My husband and I have been debating this:
My sister has two children...one 5 one 3...they are both very whiney and cry whenever she leaves them with me or anyone else...as soon as she leaves they get over it quickly...they listen when they are with me but as soon as mom and dad show up the five year old stops listening and throws tantrums...they do nothing but try to reason with her and almost beg for her to stop. As long as they don't do it with me I don't feel that it is my business to tell my sis how to raise her kids. I know for a fact that it would not change how she raises them it will just make her mad at me. I'm resigned to keep my mouth shut but my husband says that I should say something...not because he wants to be nice but because it annoys him. He says that he would be honest if it were one of his sisters...
Should I say something? Occasionally I will say things gently...like You should try...to get her to stop that behavoir. She usually doesn't agree.
2006-09-01 06:32:48 · 23 answers · asked by paganmom 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Like I said...it doesn't bother me...they get over it as soon as she leaves...and I disagree children this age do not all do this...If you raise your kids to feel loved and be independent they will be!
2006-09-01 06:36:29 · update #1
If she is acting up in front of her parents all I have to do is tell her to knock it off and she does! He parents just don't seem to be bothered by the behavior! I try to show them how by doing it myself...it's just not getting through!
2006-09-01 06:38:20 · update #2
I would let her raise her children the way she sees fit. Some day she will realize that they are better behaved for you and she may even ask for advice - but until then I wouldn't say anything. If it ever gets to the point where they are acting out with you, then you do have a right to speak up. My sister had "bratty" kids that got on my nerves as well, but she didn't agree with how I wanted to raise mine, and I didn't agree with how she wanted to raise hers, so we just "don't even go there".
2006-09-01 06:40:14 · answer #1 · answered by heartforhelping 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Tough question. At that age, kids are testing boundaries and they quickly learn what they can and can't get away with. Is it possible that she is more strict at home than she is willing to be in public, for fear of seeming too harsh, or seeming less than perfect? Moms get such intense scrutiny and criticism that some are afraid to discipline their kids in public (including around relatives). If this is this case, it might just be that her kids have picked up on it and know they can get away with bloody murder in front of other people.
If your sister gives the impression that she really believers her kids are perfect angels 24/7, I wouldn't broach the subject. (I have one sister like that. The only issue I ever raised with her was when she, on 2 separate occasions, brought kids with the flu to our parents' house when our father was very ill.)
However, if your sister expresses her own frustration, and/or sometimes asks for your opinion/advice, maybe she's giving you an opportunity to discuss it. Go easy on her. Make sure she knows you think her kids are wonderful, but since she brought it up. . . .
Something else that might be a factor in what you decide to do is whether you have kids of your own. Some people dont' want to hear childrearing advice from childless adults.
2006-09-01 13:58:23 · answer #2 · answered by lily2enme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same thing with my nephew. He was always fine when he was with me. But whenever his mom was around, he was a pain in the patootie because she never disciplined him at all. She'd tell him 15 times to stop doing something and would threaten but would never actually do anything.
Like you said you do, I would make comments to her now and then. Nothing 'in your face' and nothing to get her to upset with me. It always fell on deaf ears for the most part. Eventually his behavior got really bad and she realized that what my mother and I had been saying was true. She finally learned how to discipline him.
It sounds like you have the same type of relationship with your sister that I do with mine. And, in that case, confronting her isn't going to accomplish anything. Other than causing tension between the two of you. You and your husband may need to spend less time with her and the kids. That kind of sends a message without being mean.
Basically you should just keep it low-key. She'll figure it out eventually. Hopefully. :-)
Good luck.
2006-09-01 13:46:06 · answer #3 · answered by CarlaCCC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say something along the lines of "I think it may be an idea to perhaps start controlling the kids' tempers/whining as when they attend school it will be a lot easier for them to settle in". Dress it up as tho' you are doing her a favour. I don't agree that it's just their age - yes, kids go thro' phases but if bad/unacceptable behaviour becomes common then the habt is very hard to break and as theyget older theirbehaviour will become worse. How would your sister feel if, over time, nobody wants to mind her kids because of their behaviour? You'll be doing her a favour by telling her, gently, that it really needs to be addressed.
2006-09-01 13:39:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
touchy situation, i have a niece that's on her way there she's 2 and she's like a little animal. but it's my brothers child, i don't see the mom that much. I've already taught her what no means,lol. when she come to my home she's a different child but when her dad comes to pick her up she's a wild woman again and they just kind of beg her to stop. she's totally playing them. but as long as i do my part as an auntie, good manners will be learned, even if she only uses them part time, it's better than nothing.so my advice, leave it alone. if they're good at your house, deal with the craziness at pick up and hopefully what you teach them will shine through one day
2006-09-01 13:52:07 · answer #5 · answered by The Key Master 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same situation,I mailed a Child raising book to them without them knowing who mailed it, It worked wonders and they did not suspect me.
Try it
10 Days to a Less Defiant Child : The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your child's Difficult Behavior
Author: Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D.
Format: Paperback
Published: May 2006
ISBN: 1569243018
List Price: $14.95
2006-09-01 13:36:58 · answer #6 · answered by o c 2 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Ahh..mommy guilt & manipulation. Kids become expert at this early on. Whenever my nieces or nephews do this, I try this. I smile and roll my eyes and say things like "come on, you were fine five minutes ago" or "give me a break". Not in a mean way at all, just enough to let them know it's obvious what they're doing. It didn't stop it completely, but it helped tone it down a lot.
2006-09-01 13:39:42 · answer #7 · answered by kwerkykerri 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Buy her a good parenting book, wrap it up & give it 2 her.
Stand back.
U've told her but let some1 else explain it 2 her.
I can't think of a book 2 recommend but there R plenty around.
If these children do not get discipline soon it mayB 2 late 2 instil any in them later on!
2006-09-01 13:36:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
The children have the adults trained ... Until the grown ups change their behavior , the kid will continue to run the show ... Sorry but just another example of idiots making more idiots . As you are aware , we are in demand of more morons.
2006-09-01 13:37:22 · answer #9 · answered by Bobbo 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
These kids sound like normal kids to me. I have three children and they have all done the same thing, and just to let you know it makes you feel like the worst mom in the world when other people insist that they know your children better than you do. Kids like to see just how far they can get with mom before she flips. The best thing to do is not to treat her like she needs your advice. These are after all her children.
2006-09-01 13:45:34 · answer #10 · answered by lastofseven 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋