My 37 year old fiance said he will not take his parents name on his accounts after marriage. Do I worry?

Question

My fiance still lives with his parents. He told me the reason he has their name on the account is he travels alot for work. He helps them alot around the house, pays some of their bills, and even bought a brand new car for them when they already had a car. He even wanted to buy his mom the same car I liked. They sometimes deposit his paychecks & pay his bills. He tells me the mail will continue to go to his parents address after we get married. The reason he doesn't want to change his accounts is because the Bank will screw up his account. He wants the money I am earning be joint account with him. When I got upset & asked him. He said I missundersood & he will open an account with his & my name to pay bills. He is white Catholic & I am 34 years old East Indian Catholic. He told me that I am the one who is not trusting him & he will always love me & never leave me. His parents got upset because sat together in the couch & hugged each other. His mom treats him like a kid. Whad do I do?

Answer 1

I think you need to tell him to cut loose the apron strings. He's 37 years old...old enough to let go of his parents' hands. I can understand that when he was single, his parents had access to his account to make sure that his bills got paid on time while he traveled, but you two are getting married...it should be just you and him....you'll be there to take care of any bills when he's gone. I'm not understanding why the mail should still go to his parents house even after you two get married though...that's just odd.

Let him know that you're putting your foot down. The bank's not going to screw up his account just cause he's taking his parents' names off and putting yours on. If he wants an account with his parents, fine, but let him know that none of your money is going to that account.

It's not an issue of trust...but of him growing up and learning to be a man on his own. Some boys will always be a mama's boy.

Answer 2

He said the two of you will open a joint account in both your names, right? So I see no problem. After you are married, simply take over the paying of the bills out of the new joint account. That account can be opened with YOUR new address. Just because there is still a bank account out there with his and his parents names doesn't mean you can not handle the business for you and your husband. I would, however, talk this all out with your fiance and explain that it is not that you do not trust him, but the time has come to leave the nest and be an adult-separate from his parents.

Answer 3

Why is he still living with his mother and father at the age of 37. That is the first thing that I would think about. Why does he have a bank account with mom and dad. Because he travels is no excuse. There must be a reason he wants to keep the account. So when he opens an account with you will he still be putting money in the account he has with the parents? Seems to me like there are a whole bunch of issues here and I would get them all worked out before I ever thought about marrying him. Personally he doesnt really sound like marriage material to me. He needs to let go of mommy and daddy. Good luck to you because I think you may need it with him.

Answer 4

I thought marriage was about becoming 1. Baby girl your 34? I've been with a man like that before. There will come a day you want more out of life and you will have no clue what dreams are reachable with him. Wheather it be you would like to slurg on a vacation or it be as in my case, You just wanting the peace of mind knowing your bills are payed brings. Being allowed to be the women of the house, taking care of him and even the little things like you being the one to deposit his check or drop on that payment for the electric does mean a lot and brings a lot to a relationship. It's stepping blocks to the main thing any relationship is based on TRUST AND TAKING CARE OF EACH OTHER AND IT BEING ALL ABOUT YOU TWO GROWING OLD MAKING A LIFE TOGETHER!!!!!!! Girl he's Mom is not the one you should be bothered with treating you like a kid. Just think aboout is are you not really mad at him for treating you like a kid. Now don't get me wrong if your parents are in need and you have the ability to help them, then if he did not I would worry he was not a good man. But isn't those decisons like all should be something ya'll do as a team? Even the good Lord say to take care of your own household first, then the extended family. Does he not realize if he takes your hand in marry, you become his family. They become extended. Baby girl you might not want to face it but it's not love unless your loved back like an equal!!!!!!

Answer 5

Start worrying now! He is a big mamas boy! If he is not willing to take his parents name off his accounts then he is not entirely committed to you. You need to put your foot down now and tell him that you will be taking care of the bills and depositing paychecks from now on that is the duty of the wife, he no longer needs his mama to take care of this. This guy has some serious issues. If he absolutely won't agree to this and you don't want to break up then get and account with only your name on it so that he has NO access to it and take care of your own business. Make sure the joint bills come to his address so that you don't get stuck paying everything. Let him do it! If it is like this now, it will not get better. You are in for a hard road with him.

Answer 6

I would be worried about marrying a 37 year old man who is still living with mom and dad.

I can see reasons to have parents on an account with their child, but those are cases where the parent is becoming incapacitated, and it's usually easier on all if the child is listed on accounts, has power of attorney, etc. This doesn't sound like one of those cases.

This is DEFINITELY an issue you need to resolve prior to marrying this man. If you can't agree with the way household finances are going to be handled, then you need to seriously re-think the marriage. Financial issues are one of the biggest reasons people get divorced. There is no right or wrong way to handle family finances, there's no rule that says when you marry you have to have joint accounts with your husband, but you need to decide this BEFORE getting married. Good luck to you both.

Answer 7

Do some research and get some information from the bank on how to make the account changes. Talk this over with your fiance only, and come to an agreement. It's up to HIM to talk to his parents about what changes will be made.

Finances are a major cause for marital problems. If you can't resolve this issue together, then it's probably best that you seriously analyze how your marriage will be and if you can stay with a partner who doesn't treat you as a partner.

Answer 8

the bank will not screw it up if he takes the names off/changes the address/whatever. they do this all the time. it's the parents who may mess this up, as they would have to give permission to be taken off the account.

it's fine that your money goes into a joint account with him, as long as his does too! i'm not saying that he shouldn't take care of his parents, but the money needs to come to both of you first, then you can decide how it will be distributed.

money is the #1 reason for divorce - settle this issue before you get married, then get on with your life. don't wait till you're married and hope that you can change it.

Answer 9

Beware !! He sounds like he isn't ready to a total commitment to you. I am a senior citizen and have seen this before. Tell him he can put a certain amount each month into an account for his parents(amount you both agree on). They should not pay his bills anymore, you should as his wife. They seem to want to keep him under their control. Think twice before you agree to anything that doesn't seem right to you. Why would he want his mail to continue to go to their address(does he have something to hide). Take a step back and look at this picture, it doesn't look right.

Answer 10

be live me you need to question your relationship with this man - i have been in this situation and trust me any reassurance he gives you is just for the moment, as soon as he gets the ring on your finger he will not change a single thing - once a Mommy's boy always a mommy's boy. Do you think he will love his mom any less after he marries you? Sorry to sound so harsh. His parents should be happy that their son has found someone to love, not get upset because your giving each other ahug. After you marry this guy things will get worse not better, his parents will fight for his attention and by the sounds of it they are gonna win. PLease please think with your head and not your heart with this situation, because you don't want any regrets!