Ok I don't have any kids nad have never been in this postion but I've have been reading a lot of these questions on here and I don't get it. There are so many men that just walk away from their children and leave them for the mothers to fend for. WHY? How can they walk away and not care? I kinda get how they can walk away while she is pregnant because he has never met the child and doesn't have a real bond. But how can her hold the child and raise it (whether it be days, weeks, months, years) then walk away like the child doesnt exist and no longer care about it? Is there more behind the story that the mothers aren't saying. Did they say or do something that might add (not cause) but add to why the father left?
If you all could please give me more descriptive answers then just he is a dead beat or an *** I would appreciate it. I am really interested in this physcology of the mans mind
Thank you
2006-09-01
05:32:16
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33 answers
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asked by
ice_angel
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Pregnancy & Parenting
➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I would also love some imput from men. I am not judging anyone just curious
2006-09-01
05:32:50 ·
update #1
Someone said karma will come back to him. But what is Karma for walking away from a child?
2006-09-01
05:39:20 ·
update #2
Im not trying to imply that all men are like this..Im sorry I mean for the ones that are
2006-09-01
05:41:03 ·
update #3
There are so many answer and even more questions to that one question.
But as a fatherless child who got to meet her father at 25, this question plagued me for a very long time. My mother left my father when I was two, because he wanted to party and not settle down. She came back to GA. and we never heard from him or so we thought until I turned 1995 and he wished to meet me before he passed away. I agreed, I deserved to know who he was. I went to meet him and stayed for 3 days, meeting all my family. Now my mother told me if I ever wanted to meet my father she would try to find him, even insisting that I send a wedding invitation to his last known address when I got married (it was returned, no one at address). I found out we had alot of the same interests. It was amazing, I now know where I get my eyes, my interest in motorcycles, my laugh, my sense of humor and so much more. I also found out that my father did come to see me several times and the final time, the aunt who cared for me while my mother was at work wouldn't let him see me. She told him that he was not welcome and should go away and never come back. (seems my paternal side of the family held some resentment towards the lady, and they had nothing nice to say about the woman) I told this to my mother and she said that, she could see that my aunt would be that way. But that was never what she wanted, it was just that she didn't want him having unsupervised visits for fear that he would kidnap me. She also told me that was about the time that his letters stopped. A father and childs life altered forever. Yeah he could have tried to contact me before that, but life moves by so quickly you sometimes lose sight of what is most important, when its not around to remind you. He died less than a week later. But he was able to die knowing that his little girl didn't hate him.
So to those fathers; its never to late to go back, and to those mothers or other guardians, always give your child the chance to know their father and form their own opinions.
And to those who don't care, I hope you never die regretting that choice.
2006-09-01 06:10:28
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answer #1
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answered by gypsy g 7
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There is always more to the story then anyone will ever know. It is alwaya he said she said and I don't think anyone truley knows what happened between the couple to cause a break down.
If a man is raised by his mother because is father is a dead beat the man has three decsion in life. He can either turn out like his father and leave, he can over come that and be the exact opposite, or he can just never have kids. These are the choses that one has to make.
Another thing that could cause a man to leave is the woman could push him away. Any woman knows that with some men all you have to do is say the wrong thing and they are gone forever. It is still the mans fault for leaving but I think women have more to do with it then they let on.
It could also be that he never wanted a child with this woman and he feels that she has trapped him and ruined his life. This by any means is not a excuse but once his mind is made up then there usually is no changing it.
One way you can tell that the woman has had more to do with the man leaving then she leads on is how does he react to having other kids? Does he have any and how does he treat them? Does he want any others. If a man walks away from a child with one woman but loves a child from another or wants a child from another the answer probably isn't that he is a dead beat or that his is inmature and doesn't want to grow up, it is probably that she trapped him and he despises her for it there for hating the child and not wanting anything to do with it. It is sad that woman and men use children to get what they want. Some men walk out because they see that the woman got pregnant to try and munipulate him and when it doesn't work she gets pissed and blames everything on him. Whether you are the mother,father, step parent, child, friend, relative, doesn't matter I don't think anyone will ever know why people walk out on their kids, I don't think that even the person walking away truley knows why they are doing it.
P.S. I didn'y say that the guy doesn't think that it is his because that can be proven by a paternity test and many men still walk away!
2006-09-01 06:00:53
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answer #2
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answered by Trouble 3
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My brother got his girlfriend pregnant and though their baby is not born yet, I can probably tell you what's going to happen and why because I know my brother. First of all, if he gets into his head that though he can't see the baby it is still there, (if...) when the baby is born, men have a tendency to say 'if i can't see it, then it's not there,' so they convince themselves that they're doing the right thing. I mean, they don't know how to take care of a baby at all, why should they aggravate the woman they are with by messing things up? Not only that but it's a proven fact that men have a far shorter temper than women's so when they're pregnant girlfriend goes off the deep end on hormones they leave and don't come back. I don't like it either, and I am not sure I understand it completely but I can say, that's it's unacceptable, regardless of the differences between men and women.
2006-09-01 05:41:35
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answer #3
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answered by sunshinegirlieo 1
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Some men just can't handle the responsibility. The father of my baby decided that after taking care of her for 4 months that she isn't his(which she is), and that because I am her mother that he wants nothing to do with her and he hates her and me. I don't care if he hates me, by all means go ahead. But the child is an innocent, we were all born that way, why or how can you hate it.
I get all the blame, I shouldn't of had a relationship with him, I should have not had the baby, I slept around (not true, he is the last person I slept with.), I lost my job (not by choice), I wasn't getting a new one quick enough for him, I wanted to spend time with our daughter because after she was born I had to go back to work after 6 weeks to pay my bills. This is everything he said he left for, really he couldn't deal and it scared him.
Whatever reason, it is always the other person that gets blamed. Even if you don't like the other parent of the baby, you should know that baby, and be a part of its life. YOU are the one that started a relationship with the person, at some point that is something that you liked. Learn to deal with what you have done and don't punish the child.
2006-09-01 06:22:14
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answer #4
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answered by Princess 3
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I was just going to read your question in full and go, but here I am..
My Dad left Mum with three kids 12 (me), 11 (my brother), and 6 (little sister) at the age of 32 for a young 20 year woman (already married with a 4 yr old little girl)..
My Mum had to go to work to support us, Dad only paid maintenance for my younger sister $10.00 a month and lived in another town 6 hours away.
He left just before Xmas (also my birthday) and spent Xmas day with his new love and child.
He would ring us maybe once or twice a year, he had no role in bringing us up.
I am having trouble expressing my feelings about men that walk away, because even though I am 41 it still hurts..
He was a romantic and so was his father who did the same thing to his mother (and he always said to my Mum he would never do what his Dad did and leave his family)
Dad use to treat my Mother badly and treated his new lady like a princess. Mum use to sometimes provoke him and he would hit her, but as I grew older I found out he had played up with the lady down the road, the lady up the back and another out at his work place, so maybe Mum was reacting to being humiliated.
Dad loved babies and my little sister was the apple of his eye while my brother and I kind of annoyed him. He married young and had two children 11months apart by the time he was twenty. He could not handle the responsibility and would explode with rages of temper, being with a pretty young girl was I think a trophy of some sort and less pressure with one child. He was very selfish and Mum accomodated him in letting him stay at our house for 8 months while he dated her. This time in our household was very traumatic, but he did not care he had to have her. We were made to feel 2nd best and have always been treated accordingly. This woman still has a hold on my Dad today, she lost her Dad at 16 to suicide and took mine. I don't dislike her in fact now I feel sorry for her as she is crippled with depression and the whole of my father's life is looking after her.. I had it out with him when I was 34 for abandoning us and not looking back to see if we were alright. The three of us now I think have accepted this is just how Dad is and this is all he can give. After all he is our Dad and we will always love him..
2006-09-01 06:14:36
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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Well many reasons
1. They are not working and can not pay child support or help in any way.
2.They can not get work due to trouble with the law and therefore can not pay child support
3. They are on a no contact order with the child or the wife and they feel no see no pay.
4. They feel as if they have done enough bad things in the life of the child and want to go away before something worse happens
2006-09-01 05:40:18
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answer #6
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answered by thebulktiny 3
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my dad left me when I was one. I met him one time when I was thirteen and he was killed in a wreck 3 years later. I never understand until about 2 years ago why he just left. I think that he knew that he would never be a permanent thing in my life and he knew how that would affect me. So he chose to stay away. My oldest sons' father is doing to him what my father avoided. He will come around for about 2 months and then leave again and every time he does my son start doing bad in school and his angry for about 6 months and then it starts all over again. I do not agree with what my father did but, I understand why. Some fathers and mothers for that matter just don't care about their children, I don't know why maybe they are selfish and only care about themselves or maybe they are just so scared that they are going to screw up the kids life. sometimes the other parents is re-married and they don't want the kid messing up their little family. In my opinion anyone who walks away from their child does not deserve to be that childs parent.
2006-09-01 05:53:39
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answer #7
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answered by just me and my crew 2
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I know it happens in isolated cases but women have to stop picking useless losers to help create their babies. They must want more for themselves and more for the children they bring into the world. It isn't all the fault of a man. If a woman chooses to have a child with a guy who they already know shouldn't be a father then the fault falls of them as well. Women think they can just bear children and all is great. They don't even offer or respect themselves enough to want marriage or stability. It is pathetic.
It is a person who is mentally sick to walk away from a child they helped create. I have no respect for TRASH ( I don't call them men because real men love their children)
A man must grow into a man if he has the proper role model to teach his child what it means to be a man. I am sure there is more to stories out there. But wouldn't you fight until the end to see your child regardless of what obstacles are put in front of you? Wouldn't you go broke trying to fight for your child? So no excuse is good enough for me.
2006-09-01 05:40:29
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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My ex left us when our daughter was 3 months old. Said he couldn't handle it and didn't know what to do with her. He never fought for any rights and signed over custody at the divorce hearing.
I met a wonderful man when she was 18 months and we married right before she turned 3. He raised her as his own and has never called her his step-daughter. We had 2 more daughters and he has walked 2 of them including the oldest from the first marriage down the isle.
It isn't all men, it's just the ones that are self centered and only love themselves.
2006-09-01 05:41:52
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answer #9
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answered by nana4dakids 7
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My friend of 12 yrs. left his wife and kids of 6yrs. I asked what the hell his problem was and this is what he told me. He said he felt trapt because he didn't plan on getting married so young. He didn't really love her in the first place. He married her because she got pregnant. My question to him was why did you stay with her if you didn't love her. All he said was it was the right thing to do. As for not wanting to see or care for his kids the answer was kinda the same. But guess what I take really good care of my step son & daughter, along with their mom. We have been together for 4yrs. know. Short answer is that if the guy doesn't really love the girl or the kids he can just walk away and try to find what he already had but didn't realize.
2006-09-01 05:51:08
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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