. I'm sure she dont mind but for god's sake, give her a rest. Stop by and take her a small token or gift even a card to show how much she is appreciated for catering to everyone.

Answer 11

Shame on your family!! My grandma used to do everything for us and now she can't. Your wife is the only polite and nice person in the bunch. You need to tell your family they need to spoil and take care of grandma, because she's earned the respect and love it takes to have someone help her out. Make sure grandma knows you appreciate everything she ever did for you and that it is now your turn to help her out. Your wife sounds like a really nice caring lady, and you should thank your lucky stars you have her!!!