We are not married and we do not live together, (as I will not move in with him without him marrying me first) I personaly think the surname is something earned with marriage and commitment to being a family not donating sperm and wimping out of a planned wedding.
2006-09-01 09:21:08 · 47 answers · asked by oceanwaves 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
He's obviously a loser. Don't even consider marrying him 'for the sake of the baby'!
You obviously have some morals, so find someone who's willing to take over where he refuses to.
2006-09-01 09:55:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
just a handy piece of advice if your in the uk...even if you give the child his surname once you are married you should have the child registered again at the registry office otherwise your children born out of marriage have less rights that a child born within the marriage. therefore it's plausible that at this time you could choose to change the surname? i would double check when you do register the child. otherwise if you do plan to marry in the future your then husband may have to adopt his own child so you all have the same surname.
from your question it sounds as though your man is trying to squirm away from a previous commitment so what about a double barrelled surname just in case?
2006-09-01 09:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by Kirsty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to have a good chat. Commitment is having a child with you and maybe you should think about the best way to bring the child up together.
Marriage is ideal but not essential, love and security mean so much more than a surname
2006-09-01 19:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by churchls0904 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would use your name and not his, just make sure his name is on the birth certificate. You fill it in and he doesn't even need to sign it. At least in the state of California it works that way.
Make sure you get him for child support. As soon as the baby is born apply for it and get it started. Sometimes it takes a while to come into affect. What a jerk to back out on a wedding. Better to find out the kind of person he is now rather than later. Your better off without someone like him. You stay tough and hang in there. My mom raised 4 kids being a single parent. And she did a great job and so will you.
2006-09-01 09:37:10 · answer #4 · answered by Tired-Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call local attorneys in your state and go see the ones who offer free consultations - you'll get a lot of information for free and you do not need to hire them... but you can if you need to, just tell them if you don't have much money, most will be willing to work something out.
Every state differs in their laws.
Three things to consider:
1) Is this man someone that could harm my baby (mentally, physically) in the future? If so, be careful about putting his surname because although he might disappear today, tomorrow he might decide he wants a relationship with "his" child and can take YOU to court for custody rights!
2) If he is a decent person and HAS a decent job or career, it might be worth it to have him pay you child support...
3) Ultimately, in California at least, surname or no surname, people can really screw each other over with a paternity test. Then the entire problem(s) shifts. For instance, if you don't put his surname for reason number one (above), in California he can take you to court, prove it's his child through paternity test, and still might get "rights".... so....
... PLEASE discuss this with an attorney in your area - look them in up in the phone book.
2006-09-01 09:45:07 · answer #5 · answered by nuovoterra 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that you and the child's father will eventually get married, let the child have his last name. If there is no way that the 2 of you will be getting together and that he is going to have no part in raising the child, let the child have your name. I don't know what your circumstances are so that is about the best I can do.
2006-09-01 16:56:15 · answer #6 · answered by morris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I don't believe that women should have to take their husband's surname, but each to their own. If you do eventually marry this man, then fine, but I'd give the child your own until you marry whomever. After all, you are the one who is going to be doing most of the parenting, by the sounds of it. He hasn't earned it!
2006-09-02 06:25:28 · answer #7 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're in the UK, if you register the child in your name you can always change it once you get married at a later date..... however, if you give the father's name, you cannot change it back to yours once the child is 1 year old (I was told this by my registry office).
So to save you any heartache at a later date, you need to stick with your surname because at least you know that can be changed in the future if you get married.
2006-09-01 22:02:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can give the child any surname you want, it doesn't have to be either. As you're not married, I don't think he can argue.
If he still isn't showing commitment to the child by the time of registering the birth, you should probably give him/her your surname.
2006-09-01 12:30:30 · answer #9 · answered by idontknow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd want my baby to have my surname if i were you, if you do marry this commitment phobe you can always change the childs surname when you change yours, it would be horrible to have a baby with a different name to yours, if your partner is that bothered by it i guess he'll need to marry you! hehe.
2006-09-01 09:40:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this problem and my son actually got both surname, sounds silly i know but 6 months later when his dad left i dropped the end name and its was easier to have it removed properly too as my name was already in there he had no say with our son only being 6 months old and me having the parental responsibility
2006-09-01 19:33:06 · answer #11 · answered by emma b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋