well i have been dating this guy for about three months. i really love him and he really loves me, but the other day he told me he still had feelings for his ex of 18 months. he said he still loved her but because of something he did she said they would never get back together. i don't want to lose him and i don't think i will but it worries me because i don't know how to help him. i'm scared and whenever he talks about it i want to cry because it hurts me to hear him say he still cares a lot about his ex. i want to help him get over her but i'm not sure how. i want him to know that i do see a future with him, but if he keeps tearing himself up over his ex, i may not get that wish because he'll be too lost for me to help him. i don't want to lose him that way but i feel that everything i do is pointless. please help me figure out what to do so that i don't lose him. i'm deseperate.
2006-09-01 07:03:22 · 18 answers · asked by demonswt88 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is a tough situation to be in...but not hopeless. I being a guy have been in his shoes before. My ex dominated my thoughts and mind... It took me awhile to get refocused. I had some really good friends that helped me through the process... The best way to describe his state is grief. He just has an issue of letting go. Which you can help him with. Do things in his eyes that really make him feel that you care. Whatever that may be. You must impact him in such a way that he can see that you are the future for him. You can do this I have seen women transform men by just a loving touch. If a man feels he can do anything because you believe he can, then he can. The man's pyshce is odd and simple and often misunderstood.
2006-09-01 07:22:48 · answer #1 · answered by bigdog 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's still learning and having a hard time. Maybe he's doing that to avoid temptation? Be patient, leave or both. No you're not wrong for wanting affection above that which eh would show to others, but just keep in mind that he is not your fiance or husband, so he doesn't necessarily owe that to you. I'd say he owes you a priority concerning his time and trust though. If he loved you the same as everyone else, he wouldn't have asked you to be his girlfriend. He's trust trying to figure out the right balance, not snub you. You should tell him what's on your mind. Guys don't like it when we "expect them to know what we're thinking." =)
2016-03-17 06:09:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i've been here and i got really hurt because she found my number and called me up and that wasn't a pretty site. It's a similar situation. the best things i can say is talk to him about it. ask what he wants to do leave you and try to get back with her or stay with you and get over her. I know it's going to hurt but there could be something better out there waiting for you to come along. Trust me you will be ok.. Good luck!!!!
2006-09-01 07:12:47 · answer #3 · answered by Lu-Lu - hopelessly romantic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want to give so much of yourself to someone who isn't absolutely 100% sure of you as well? If he cares a lot about his ex, then clearly he shouldn't be attempting a relationship with someone else. That isn't fair to you.
My best advice is to let him go. It will hurt, definitely, but in the long run you'll be better off. Because by ending things with a guy who can't fully appreciate you, you'll be able to focus your energy on finding someone who can give you that. It's kind of a trite thing to say, but there are other fish in the sea. There are lots of really nice guys out there in the world who will be willing to give you as much as you give them. You just have to find them.
2006-09-01 07:12:53 · answer #4 · answered by jupiterclash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are I think looking for a long time relationship. That is the right approach. Suggest you set up a test to be sure he loves you. You take it easy and back off for a while. Avoid going out with him and do not take his calls. If he really likes you he will come after you and plead with you to go out with him as earlier. If that happens it means he cares for you.If his intention has been simply to have good time with you he will not pursue if you do not respond. He will take the easy path of returning to his old flame. Therefore you will see this will be an acid test and answer to all your questions.
2006-09-01 07:13:13 · answer #5 · answered by openpsychy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she did something SO unforgiveable, so bad, tell me why is she the topic of discussion? Dont be mad, but u may be a rebound to get his mind off her, or make her jealous,(I dont care what he tells u). Guys lie. If this has become such an issue that u he brought it up,and had to bring up her name, then its serious. And u know that somethings wrong if u had to come here and ask. He says he wouldnt take her back, but what if she came back and apologized, said she wanted to get back together...........................................
Move on with someone who has u and ONLY you on his mind. YOur boyfriend had NO business getting into a relationship when he knows he wasnt over another one,
And if he is a bone head and takes someone back who broke his heart, when he had a good thing in you, then u didnt want such an IDIOT anywayzZZZZ
2006-09-01 07:09:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont remind him of his ex girlfriend..., for one. and another keep him happy he will get over his ex.. but girl theres nothing really you can do ...only him has to find in his heart to forget her.. and move on with his life. Really he should have never gotton into another relashionship untill he was over her. but all you can do is hope that he will get over her. take his mind of her. show your charms. dont give him space to compare though. if you talk about her or cry about him still wanting her it will only get him to think about her some more. remember to stay happy for him to clear the way that when he looks at you. Your not in pain. .and that you love him more than she could ever have loved him. or maybe you should let him go. because you wont be happy. You will always be in pain.. and crying a whole lot. If he has feelings for his ex.. give him space to get over her. either way as long as he is away from her.. he will soon forget her because she would show no attention torwards him.. the key is time.. Thats all i can really tell you. be patient with him. dont give up. theres still hope. youll find it dont worry. He will be in your arms one day.. but untill that day.., Hold your heart close and breath some more.., it isnt going to be over. unless he wants it to be.
2006-09-01 07:13:45 · answer #7 · answered by sweet_poetic_fire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U gotta take a break from him for awile. If u still love each other after the break then things will go back to normal, If he doesn't then he wasn't ment to be. I did it with my gf and we still like each other.
2006-09-01 07:07:35 · answer #8 · answered by Ian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, one question... if he really loves you like you said he does, how come he havent got over his ex yet? anyway, i understand you were dating him for only three months, be patient and be yourself, be loved for what you really are and not for what you think whichever will get him over his ex.
ive been in the same situation once, yes, its scary when he talks about it, but you shud understand that it is part of his past and you must accept it.
be on guard, hope for the best and expect the worst.. anyway, love is a gamble... there is no such thing as a guarantee that a guys really loves you. you just trust.
2006-09-01 07:12:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay okay calm down sweetheart, in a stiuation like this the funny thing is you cant do much, because the more you try to do he will think your just trying to replace those feelings, he may still have feelings for her, but he is with you, first of all thats a good thing, so run with it, be caring to him, show he that he can count on you, listen when he talks to you, please dont try to provide a solution for that, just listen, if he asks, then you provide one, but the crazy thing is all you can do is just be there sweetheart, there is nothing you can do but to have your man's back.
2006-09-01 07:17:22 · answer #10 · answered by The LuvDoctor 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋