My 8 yr old daughter seems to let her little friends be mean to her. She talks alot about this certain girl she calls her best friend alot at home and says they are such good friends and that she is so nice but I have noticed this girl be mean to my daughter more than once. This morning my heart broke. When I pulled up to the school by daughter saw this girl and when she got out of the car she starting calling the little girls name and had the biggest smile and the girl totally ignored her. The girl actually ran from my daughter. I watched her turn and look at me and I was devestated. I am crying thinking about it now. My daughter seems to have some girls that ae nice to her but she seems to only want to be friends with the ones who treat her like crap. Any advice would be nice. Thanks
2006-09-01 06:41:02 · 18 answers · asked by ? 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
well, that girls probably popular and your daughter doesnt want to be a social outcast. You need to tell your daughter that the girl isnt all that, she is really ugly inside, maybe point out what she does and show her. You could get your daughter started in the girl scouts or a church youth group where she could meet new girls. you shouldn't force her to give up that friend, she may despise that action, not fully understanding it, that will cause a rift between you and your daughter. you need to make her realize what is happening, you cant just pull her away. If she could find girls who are really nice to her she will turn away from this girl who is mean because she'll realize that the girl is not her friend. But she needs friends early in life because soon children will find their friends and wont be open to finding any new friends, so hopefully your daughter will have more friends. the cliques arent such a big deal in elementary, but in middle school they are. Once she reaches high school though the cliques will dissappear and you're true friends are the only ones that matter. I was never "popular" in high school, but i always had friends who did treat me well and i am a better person because of it. Statistics show that the people wishing to be popular will forsake their values and morals to become popular, if she can be set up with decent friends before middle school she will be less likely to party with alcohol and drugs. I trully hope your daughter can find some better friends.
2006-09-01 06:46:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Ah always the way with bullying. The victim just wants to be the bullies best friend. It is time to talk to your daughter if you feel this is a regular occurance. It may have been a once off, evryone has a bad day. If it is not then you need to talk to your daughter about what is a real friendship and even ban her from seeing this girl. Organise for her to bring home the nice girls a couple a week and build up the friendships out side of school. you need to help build your daughters self esteem so she can turn her back on these bullis and walk away head held high
2006-09-01 22:51:10 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh my gosh...I can totally relate to your experience. My daughter went through something similar almost a year ago (she was also eight at the time). She began to relate some incidences to me, but I couldn't believe that these girls, who had been her good friends, could treat her so badly. Unfortunately, I down played these incidences, and had no clue about how bad the situation at school was becoming, until I watched it happen first hand, and I was completely crushed. I now know that it only takes one strong, popular child, to lead a group of girls against one child! In our case, the situation escalated to "bullying". We've had a very long haul with these girls; eventually they were threatened with suspension.
I strongly urge you to speak with your daughter, now. Empower her to move away from the group, or the girl in question. Remind her that "friends" do not treat one another that way. It will take time, but continue to encourage her to make new friends at school, and as the others have answered, also provide her with a social venue away from the school crowd. As I stated, it's been a very long road for us, but my daughter is definitely more confident and self assured than when this whole situation started.
I sincerely wish you both the best!
2006-09-02 16:37:31 · answer #3 · answered by ltlcma 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, i know what you mean i had that same problem. mine was easily solved. there were these little girls across the street that ignored my daughter whenever she went over there. One day i even noticed to parents ignoring my daughter. so i asked her does anyone talk to you? she says no. Does anyone ask you to come over and play? she says no. Then i answer by saying is that nice? she says no. So why are you always trying to run over there? Let's find someone else to play with that will be nice to you and you can have fun with.
Kids don't always put things together because their don't understand and have the purest views of people. sometimes you have to intervene and let her know. but definitely jump in and mention to her or even pull it out of her like i did with mine. if she realizes it for herself then she will be more aware of how this little girl treats her.
2006-09-05 05:39:13 · answer #4 · answered by KodeNmKidzNxtDoor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, this hit home.
my cousin "laura" and i were born the same year. that meant we were in the same grade all through school and our elementary school was a very small private school, so there were maybe 10 girls in our class.
long story short....Laura was the queen bee my whole life. one minute she would be someone's friend and the next she'd completely ignore them. we had grown up since baby-hood together and were always friends, until second grade. then, laura realized she had a certain "power" with the girls at school. ever since then i would try to be her friend and she would accept it some days and others she'd "poop" (figuratively) on me.
fortunately, i had an awesome mom who was honest with me and told me that laura wasn't a nice girl and encouraged me to join brownies and girl scouts and other activities. this way i was meeting other girls who may not have been the most popular, but were good friends and i had fun with them! also, she encouraged me to hang out with nice girls in my class. which, i did.
basically, my mom made me see how mean laura really was and how i deserved better friends than her.
trust me, it's tough and i don't think i'd relive elementary school for anything in the world, however, i feel that i'm a much better person than laura and frankly, as we got older, people realized how crappy she was and she doesn't have very many friends anymore.
i've even learned that old teachers and even our grandmother saw her for who she really was and that she was mean-spirited and ugly inside.
so, i suggest you encourage her to participate in some school activities and ask her teacher who some nice girls are and see if they want to come over for a playdate. another idea would be to ask the teacher who the "friends" are in the class. tell him/her your concerns and they'll probably be honest with you about this mean girl.
poor thing doesn't even realize her "friend" is a jerk. i'm so sorry for her.
the queen bee mentality is rampant and it's a shame.
there are actually books about girl cliques and "queen bee" issues. check them out, b/c you might be dealing with it for the next few years.
oh, and if it continues even into high school....well, my biggest salvation was getting a job. i met tons of kids from the next town and they became my true group of friends.
so, hang in there and just solidify all of your daughter's assets to her so she doesn't get down on herself!!!
take care mom!
2006-09-01 07:06:04 · answer #5 · answered by joey322 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like the little girl ur dd call her best friend is not so nice.
I owuld definitely talk to ur dd aobut how friends treat each other and what friends say and how they treat each other.
I liked the suggestion of Girl Scouts my dd was in Girl Scouts and made some wonderful friends. Sometimes it is hard to choose friends and kids are so fickle at this age, they are friends one day and the next they are not. How ever middle school wich for ur dd is a few yrs off is harder the girls in middle school are nasty and mean to each other . Observe a chicken coop LOL same pecking order with girls, little chick the weaker ones get pecked to death. How ever in school not to to death just to misery sometimes suicide and depression and eating disorders.
Ok back to ur prob sounds hard now and it is heart breaking but it will work out...
Good luck
2006-09-02 11:25:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sadly that little girl was taught that at home. My only advice is to let her learn on her own. I have an 11 yr old and I still see that. I think girls are worse than the boys. My daughter probably began to realize it last year so hang in there and hope that she figures it out on her own. In the meantime make sure you praise her for all of her wonderful "traits" and give her little hints here and there about how it seemed to you that "little Suzy" wasn't being very nice to her. Good luck and hang in there.
2006-09-01 06:50:03 · answer #7 · answered by o2bamy25 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The mean girl is probably part of the *popular* girls click and your daughter wants to fit in with them so bad that she is putting up with all the crap thinking that's the way to amke it in to that group of girls. I think you should definitely speak with your daughter and let her know that that type of girl who act like that to her so called friends really is not a *friend* hopefully she will see that she has plenty of other friends that will treat her with respect and be *true- frinds* to her through out her school days.
Good luck- I don't look forward to these days with my 6 yr old daughter at all...:o(
2006-09-01 13:25:53 · answer #8 · answered by sammy22005 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would step in, I had the same problem with my child, and had to end the friendship he had that was making him sad at first a later act the same way he was being treated. He made other friends and is back to the nice guy I know he would rather be. And these friends are the ones a parent wants their kids to know :D Good luck to you.
2006-09-01 06:51:43 · answer #9 · answered by Butterfly 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I feel your pain. My 9 year old went through the same thing and it is heartbreaking. They just don't get it. To be honest, it takes time for them to finally realize they need to find other friends. I would talk to her about it until I was blue, but she just wouldn't listen. She insisted that they were her TRUE friends. She is smarter now and wiser. It just takes one too many rejections for them to open their eyes and realize they are not worth it. I know how hard it is. You see them so happy and they just want a friend to like them back. Girls are brutal today. It wasn't that bad when I was a kid. I feel sorry for them. Good luck!
2006-09-01 06:47:46 · answer #10 · answered by hotmama 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋