How do I talk about my boring sex life with my boyfriend?

Question

He knows a little how I feel. We are scheduled to talk about it more tonight. I am just confused on how to word my feelings.

We have great sex but it is routine and it seems like we only do it when he is in the mood. I would like a little excitement and fun. I can predict the positions and the time. Not say that every time has to be a special event but I would like some variety.

This is beginning to make me feel un-sexy, un-pretty, and un-wanted. Please help!!! I need suggestions and/or examples.

We have been together for two years and I love him dearly-but I need some "wow factor" in the bedroom.

First, everyone thank you for your answers. I also want to state that I have tried to be more aggressive and I have also brought out my box of toys. My attempts just get rejected

Answer 1

Okay, so you don't wish to cheat but things are boring indeed, I hear you. We live under the illusion that all men are wild and crazy for wild and crazy sex all the time. Alas, it isn't so. Another interesting, but sad fact, is that most men become more conservative as they age and are pretty set in their ways by the time they're 35 - at which point women start discovering themselves and become more adventurous.

That doesn't mean, however, that all hope is lost. You indicate that your lover is no longer interested in trying new places for sex, but what you don't say is whether you can communication openly about sex and whether or not you have tried anything else to spice up your sex life rather than just "different places". After all, one can travel around the world in one's imagination, no?

If the love is real and everything else in the relationship is good it's certainly worth doing your best to bring the zing back to your sex life, though it is a challenge with conservative men - especially if it's difficult to talk to them about openly about sex. You deserve to have a great sex life, but a man can't give that to you - he can only create one with you and in order to do that you need to be really in touch with who you are sexually and what thrills you. What else do would you like to try besides new locations? Take the time to think it out and consider keeping a journal with your discoveries and ideas.

The biggest challenge in improving your sex life with a conservative man is moving forward, bringing out the fire, without making him feel defensive. The more you can make things seem "his idea" the better. Are there things that he's suggested in the past that you didn't want to try? Is there anything you'd be willing to give a go at in exchange for him trying one of your ideas?

And of course one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal is you and your body. Men are very visual, we all know this, but few women use this to their advantage - in fact we often put men down for the compliments they give us telling them "no, you don't know what you're talking about my *** is huge..." I'm not suggesting that you run out and buy racy red lingerie to wear around the house but I am suggesting that you begin to show yourself off to your best sexiest advantage at home. If you don't already shave or wax your bikini area and more...consider it, and if you do, of course you've got to go pantie-less to bed for the full effect. What you want to do is what women do well...tease. You're not going to stand in front of the t.v. and demand attention, but perhaps you're going to be braless when you're cooking dinner, or perhaps he's going to catch a glimpse of you putting on some cute sexy lingerie while getting ready for work...I'm sure you've got a great imagination, use it.

Accept any compliments he gives you with as much grace and acceptance as you can muster. Let him know how important it is to you. When he starts to respond to this sexier you running around the house give him positive encouragement.

Good luck with your adventures

Answer 2

Be more aggressive!
What the hell are you doing? You're waiting for him to alter the routine? Whatever it is that you want to try, where ever, or whenever it is that you want to do something, just go grab his butt and get it done!
You can't tell him that there's a problem, and think that you're not gonna have to be part of the solution!
I think, that tonight, when you talk to him, you should tell him how happy he makes you. You should say that sex with him is great. Then you should tell him that you want both of you to be as happy as you can, and ask him if there's anything he would like you to try to do, to make him feel more loved. That's it. Don't tell himsex is boring! He's liable to get all self conscious about it, and not want to at all. Guys are massively sensitive about being able to please their women. You'll crush the dude.
At some other point, ask him if he has any sexual fantasies. Make him tell you what they are. You tell him yours. Then hopefully you'll get some ideas about how to spice things up. But you gotta make that happen, you can't just gripe at him!
Good luck, I hope that helps you.

Answer 3

What ever you do don't ever say "our boring sex life". Big mistake! Find some new positions you'd like to try... some chocolate syrup... maybe some fuzzy handcuffs... and start your conversation with "You make me so hot!" while dangling the handcuffs from one finger in one hand and the chocolate syrup bottle in the other hand. Belive me, it worked on my boyfriend. Now he's the one begging for more new stuff. We even go to a porn shop together once every 3 months for some new toys. It's great!

Answer 4

Well, scheduling a meeting seems a little too formal. I commend you for wanting to do something about this, though. Instead of formally talking about it (which will surely stress you both out), why don't you grab the reigns (literally or figuratively... your choice) next time and do something new. Sometimes, a gal has to take control of a situation.

Good luck! I'm rooting for you!

Answer 5

Dudette...
Chill... the pressure's on the guy to perform, ya know...
Really.. a WOW factor may come at the expense of his performance and deep down... he'd probably dunnoe what you desire... let on to him smoothly , while you guys are outside, make comments such as: Isn't tht cucumber nice or watever :O :P

Guys needs hint to change. We are very habitual creatures who doesn't like to leave comfort zones you knw...

Answer 6

Maybe you should take the initiative and do things that you like. Like positioning your body and he'll follow suit. Or when he hits a spot that you like, just tell him that you like there and want more.
There's nothing wrong with that. That way you may be retraining him without having to go through difficult talks that may hurt his "manly" image.

Answer 7

i'd suggest asking him to buy you some sexy nighties. or, you can buy them yourself.
hopefully this talk tonight will help. just simply brainstorm with him, tell him just what you've said in here.
you could also broach the subject of x-rated videos. they are fun. the first time or two you go into the "back room" of the video store with him will be a hoot, kinda nervewracking, but you and he might like it.

Answer 8

Ok then take initiative and do something different oh I don't know you try getting in the mood and start something with him. Don't go to the bedroom either do it right where you are.

Answer 9

Boring Sex life? hmmm u need some change..
U initiate it and it will all go fine.. its easy to fix .. mail me [e-mail] i can give u ideas

Answer 10

if you love him.. you should be able to be honest. just sit down and tell him.. i wanna try something else the next time we have sex... lets through some spice in.. and see what he says... just tell him the truth.