This guy I date always wants to know where I'm at, what I'm doing and everything like that. The minute I ask for something he acts like he do everything for mebut does nonthing.We have been in this relationship for 2 years now. I try to help him with everything but when I need him he's never around to be the man that I need. How should I start treating him?
2006-09-01 07:09:33 · 39 answers · asked by lady k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Uhhh... dump him, perhaps?
2006-09-01 07:10:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start treating him exactly the way he treats you. I understand that people want to know where you are--it's not about trust, but about concern and safety. But if he's not giving you any answers, then you don't owe him any.
Tell him WHY you are doing this, otherwise it'll turn into a silly battle from the fifth grade. Let him know that you respect him, but that you need the same respect from him. If you tell him what you're going to be doing, then he needs to be willing to do the same. Mostly, it'll drive him nuts and he'll loosen up a little (hopefully, that is).
Relationships should be 50/50, but I've found that our heads usually interpret any shortcoming as a huge misdeed by the other person. Is he truly not helping you at all, or are you just frustrated when he leaves all the chores for you? If he's not helping at all, then it's time to move on--but if he tries, then just train him better.
Treat him like you want to be treated--but the opposite is true. Treat him like he treats you, and maybe that will give him a wake up call.
2006-09-01 07:16:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Treat him!? You've done everything in your power up to now to make him change, and he hasn't and more than likely, never will. The one who needs to change is YOU!
You are the product of the conditioning you have received all through your life and firmly believe that there is no way out but the to keep trying what you have. You need to take an objective view at yourself and analyze what it is about those values you have learned that are doing you harm. There are many things we learn early in life that as adults, no longer work for us. Do you still believe in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy , and the likes? No, right? You have discarded them in adult life. You should do the same with all the useless morals and standards you have picked up along the way.
You need to start loving yourself in a logical, sensible and responsible manner! Do you, as a human being, deserve this type of treatment? Do you enjoy the life your leading? Can you withstand it another two years without reaching an emotional point of no return? The person you are with learned very quickly what buttons to push to make you conform to his twisted idea of what a relationship should be. Your feeble attempts at correcting the situation have only enforced his will to control you even more. He feels so insecure and inferior that he needs to control others.
Get a piece of paper, sit down, divide it with a line down the middle and start a list. On the left side you are going to put all the pros and on the right all the cons of your relationship (be honest with yourself when you do this). Once you have done this look at your list and determine which of the cons can be eliminated by simple will and tenacity. See which of the pros are strong enough to, practically by themselves, overtake the cons. work diligently to achieve the most objective view of your relationship. You'll discover that the cons far outweigh the pros. Act on this to secure more comfort, peace of mind and satisfaction for yourself. Forget this loser and do what it takes to rid yourself of his toxic influence and LIVE your life the way you have always envisioned.
I wish you the best of luck and always remember that there is no one else on this planet like you and that you deserve the best!!!
2006-09-01 07:36:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should consider leaving him. It is hard to change someone who don't want to change and sees nothing wrong with his behavoir. I will tell you that more than likely it is you who will end up changing. The way he treats you will wear you down. It will change the way you see yourself worth. You will start questioning yourself, wondering about things you used to be confident about. It will get to the point that you will speed home just to save an arguement of why it took you 5 minutes longer to get there. You really are in a no win relationship as you will be the one fighting to keep it together. While he is looking for a reason to end it. Waiting for just one slip up to hold against you. You can't go around life tip toeing for his sake. Good Luck & God Bless!
2006-09-01 07:58:51 · answer #4 · answered by zero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right. I think that if you're that unhappy with this person, then you should reconsider being with them. If you have to resort to treating them a certain way just to stop a behavior that you don't care for, then clearly the lines of communication are not there.
Why not sit him down and explain to him that you don't like the way he is treating you? Go to counseling. Be proactive about it! But, definitely don't get passive-agressive about it.
2006-09-01 07:16:20 · answer #5 · answered by jupiterclash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omit Little Bunny it really is a complicated question, because if a guy isn't once you for Lust (a minimum of in the beginning) the there is a few thing incorrect with the guy. allow me make clean. adult males are seen, so what initially attracts a guy to a lady is her looks. it ought to easily be her fantastically face, or the very reality she does no longer have authentic thick ankles. lol it really is what receives a guy to the female. From then on nonetheless, issues shift. If the girl is amazingly alluring, yet seems to be authentic bitchy, those looks pass bye bye fantastically quickly. some adult males, like i ought to, gained't pass out inclusive of her again, and she or he probable feels an same. different adult males do not care, and could attempt to be actual with them and performance sex. If I had any suggestion for a youthful lady/lady - any age. do no longer have sex with any guy, hopefully until eventually eventually marriage, yet for certain, no longer until eventually you extremely get to draw close him. Simmer his lust down with your eye-catching personality, and unexpectedly, he unearths your charm is going below your epidermis for your heart, and it is going to develop into authentic love. Congrat ______________________________________...
2016-12-06 02:47:16 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't treat him in any way, you shouldn't have anything to do with him!! Come on where is your common sense? Is this really the kind of relationship you want? No, it obviously isn't. You aren't going to change who he is so the simple fact is this just isn't the guy for you. Quit wasting your time and move on already!
2006-09-01 07:16:20 · answer #7 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont treat him any kind of way you treat yourself by getting out of the relationship because he wants to control you so he can do what he wants. you deserve better and if you loved yourself and respected yourself you wouldnt let him treat you this way. Stand up and let him know that hey i wont allow you to control me you are not my father and what ever you are trying to hide from me by controlling me really isnt as important to me baceuse life is to short and yes i care and have love for you but i wont allow this type of treatment and as tell him he dont do anything for you and probably dont plan on starting to do any thing. Pray ask God to Help you and send you that someone special. love ya
2006-09-01 07:15:24 · answer #8 · answered by cupcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get out of that relationship and fast! No one needs someone that treats them like that. My sister's ex would tell her when she could sing and when she could not, when she needed to go buy new bras. Because she was in that relationship she didn't see how much it was hurting her and the other people that loved her like her family. Don't let a guy like that ruin your life! Get out of that relationship and quickly!
2006-09-01 07:12:39 · answer #9 · answered by Dianne S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got two words for that LEAVE HIM. I just went through bull **** like that myself. If you think he is going to change think again. The bad always outweighs the good with men. Someone like him is insecure and or messing around with you. Learned that by experience and in Psychology class. Do yourself a favor and find someone who will love you and have respect for you. We all deserve that in life. Or are you telling us the whole story??
2006-09-01 07:13:35 · answer #10 · answered by deborah_012003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the first thing that you need to do is get rid of him, and move on with your life, and find a man that really loves you, not one that wants to control you. You need to be able to live your life, not be controlled.... Get out before he hurts you somehow
2006-09-01 07:12:48 · answer #11 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋