My mother is driving me INSANE!!!?

Question

My mom and I have always disagreed and fought on EVERYTHING! I'm 22 now, don't live at home, I am a mother, and a wife. She has always been controlling, and is still trying to run my life. I have never wanted to lead the life that she wants for me, and that really upsets her. She said that she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, and that really hurts, but I'm ready to just accept the fact that she is completely nuts and there is nothing that I can do to try and salvage this situation. The problem is, is that her and my daughter (whom is 3) have a good loving relationship. I trust my mom with her to a point, and don't know how to let them have a relationship if her and I can't have a relationship...it just isn't normal or right in my eyes. What should I do? I feel that I've tried reaching out to her so many times, and she just doesn't want to accept me for who I am. We are both very hard headed people, and I don't think that either one of us are going to change.

Answer 1

(*laughter*) You will always be about 12, as far as your mother is concerned. You may as well adjust it to..it's just the reality.

I am WAAAAY older than you, and my mother would do the same thing if I allowed it. I finally got to the point that I just said "no", and if she said something nasty...pointed out IMMEDIATELY that it was nasty...and very bluntly. (My favorite phrase was: "Wow..that was pretty vicious..I hope it was intentional and you're not just turning into one of those mean old women.")

I came to the conclusion in my 30s that my parents and I would NEVER be friends. I loved them because they were my parents, but I didn't LIKE them. I would NEVER pick them as friends. And, I realized they wouldn't pick ME as a friend either.

Now, my mother and I are closer, but it's because I don't let her get away with anything anymore.

Good luck, hon. You are sooooo going to need it. All I can tell you is that my parents were WONDERFUL grandparents, and that was going to have to be good enough...because they never were wonderful parents.

Answer 2

If you are both too hard headed to find a happy medium then it's only going to be damaging to your daughter in the long run. If your Mom refuses to accept that you are an adult and is trying to control your life then you need to get it across to her that she does not posses that control she desires so badly. Make your life independent from hers with the exception of the relationship she has with your daughter (never verbally bash your Mother in front of your daughter). Don't ask her opinion, don't ask for her help, and don't accept favors that she will hold over your head and make you feel like you owe her for. Eventually she will realize that you are doing things on your own and she'll notice your Independence and that she could have a more active role if she simply accepts you as the adult you are...

Answer 3

Divorce her then. lol. what is so hard your grown. Get away then.
not her fault she's coucou. Sometimes it just doesn't work out when you get older.I know it hurts. If you can't talk to her. And there is no communication what so ever. Just give up. Maybe she'l come to her senses after a year or so. Don;t let her run your life. She can be in your life. But just don;t let her run it. you have a life of your own and that's the last thing you need. You are your own person. Don;t let her put you down like that.
If she doesnt want to have anything to do with you. Let it be that way then. maybe it's a cry for help? But don't fall for it. That's kind of harsh to say. Just don't bring your kids around that negative energy you don't want them to see that. If she wants to disagree with stuff let her disagree and DO YOUR OWN THING. LIKE I SAID YOUR GROWN. MAKE YOU OWN DECISIONS AND HWAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT TO LIVE A HEATHLY LIFE. YOU DONT NEED HER RUNNING YOU LIFE.

Answer 4

I am still in highschool and I know that supposedly all teens feel this way, but I am going through what you are with your mother...I just don't have children...my mom doesn't accept who I am or want to be because she is a very religious and controlling person. She and I don't believe in most of the same things and that's fine with me, but in her eyes I will always be wrong...if I had a child and my child had a very close relationship with my mother I would embrace it, but be very cautious...I would fear, and maybe you should, that my mother would try to convince my child that I was a bad person. That my child shouldn't obey me and that they should be careful of every command that I give him or her because I might "lead them down that wrong path", or something like that. Which could cause confusion and/or mixed feelings about his or her mother (me in this example). Anyways I hope that this helps and by the way it's because of my relationship with my mother that I feel unfit to ever bare a child...because as they say history does repeat itself and I never want to put my child in the situation that I endure everyday. Sry if at all confusing.♥

Answer 5

I went through the same thing with my Grandmother who unofficially "adopted" me after my Mother died. Just so it's known, I loved her without question, my best friend.
This is a tough situation for you. It's easier said than done, try being the bigger person, don't do anything you'll regret later. Don't respond to anything directly that will cause her to "bite" on your reaction. Think of your daughter and her relationship, tolerance is the key. Try that, you'll sleep better at night

Answer 6

OuCh! well honestly, it all boils down to the child, no matter who started what or who is to blame...you have to think about the child and the child needs to see a healthy realtionship or else it will become a vicious cycle .. u know what i mean? for what its worth your mom needs to grow up she is treating you like you are her boyfriend /man or something. she really needs to look i n the mirror and see that she needs to grow up like dr. phil would say, this is not healthy at all for you , your baby or mother. try going to counseling but be care ful or read one of dr.phils books trust me they work for these types of relationships. overall it is good that they have a great relationship but you both should have a stronger that your daughter can look at so you and your daughter will have a great relationship when she is your age. I hope you the best and I will pray to lord jesus to help you out ..amen

Answer 7

Not to downplay your problem w/ her, but I have to say you must be grateful she doesn't rely on you for living arrangements or something serious. I know someone who's mother moved in after the Dad's death. When they aren't getting along days go by that they don't even speak to each other. She would love her mother to move out, but there's the money issue.

Ttry to distance things where you can (especially in the case of your daughter) ... absence breeds fondness.

Answer 8

Seems to me you answered your own question to a large degree. Neither of you is going to change and this situation isn't going to change. So you just accept that this is how your relationship is and you manage it within those bounds. You learn to ignore her trying to run your life and how to just laugh off her comments instead of letting them have a detrimental affect on you and your relationship with her.

Answer 9

You're sure in a tough situation. You need to sit down and talk to your mom, you really need to tell her how you feel and explain to her that you want the two of you to get along better in order to better represent mother-daughter relationships to you daughter.

Answer 10

It's like reading the book on my mother and me. I now have a better relationship with her, however, I had to tell her straight up what she was doing to me and if it didn't stop we'd no longer have a relationship. I'm 31 with 4 children, you have to be honest and stand your ground. No matter what the outcome.