I have two boys, Alex is 6 years old and Nathan is 3. Alex seems to have a jealousy problem, when I am holding Nathan he gets mad that I'm not holding him instead. Nathan gets jealous of Alex sometimes and they pick on each other quite a bit.
Now I know it's normal to have some rivalry between siblings, but I love both boys equally and do not prefer one child over the other. I just don't want either one of them to feel inadequate; I hold both of them and pay attention to them as equally as possible. But Alex still gets mad if I so much as hold Nathan in the rocking chair even if I was just holding Alex 5 minutes before that. Any suggestions to help them to both feel better?
2006-09-01 06:28:56 · 11 answers · asked by jennnnn 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
There are just a few ways to help your situation.
-You could try setting aside special time for each of them. In addition to that, you can even take it a step further by having the children choose what to do for that time.
-Instruct them that they way they are acting is not how they should act. Some people might say that your three old is still a little too young to learn that, but on the contrary, this age is the perfect time to teach him this sort of thing. And a plus, whether or not you were having problems with your boys in public, it could help there public manners.
-I don't normally suggest this but it does work sometimes. If this rivalry escalates, a good ol' spanking would do some good. I'm not saying beat them but a few swats would suffice. This would also help out for the public manners.
I hope I could be of service to you.
2006-09-01 08:39:04 · answer #1 · answered by nmk9543 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is very common for the older child to be jealous of their younger sibling. He was the center of your world for a long time and now he has to share you. He is trying to feel powerful. Make sure you take time everyday to show you're love. When the younger child is sleeping, read him a story, do an art project (make a cheerio necklace), and things that show he is the "big boy" (he can help make dinner, help with his younger sibling).
Empathize with both of them a lot. “I know you don’t like it when I hold your brother. You feel (upset, angry, jealous, mad, hurt) when I hold him.” Let them know that you want to have some special time with both of them.
Help them to gain confidence and a sense of power by saying things like "You did that by yourself. Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on your picture!" Let them know that you notice him. This is a great way to show attention and love.
Tell Alex that he is so lucky because he is a big brother. He can do so much more than his brother because he is older. If he keeps getting messages like these, he should start to feel more confident with you spending time with his brother. Hope this helps! Good luck!
2006-09-01 16:14:50 · answer #2 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well as a sibling i can tell you that you will never get rid of this compltly. i have a older brother who is 2 years, 3 months, 3 days, 5 hours, and 57 minits older than i am. i will never forget that and i resennt him for coming frist. i hate being younger. we get along fine most of the time but some time it blows up a lot. i am almost 17 and he is 19. we cant help but pick on each other and we both know wich places hurt the most when fighting. it is a wonder that we have never put each other in the hospital.
just to give youa example of one way we compete, my brother finshed high school last spring and started college. well i started college too. i tested higher than he did and got into the school's dual enrolment program. and next year i will start a 4 year college when i am suposed to bee in 12th grade. my brotheer just goes to the stinkin community college, and i do for the dual enrolment thing, but i will not start college after high school there. just because i want to one-up my brother.
the only thing i can tell you is that you can break up fights between them, but you will never get rid of thhe sibling rivairy thing.
2006-09-02 01:08:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try getting Alex some nice big-boy toys. and some small younger-age ones for Nathan. Tell, Alex that hes a big boy and that big boys are too big to cry. That always seems to work.
2006-09-02 10:00:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh gosh! Talk about flashbacks!! *smile* My sons are 14 & 15... a mere 13 months apart. I have went thru the jealousy, rivalry, competitiveness... pretty much best friend/worst enemy scenario. What you failed to mention in your question is how you react when this happens. Children react to the actions of their parent/s. Have you tried doing things that interest both boys as a family unit? Then try to spend time with each one on one. I know it is totally maddening when children are like this but this to shall pass.
2006-09-01 13:54:52 · answer #5 · answered by _Savage_ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. You just need to keep reassuring each of them that you love them both very very much and that you don't love one of them more than the other. They need to understand that they need to "share" mommy, as if you were a toy that they both want to play with. Try to pay equal attention to both of them. Maybe even set aside individual time with each of them. Have a mommy and Alex date, then a mommy and Nathan date.
2006-09-01 13:38:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hold as in pick up? i think at 6 he is a little too old to be carried around still...rivalries between siblings dont go away easily..usually its a competitve thing or just being kids...i use to fight with my younger brother all the time...he was 5 years younger than me...but bigger, so dont think im the bad older brother haha...we didnt start really getting close and stopping the B.S. until he was 14 around i believe...so once everyone grows up in the situation, is when it will stop...in turn...sooooo sorry for what you have ahead..but hey, its better than what girls go through!
2006-09-01 13:38:16 · answer #7 · answered by Michael D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sit down with the older 1 and pick a date and a time every week were you do something together ( big boy time )
and then also pick a time and a date every week were all 3 of you do something together and let him know that he is the big brother and how important it is for him to help you with his younger brother and to share all his big brother knowledge
2006-09-05 13:09:05 · answer #8 · answered by Candy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to hold them at the same time, i have had the same with my sons also, the younger one use to push the older one away when they were little , and i had to tell them that Mommy loves both of you,and hold them both.Also if you can make a date with each one of them,also helps them feel special.
2006-09-03 14:58:48 · answer #9 · answered by annie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make them work together to finish a chore or taks each and every time they argue.
2006-09-01 22:13:03 · answer #10 · answered by nene 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋