Did anyone wait or planned to wait for the "perfect time" to have children?

Question

My wife and I have been together for 5 years.

We are in our mid 20's.

We were waiting for our “perfect time” to have a child.

We wanted to pay off our house, cars, and do a $50,000 house remodel before having our first child.

Friends told me I would regret waiting so long because there will never be a “perfect” time.

So we decided to get pregnant now, and our house and cars will be paid off before the baby is born.

So we made it to the half way point of our “perfect” time.

The remodel will wait, but I think I will be happy being a father more than I would enjoy a new kitchen at this time.

Did anyone else try to wait for the “perfect” time and then decided to just start a family instead?

Answer 1

Your friend is right...there is no "perfect time"

There will always be something else that comes up, if your "perfect time" involves accomplishment and material goods and finances...however...

I think the actual "perfect time" has more to do with the strengthand maturity of each partner and of the marriage...you can have all the money in the world...but if you're still just a kid yourself...you're not ready. If your relationship is rocky...and you think a kid will fix it...your not ready.

Of course...being more financially secure will take some burdens off your shoulders and make room for those that come with a baby...however...the most important part I think...is knowing you're in a solid relationship and that you're ready to become a parent and that your partner is as well..

You sound a little young, but your married and you have passed the 5 year mark (which by that way 50% marriages fail before then...especially young marriages) It's always nice to see people enjoy the marriage and each other before they start throwing babies into it.. ...and it sounds as though you've done well for yourself...so ...why wait?

My husband and I had been together for 9 years, married for 4 when we decided it was time...not because we were ready financially...but more because we were ready emotionally...we're in our mid 30's

For us...we did wait for the "perfect time"...although our requirements for "perfect" were different than yours...and no we do not regret it for a minute...we lived like rockstars through our 20's, moved away to live on an island, cruised around on motorcycles...all the silly things we felt we needed to do...now...we've settled down and it's time for babies and I wouldn't have done anything different.

Congratulations on the "next step"...good luck. :)

Answer 2

You're friends are right--there is never a "perfect time" to start a family. My husband and I have been married for 6 and a half years and have a 2 year old. We wanted to pay off everything first too, and were able to get most of our home improvements done throughout the pregnancy, but even after all that, we had a flood and had to redo our drainage system. There is more we want to do with the house, but decided to have another child first, since we didn't want them to be too far apart in age. We still have lots to do, but we did get a lot out of the way, which it sounds like you are doing. I have a child and a new kitchen. I can't speak from a man's point of view, but I can tell you that you're right--you'll enjoy being a parent more than a new kitchen! Your house isn't going anywhere, but these years of your life are. Life is a work in progress. New things always pop up. Things always change. I'm glad you and your wife decided not to put your wishes for a family on hold. My husband and I are really glad we didn't either.

Answer 3

there is no perfect time. I was told I couldn't get pregnant, then oops...shocker. But, it was a good surprise, however, you are smart to get your affairs in order first. We did. We made sure that if something should happen we could survive on one income, which proved important as I was put on bed rest at the start of my second trimester. It was a rough go, but I was lucky not to have to worry about running out of money, losing the house, or losing our insurance....there is enough to worry about.

And yes, I enjoy my son far more than I enjoy my new kitchen. I wanted to wait till I was nearing 30, my husband was ready sooner, but there is an age difference and when he was ready, I was 23 and so not prepared.

I think you did the responsible thing...you planned for the what ifs and put your priorities in order. I mean why bring a baby into the world if you have no home or means to care for it? Oh, and 5 years after marriage is a great time....you have had time to get to know each other first, which is really important. You really need to know who you are creating a life with, because through thick and thin you are bonded together forever.

Good choices!

Best Wishes on the little one!

Answer 4

I was married at 20 and we decided to wait until we'd been married for 5 years before having children. After 4 years, we started trying for a baby but we found out that sometimes you just can't have 'em when you want 'em :)
It took a year with an infertility specialist so I had my baby at 27. It turned out to be the "perfect time".

Our second son came at the worst possible time... we were told I couldn't have more children so we'd accepted having an "only". My son was just about to start kindergarten, I'd been elected to public office and our lives were perfect when I suddenly started feeling queasy... the stick turned blue and I couldn't believe it.

Of course, it turns out that was actually the perfect time to have a second baby and our lives were more enriched than we could ever have imagined by having him. He turned 14 today and I think I've laughed with him every day of those 14 years.

I don't think there's any way to be prepared enough for having a baby. It's one of those things you just jump into with both feet and enjoy the ride. You'll find that you had your baby at the perfect time once they're born. Congratulations to you and your wife.

Oh, and speaking as someone who had a precious amount of time just with my husband at the beginning of our marriage just as you have with your wife, I think it gives you a lot to draw on while raising children. I'm at the point where my oldest has now flown the coop and too soon it'll just be my husband and I but we already know we can make it as people as well as parents :)

Answer 5

Don't waite. Your wasting time that could be spent enjoying your family. I have a 9 month old, he's just the best little thing in the world. Just do it. We are also remodeling and paying bills and doing the baby thing all at the same time. It's great. Go for it--enjoy the little one when he/she comes.

Answer 6

hahaha! we were going to wait for the "perfect time" but we got a SURPRISE!!!!

really, everyone is right. there is no real "perfect time". just have your kids and live your life.
life will never be "perfect". that's life. it's always a work in progress. there's never a time when you are in your life and you can sit back and say o.k. things are "right". if that happens, then you maybe you're dead.....

i grew up in a less than perfect house, but i learned alot by watching my parents remodel. i slept in a crib in my parent's room until they got my sister's room done for her to move into.....good, happy, healthy parents are what kids care about..not how many bills they paid that month or how much money is in the bank.

take the time to be parents....it's worth it!!!!

take care:)

Answer 7

I honestly don't think there is a perfect time for anyone! I think the perfect time to have a baby is when God gives one to you! He knows when you're ready! HOwever the ultimate decision is up to you. Just don't wait too long because you dont want to be too old when your last child is graduating from high school!

Answer 8

Your friend are right there is no perfect time...always bills and other things to do etc. congrats on the "squid" you both sound very responsible and things will be fine. enjoy being a daddy, it is wonderful.....way better than a new kitchen!

Answer 9

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Answer 10

my bf and i waited and then planned our pregnancy but it took us 6 mons just too et pregnat and unfortunaley i am going to miscarry in a few weeks, then we are going to plan another one in 3 mons